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Reconciliation
User Topic: Why does he get to say its over??
confused52204
Member
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Y would he say its over?! Y does he get to go back and forth everyday??? Y does he get to cry at night and I comfort him?! He's the one that effed everything up not me!!! Do others WS do this??

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
Missymomma
Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

He gets to do that because you let him. You have the right to take care of your feelings and set boundaries.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
confused52204
Member
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

I do and I get nothing. I know I've pushed him to the edge! I just keep saying how y...how could u do this! He says all I do is put him down...

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
Missymomma
Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

No, you are not pushing him to the edge! You are allowing him to manipulate you and define your reality. Do not let his pity party derail you. You are entitled to the truth and living in the fun house (the one with the distorted mirrors) will make you feel crazy! He isn't being truthful, he hasn't dug deep to find the truth. He just wants you to drop it and move on. If you do that, there will be more of the same in the future. This isn't a good dynamic for you. Could you limit contact with him? Start really working on yourself and figure out why you let your SO define your reality?

Honey, you can't keep things going the way that they are. You are going to have a breakdown.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
laney57
Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

Yes, mine does. You get tears? I get sighs... "I can't take this anymore" is his favorite. One day, I will look him square in the face and say "there's the door" and mean it with every part of my being. I'm just to afraid right now. Getting stronger though. God help us all (I mean everyone)


Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 228 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
confused52204
Member
Member # 16913
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

He cries every night ! I don't even get to b sad bc he's sad!! I get I can't do this! I love u I did everything for u! This stopped over a year ago! I get everything!

Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2007
Missymomma
Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, April 25th (Thursday)

You are not recognizing that it is narcissistic for him to feel sorry for himself and not for you. How long are you going to allow it to be all about him?


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 7