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New Beginnings
User Topic: Who's not ready to date? A show of hands please?
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, April 26th (Friday)

ME!!!

Recent fiasco has shown me I'm still too filled with fear. Fear of picking the wrong person, fear of being hurt. I can't stay in the moment and just observe and experience. Always looking ahead and trying to predict what will, should, and could happen.

It's not a healthy state to be in.

Refocusing on me. I'm about to get a job offer for a job that I am so excited about.

My kids are happy and healthy.

I'm 6 credits away from my Masters. Been working on it one class at a time, so I dont' think I really thought I'd ever be done. And I just got an A in a class that I hated.

I've got so much good going on. I should just revel in that for a while.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 863 | Registered: Feb 2006
fraeuken
Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 26th (Friday)

ME!!!

Tried it and could not do it. I am not so much afraid, just too selfish at this point. I just want to do what I want to do and be with my girls.

I built my life around STBXH for 18 years. Have too much going on now to make the same mistake again.

Go for your Masters! Congrats on your A. And congrats on the job offer.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
absolut
Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Omg congrats on your masters. I'm prepping for my GRE. Supposed to be studying now!!! I also feel like I'll never make it, so I can't wait to be where you are!!!!Where's my smiley>>>>

Yeah I've been single 8 months. I did this therapy exercise where you make a list of the positive qualities and negative qualities of all the men you've dated seriously. Under negative, for all of them "LIAR"
So I'm just doing therapy stuff and working and studying.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Me

And I'm completely okay with it. I like doing my stuff. I like having my way. I like running my house.

There is too much good stuff to enjoy on my own!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4553 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Over here! Unfortunately, I can't just tell people that I'm married if they start to get too flirty anymore though.

Posts: 1571 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
bbee
Member
Member # 17840
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Me! I'm perfectly happy on my own, thank you very much!


This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

All's Well That Ends Well, Act I, Scene 1


Posts: 6645 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: SE US
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Content  Posted: 4:31 PM, April 26th (Friday)

ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!

I am SO not ready! My New Beginning is still only about me & my kids, getting my feet on the ground, getting my support systems in place, making sure my personal boundaries are set in reinforced concrete.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9299 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
CharlieFoxtrot
Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Count me in!! Not ready, not sure when I'll be ready, and not sure if I ever want to be ready.

I do enjoy some sweet eye candy on tv/movies, which is a brand new thing for me...



Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, April 26th (Friday)

I can't say I'm "not ready" because that implies I need to do something in order to successfully date, and I don't believe that to be the case. I'm ready. I just don't want to fool with it, for the most part.

If I meet a nice man in the normal course of life, and I determine that we seem fairly compatible, I'll consider a date.

But, I have decided that, for me, meeting up with people I know very little about (OLD) is a phenomenal waste of my time and energy.

I am just going to live my life. If a man pops into it, great. I'm good either way.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, April 26th (Friday)

If I meet a nice man in the normal course of life, and I determine that we seem fairly compatible, I'll consider a date.

But, I have decided that, for me, meeting up with people I know very little about (OLD) is a phenomenal waste of my time and energy.

I am just going to live my life. If a man pops into it, great. I'm good either way.


This.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15360 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Raises hand. I'm not ready. Not even close. My efforts to date have done nothing but make me anxious, prime me to sink into negative land and indulge in my obsessive bad coping behaviors which make me feel worse.

One of my weekend plans is to stop by the hobby shop to pick up materials for some needlework I've been wanting to do. How's that for a non-making-yourself-available-project???


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Ooooohhhhhhhhh.... Needlework? Yeah, uh, that doesn't really scream Red Hot & Sexy Mama Right Here. I'm thinking about looking up some stock exchange prices for some mutual funds. I think your thing sounds more exciting than my thing.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9299 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
burnedcanuckEMS
Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, April 26th (Friday)

ME!!!!!

And I totally agree with this statement:


If I meet a nice man in the normal course of life, and I determine that we seem fairly compatible, I'll consider a date.

But, I have decided that, for me, meeting up with people I know very little about (OLD) is a phenomenal waste of my time and energy


I made the mistake of dating while still hurting an vulnerable - and guess what? The guy I was dating turned out to be 1000 times worse than my ex-husband!!!! Unbeknownst to me he has a wife and child in a foreign country and is over here picking up women and having a good old time!!!! He is a dirtbag piece of shit scumbag. Total eyeopener.

I am sure I will not be dating for a looooonnnngggg time now I am sure. No way I am ready to trust. Two huge betrayals in a row, I really live up to my username.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 234 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Ditto to what hurtinky posted. I honestly just don't feel like dating.

Posts: 1261 | Registered: Oct 2009
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, April 26th (Friday)

ME!!! I haven't even considered it yet. Too scared and hurt. I've got lots more work to do on myself before I even think about trying to date. But, I'm ok with that. I'm focused on myself, my kids, my job, my friendships, and figuring out what I really want in life.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 26th (Friday)

notmeanymore, I'm six courses away from finishing a BA, one course at a time. Which means I'll probably be able to do an MA at seniors' rates, which is tuition-free....

