SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Why Can't I Quit You?
Healing2012
Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, April 26th (Friday)

These are the words my WH says to me whenever we get into a heated discussion about the A and our current status. I have been to an attorney and done my research, but have yet to file. My WH was devastated when he found out about the attorney.

My mind is all over the place right now and I don't really know what I'm trying to say or ask. I guess it's just that neither of us wants a divorce. He tells me sometimes he hates himself for missing me and I feel the same way. Why would I ever miss someone who had an A? It doesn't make sense. But I know it's human nature/emotions and it doesn't always make sense.

Neither of us has the money for a D, however my parents are offered to pay for the whole thing. All I have to do is pull the plug...but I can't get myself to do it. Why? I have asked him on numerous occasions if he is trying to get me to leave him (perhaps he doesn't want to feel like the bad guy). He always says No. I have flat out said that all he needs to do is say the word and I will file. He won't say it.

I love him and I cannot admit that to most people IRL because it makes me feel like the world's biggest fool. What the F is wrong with me?


BS: Me (41)
WS: Husband (47)
Married 9 years
Two children 6 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
caving*in
New Member
Member # 34148
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 26th (Friday)

You are NOT a fool. You are just feeling human emotions..totally normal. You have invested alot of time and energy. I would say both of you still have feelings and really dont want to let go...You should be really honest with him and yourself and be ok with what you two want. It doesnt matter what anyone else says! We are sharing this experience, but no one walks in your shoes, but you! If you still love him and you want to still love him, then be open to take the steps toward reconcillation. If that doesnt work, then you can divorce with clarity. What I have learned that I have to trust my gut, learn to know what I want, go for it with no regrets and dont care what anyone else thinks. You know in your own heart what you want. No one is here to judge you...


d day oct 2009
Married 28 years, together 29
6 kids,26 25 21 20 18 14
in limbo...complete limbo
long story
getting stronger...angrier

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: west
meplustwo
Member
Member # 39082
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Hi
I can totally relate. Part of me wants to let go and be done with it already, but I live him and he says he loves me. He says he thinks he's crazy and trying to ruin his life. I want our marriage to work, but I don't want to share him or have him come back just to have the same issues and a renewed A. You are not feelings anything you shouldn't be. After all, you love him. If you didn't, this would be easy. Hang in there and pm me if you want to talk more. Hugs.


Me(34) - BS
Him(35) - WH
Married: 9 years
Two Kids: 4 and 6
D-Day #1: 7/12, D-Day #2: 4/24/13
Affair: EA to PA with coworker
Status of A: Says he broke it off after I went to her house and confronted both of them

Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Maine
Topic Posts: 3