Just Found Out
User Topic: Finally over, wish I'd spoken to OW sooner
New Member
Member # 38419
Default  Posted: 5:02 AM, April 26th (Friday)

So after nearly 3 mths of supposed R, where WH has professed to want to make things work out for the children, but yet he's continued to gas light me. We've been on 2 family long weekend trips, we've had couples counselling, he's been giving me mobile phone and credit card statements, though not giving me access. He swore there was NC apart from one short text, since mid Feb.

I even let him go on a supposed football trip as I thought the break would do us good and I wanted to trust him, he was supposed to come back with an audit trail of evidence to prove where he'd been, he came back with just a few bits, plus a printout of all his credit card bookings. I still believed him, though I was a little uneasy about it, and therefore why I set about trying to find out and contact OW

However I've now discovered that he actually went away with OW, he'd gone to extreme lengths to provide evidence, even waiting for a flight to come in to get match tickets from people who'd been to the foreign games and booking flights and hotels, for which he never used, he went to a completely different country. This was last month.

I know all this because I spoke to OW, who was shocked to discover that he was married, had a young child and a pregnant wife when their affair started ! The ironic thing is that she wasn't that into him, she definitely doesn't want him now. He told me that she knew the truth, I've had her number for a while, but didn't call her for fear of upsetting him and provoking her to contact him again, what a mistake ! He's totally played me.

I've given him chance after chance, even our MC said that I've been very tolerant.

I was so desperate for R to work that I ignored the signs, he has more feelings for OW than for me, he feels more guilt towards her than for me etc. etc.

Yesterday when OW told me about the holiday, I'd finally had enough, I put all his stuff in a bin bag and left it on the doorstep, he came home we talked, he filled in the missing gaps then I told him to get a cab and he left.

I suppose I needed to know how much he could trample on me to finally get the strength to kick him out. OW says if she'd have known the truth she would never have got involved with him.

It's over !

Me - BS 42
Him - WH 41
D day 8th Feb 2013
D day 2 24th Feb 2013

Together 15 years, married 7
2 children 3.5 years and 6 mths old

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad you spoke to her and got the truth. I certainly know the feeling of letting yourself get trampled on enough to get the strength to leave. I am the same.

I suppose he wanted her more because she didn't really want him all that much. Funny how that works.

I know it's a very rough time right now, but think of it like this, you have FINALLY got rid of a lying, cheating piece of shit. You are now free to move on and meet someone who will treat you how you deserve. You are still young and have plenty of time to do that! He now, is left with nothing. He's lost you, lost her, his home, his kids to a certain extent.

Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I am so sorry (((Lossoffaith)))

Sending you strength & hugs

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I am so sorry, I hope this gives you some sort of peace. He doesn't deserve you (hugs)

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
New Member
Member # 39064
Content  Posted: 6:39 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I am so sorry for your pain. But I am so proud of your strength. What you have done is amazing.dont settle for less than you deserve no matter what the situation. It is better to know a painful truth than to hear a beautiful lie. Be thankful that you are not walking around playing the fool you are worth so much more.

D day: April 7 2013

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Boston
Member # 37577
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Wow! It takes so much strength to do what you did. Good for you!!!

I''m sorry you went through that. False R is the worst. The great thing is that now *you* are in charge of your life. Wishing you much peace and faith back into your life.


Me: betrayed.
Him: WH 46...multiple ONS, in therapy. A work in progress.
D-Months: Nov & Dec 2012. TT.
Married 4 years, together 5.
One beautiful amazing daughter, 15 mos

Posts: 94 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Land of the lost
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Good for you! Hopefully the OW has given him the boot too! Another great example as to why we should contact the OW.

Me-BW 39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
New Member
Member # 39079
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I am so sorry for what you are going through but I admire you and your courage. You just took a step towards your happiness and I am very proud of you. Better days will come for you. Lots of hugs for you!

Me: 32
WH: 36
DD: 04/21/13
Married: 4 months - together 2 years
No children
Status: Trying to figure out what to do

Posts: 42 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

"I suppose I needed to know how much he could trample on me to finally get the strength to kick him out."

Bravo! Mine just wouldn't let me use his phone. That said all I needed to know.

"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38317
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Good for you! You are a strong woman. You and your little ones will be OK.

It is very good that you are young and have plenty of time left to have a good life without him and his cheating.

Me BS 57
Him FWH 60
M 35 years
3 Adult kids

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 10