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Just Found Out
User Topic: I caved in a moment of weakness, but!
HURTAGAIN1981
Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I had a severe moment of weakness last night. I hadn't responded to his contact but I buckled and said that I wasn't ignoring him, I just felt sad that that I hoped we could be friends at some point! This is the first contact I had made after we had 'agreed' to 'try again'. WHYYYYY? There was a bit of chit chat, then he said that he was so sorry for how he had treated me and the way he was with me and that if I needed anything at all then to ring, text or anything as he was always there.

Of course hearing this I got upset. I said the same goes for you and left it.

Since then, he hasn't left me alone! Liking all statuses on FB, messaging me and talking in a much different way to how he did before I messaged him basically letting him know it was over and that I wouldn't be trying again, using the words i hope we can be friends at some point. His contact when 'he had me' was always pretty superficial, like he couldn't be bothered, but now he's totally changed tact. It's EXACTLY what he did last time I broke it off with him and the time before.

Sadly at this point, I started wondering if we could indeed sort things out.

But thankfully something happened and I managed to gather some info. I was talking to a friend of his on Facebook who he isn't that close with. He mentioned him and I said it's a sore subject at the moment. He said, why? did he send you a picture of his penis? I asked why and probed him a bit and he said that he had in fact sent a picture of his penis to his friend's (mutual friend of theirs) girlfriend. He said he didn't believe he had done it at first until she showed him the picture on her phone. I was gobsmacked and couldn't believe it. It obviously happened in the time we were together, but that aside, who in their right mind would send a picture like that to a mates gf.

I felt a HUGE relief when he told me this. Even happy, well ish. So if he was sending them to her, who else was he sending them to? What else was he actually up to that I have no clue about?

I'm DISGUSTED. I felt guilty for ignoring him and even now, I feel guilty for leaving him. I feel sorry for him because he must really have something seriously wrong with him.

Aside from that. I found his ex on facebook. He told me that she had done all these sexual things that he wanted to do, but had cheated in the end on him and went of with the other man.

No he didn't exactly paint the best picture of her. But I have to say, she looks very normal, a nice person, and pretty innocent like myself so I guess this is the type he goes for. I saw pics of them when they first got together at a wedding and she looks pretty miserable. His other friend also told me that he met her twice and that she was really nice, shy and quiet.

Evil Ex told me that their relationship and the one before that had went the same way ours did. I wonder why? He is the only common denominator in ALL of them. I wouldn't mind betting that he treated them the same way and then they left. He also lied about how long they were together. He said 4 years, they were together about 1.5 if that.

Oh how I have been fooled. Needless to say she and he are not friends on facebook. I would love to message her and ask her some things but I am not sure if that would be a good idea.

[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 6:22 AM, April 26th (Friday)]


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Sweet Jesus girl Why are you not listenting to us?

He is sick and dangerous. Do not offer to be friends. Break off all contact from him NOW. Don't message the other girl. You have overwhelming evidence that he is a messed up lying cheating individual.

Block him on your FB. Block him from your phone, if you cant do that, get a different number. The more you engage him the longer and more messed up this will get.

RUN, DO NOT LOOK BACK, RUN


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8691 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Think about this for a minute....do you really even *want* to be friends with a person that sends unsolicited pictures of his dick to random women?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8074 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
callmecrazy
Member
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, April 26th (Friday)

HURTAGAIN

RUN RUN RUN RUN, please RUN! You cannot give enough attention to a person like this and they wouldnt notice even if you did. If you stay, you will always be waiting on the next red flag, always warming back up to the same empty promises when you are able to expose them enough that belittling you and raging at you wont make it go away for them. Please get away and give yourself a chance to be happy before you end up married and raising his children.


Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
ninebark
Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, April 26th (Friday)

No contact means none at all, no facebook, no calls, no texts. Block him.

I think you have been given lots of amazing advice, it is time to move on and put him behind you.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, April 26th (Friday)

He seems a right weirdo- not in a good way.

IGNORE HIM - MOVE ON - NO CONTACT


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I think you're sexually addicted to him, WHY? only you have the answer. He's a crazy one, sweetie. I'm so sorry. You may not want to hear it now, but one day you will realize it. All the things you said in your previous posts about the sexual things he wants done are NOT RIGHT. He's screwed up in his head. God forbid, what if he does unspeakable acts to your own child one day. Think about it. It happens. Sick fucks out there don't care who it is they hurt. Good luck.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Don't do that again.

Imagine how good you've made him feel, knowing the power he has over you? You gave him ego kibbles. All he's ever going to give you is heartache, STD's and babies in disproportion to any fleeting fun he chooses to dispense (and which will only be dispensed when he senses he has to do something to keep you around).

Don't be his beard, Hon.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9819 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, April 26th (Friday)

I've read your threads,but Im not sure if I've posted on any. This man strikes me as sick and perverted,and Im going to go so far as to say he is dangerous.

Why did you need to tell him you weren't ignoring him? After the things he told you the other night...he doesn't care about your feelings..WHY would you care about his?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7676 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
DrivingPast
Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Hon... You seem to realize it was a mistake. Thats good. You are starting to see him as he really is. Listen to naturegirl. Dont repeat your mistake. Stay strong. He is not worth the headspace.

You could try to talk to the exgf if you think it will help you provide closure. At some point you do have to just PUSH this guy from your mind though. From the first time I read your story (back in Nov?) I never believed what he said about his ex cheating on him. Never. I think he lies about everything. I would bet money he is lying about his past relationships. If she is willing to talk to you, Im SURE she will give you a completely different picture about what happened. He wants to paint himself in a good light. Plus, he is most likely a pathological liar, based on his MO. I have been married to one(not my current H). He was a sociopath. If you want to know more you can PM me if you'd like.


On another topic, think about physically abused women. What usually happens is a man threatens, berates, beats, chokes or in other ways obviously abuses her. And then, when he sees she may actually leave or he might really lose her what does he do? Say sorry, beg, cry, bargain, promise, give gifts. Act like the nicest guy ever. And then she thinks about the good times and how he "used to be" so nice, and how they "could be" so happy if ONLY he stops being a complete ass. And she gives "one more chance". And the cycle repeats. What would you tell that woman? WOuldnt you say dont trust him! He will not stop. He is just acting nice to reel you back in. He is NOT truly a nice guy. He will only hurt you more, and maybe kill you. Please leave him now!

And thats what we all say to you. It may not be physical abuse, but he is still abusive, manipulative and very sick. And no, you cant help him.

I was thinking about you saying that you tend to repeat these type of relationships where you cannot seem to end it even when you know you should. I recommend you read this http://ptsdme.blogspot.com/2005/12/more-on-betrayal-bonds-aka-trauma.html . It is a brief synopsis about a book called The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick Carnes.

We are rooting for you!

PS. how is your mom doing?


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
Safeguard
Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

From your own post on a different thread, this deviant is into:

"1) Huge amounts of porn

2) Likes to have sex partner wee in his mouth

3) Face F**ing

4) Seems obsessed with anal sex

5) Wanted me to wear a butt plug out drinking"

This guy is a whacked. You now know what he is. Any further mental/physical injury he brings to your life, you will be responsible for. You have gone from victim to volunteer.

I urge you to get professional help to keep yourself safe.


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 11