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Reconciliation
User Topic: T/J on I read a book
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, April 26th (Friday)

Thread made me wonder about losing the ability to focus, to read, to take in information for so long.

I've been stressed before in my life, I've been sad, worried etc., but I don't ever remember another time in my life when I couldn't sit and read a book. It's always been the place I went to dream and to learn. When the kids and H would ask me what present I wanted most I used to tell them a whole day to read, uninterrupted.

I used to escape into books when I was a kid and home wasn't such a nice place.

But for a couple of years after DDay, I couldn't read at all and I did try...I just couldn't focus. I wonder why.....is it a physical response? Is it because my brain was so distracted by the pain in my heart?


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
MrsDoubtfire
Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, April 26th (Friday)

It's almost as though your brain goes into shock and shuts down for the long term. I think the area of the brain that is affected by deep emotions (like death and betrayal etc) must be close to the part of our brain that concentrates on reading so the 2 shut down in tandem.

That's my theory anyway. As the original poster of the book thread I knew my ability to read was directly related to FWH A as I can remember the book I was reading at the time I got an anon caller threatening me and I never did finish that book... and that was 6 months BEFORE I got the proof he was having an A!!

I aim to now nurture reading as it's something I used to use as an escape too prior to this crap. I too used to ask for books for presents.

S'funny as my IC who did EMDR with me told me reading would be one of the things I would start to be able to do again once I had processed all the crap from FWH's A. I attempted it soon after but gave up after a few pages.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1571 | Registered: Jul 2009
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 26th (Friday)

MrsDoubtfire - I do find it strange that something I once used to help escape an unpleasant situation didn't work for me after DDay....I think something did 'turn off' in my brain.

I was so glad to have the ability return and have three or four books going at a time now. And I have a wonderful backlog to read as I have to catch up with all the good books that I'd missed during 2009, 2010 and 2011.

I really hadn't thought about this until I'd read your post though and can see that I've healed considerably as the focus and pleasure of reading has definitely returned.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
cheerless
Member
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, April 26th (Friday)

I used to escape into books when I was a kid and home wasn't such a nice place.

Same! I've only been able to read books about infidelity since DDay. I can't follow a sentence or a storyline from a novel right now, without my mind going to affair movie mode

One 2-day exception: I downloaded "Where'd Ya Go Bernadette?" and was able to get through it quickly. It's written as a series of letters/emails so no long involved paragraphs to keep focused on.

Can't wait to get back to voracious reading.


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, April 26th (Friday)

(((cheerless))) It took me a long time but am finally back in voracious reader mode and thoroughly enjoying it. Hope you get there soon!


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
girlsbird
Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 26th (Friday)

A bibliphile here who lost her ability to read after d-day (except for infidelity books). I finally am able to read again. The simple joys in life are returning.


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
struggling3
Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, April 26th (Friday)

I was also an avid reader and do not read books except ones on infidelity either. I am constantly amazed at the horrible things that I have felt and then find out that many people have the same shit going on. I can read a magazine and stay focused but not on a novel. Your Dday is a couple of years before me so I am hoping this comes back as well.
I know for certain that part of my problem is that I like romance novels and it gives me severe anxiety to read about peoples chemistry when first meeting etc. Stuff I used to enjoy....now it makes me feel sick :(


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
25yearslater
Member
Member # 32806
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Raising my hand too. I always had a book in progress. This was actually a New Year's resolution for me and I am there. I can do 'simple' reads but haven't been able to enjoy anything that takes more than 5 brain cells at a time. I'll get there though. It is always (in a wierd way) good to see others in the same place.


me: 50 yrs old BW
him: 50 yrs old WH
Together: 33 years
Married: 28 years (?)
2 teenagers that we love dearly!
DDay: November 2010
DDay #2: July 30, 2011 found out restarted EA with same MOW (ended before I found out)
DDay #3 & #4: 11/26/11
D

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jul 2011
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

I too read infidelity books but in hindsight, I had to read them over and over. I don't think I was really absorbing the information and had to work at it.

There seem to be many of us with the same fallout regarding reading and I'd be curious to see if there is a general time frame, in my case a little over two years, before the ?ability? (if that's the right word) came back so I could read and focus again. They say it takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity, maybe it takes 2-3 years to recover the focus to read???


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
brokenpromise
Member
Member # 28859
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

It has been almost three years for me and I am just now getting to my stack (hoard) of magazines . I have started looking at the best seller lists with some interest.

I am glad some of 'me' is coming back. I am glad I can relax and lose myself to a good book- not be on alert, unable to concentrate.

I think you are right, perhaps there is some healing now


BW- Me 60 FWS - 65
M 43 years
DD June 9, 2010
On and off LTA with dept secretary
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal Matt 6:20

Posts: 414 | Registered: Jun 2010
STILLWANTHIM
New Member
Member # 37717
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Well again this site reassures me that I am 'normal'. I tried reading a book my daughter lent me, I am/was also a voracious reader, but I could not read it. The only thing I read is this site, infidelity books and trying to find some selfhelp books to try. I love reading and am glad to hear the ability will return someday.


Me bs 58
Him ws 57
Married 36 years
Children 2, grandchildren 3
Dday 1 2012-11-03, Dday2 2012-12-08
Dday 3 2013-06-20 separating

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Ontario
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

StillWantHim ....Nothing nicer than confirming on a gorgeous Saturday spring morning that we are, yes indeed, normal.....

Thankfully SI is here to help us know that and also be a source for advice, strength and occasionally some needed 2x4s..... Here's to all of us getting our reading groove back...and thanks to Mrs. Doubtfire for pointing out this is one more sign of healing.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

H and I were both voracious readers...but I haven't been able to read in 9 months - not a single chapter. I keep buying books - but I can't read. My H asked me months ago "Nora - you don't read anymore..." and I replied that I just can't concentrate enough to understand what's on the page...and he starting crying - and apologized...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

(((Nora)))) glad he apologized....

Hoping time will help heal and you'll be reading and enjoying books again soon.........


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1671 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 14