Wheee!

Totally on the hurtinky train on the dating thing.

Way too much work and who has the time?

And I've never particularly enjoyed weeding....


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17153 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 26th (Friday)

You can absolutely add me to the list. I'm not even divorced yet, for one thing, but another is that I just don't have room in my life for that type of commitment at this point. I also know that I'm just not ready. I need more time to get to know myself again and to feel comfortable with the direction that my life has taken. I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 26th (Friday)

None for me, thanks. WAY too much already on my plate.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24435 | Registered: Aug 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, April 26th (Friday)

If I were to meet someone in real life, yes, but I turned off my OLD profile three months ago and it was definitely the right decision.

My life is so full right now that it would take someone really spectacular for me to switch things up enough to include them.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2011
OnceInALifetime
Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Too much crap going on in my life right now, and also my last date many weeks ago left me drained and discouraged. For the first time I felt some mutual chemistry, but it didn't work out because she insisted on being a part of my kids lives before we even built a relationship.

I thought the early dating phase would be the tough part. That once there was mutual attraction it would be smooth sailing. Silly me, it's the relationship part that's tough, and I haven't even scratched the surface of that with anyone.

Why the hell would I want to go through that? Right now, dating feels like a regression. Like having to redo high school or something. Why would I want to go through that again?

I don't believe the reward is worth the anxiety or drama.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 8:20 PM, April 26th (Friday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Raising my hand!

I am just going to live my life. If a man pops into it, great. I'm good either way

exactly that :)


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Yeah.

I need to do the "if the right person falls in my lap" thing. Figuratively speaking of course, I'm not just attracted to clumsy guys.

OLD is the pits. And apparently I couldn't pick out a good guy if I had a gun to my head.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 863 | Registered: Feb 2006
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Figuratively speaking of course, I'm not just attracted to clumsy guys.

Baggage Reclaim always talks about dating away from your type if your type hasn't really been working out for you in the past. Maybe Mr. Clumsy is exactly who you need


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2011
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Not even remotely! It's so funny thought because that's always everyone's first reaction, " oh you're going to meet a great guy and you'll forget all about WS!"

No thanks. Silly me, I thought he WAS the great guy.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, April 26th (Friday)

phmh - so I should be on the lookout for stupid guys with no sense of humor.

That ought to be easy.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 863 | Registered: Feb 2006
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Hmm, I think I might be ready to date but I'm too chicken to actually do something about it, so that really means I'm not ready to date, right?

I have been really noticing men lately (not in a creepy stalker way) so maybe it's not too far off.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4922 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
thisisterrible
Member
Member # 24727
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Dating doesn't sound appealling to me at all.

For one thing, unless someone hits on me at the grocery store while I'm trying to keep my two kids from smacking each other with whatever they pick up off the shelves, I'm not goint to meet anyone because I don't go anywhere. I mean, anywhere.

Secondly, I'd have tons of guilt about giving up time with my kids to date. I don't want to miss out on even one bedtime to go out with some guy that may only last a date or two.

But, although I don't want to 'date', I'd like to be in a relationship. I loved the security and comfortableness of being married and miss it.

So basically what I need is to figure out how I can be in a nice comfortable relationship with someone who won't mind if I wear my sweatpants...without having to date him at all first.

Guess I just better get used to being single forever.

[This message edited by thisisterrible at 10:19 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]


Me:BS Him:WH Two young kids
Married 12yrs - together 20
A started 2/09 - S 7/09 - he filed for D 12/09
I wanted to R and he didn't. He never stopped seeing the MOW, who filed for D 11/09. They've since broke up...for now.

Posts: 543 | Registered: Jul 2009
traveldad
Member
Member # 34047
Cool  Posted: 11:27 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

I've been ready for a long time. The trouble is my children aren't ready for me to be serious with anyone and everyone I've dated so far has been ready to talk serious relationship by the second date.


DDay January 2010
Divorced July 2010...broke up 2 families
Contented single dad of 2 grown sons and two daughters.
XW talks to kids about once a year

Posts: 54 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Southwest
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Me Me Me!!! I'm enjoying my children and chillin!!

I was talking to some guy at the grocery store and I realized,,,,there WILL be a day, but it's not yet.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1967 | Registered: Jan 2012
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Not ready. Still legally married. Don't want to impose my divorce drama on top of a relationship, and I'm not really the type to "date". I need space for me, me, and me right now.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1091 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
npain
Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)

ME!!! Even if the divorce was final, I still would not be bothered because I'm so BUSY!! Where would I fit him in?

Maybe when the kiddies are older and a little more self reliant I'll think about it. in the meantime, I'll enjoy my singleness...


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
capri
Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Hand is halfway up, I guess?

I have a (male) friend who takes me out to dinner and plays, but we both know it's not lifetime potential.

I have no desire to have anyone moving into my home. I love having my bed to myself (well, make that, I'm grateful the cat allows me to share her bed and not have to have anyone else taking up even more room....)

I go on a few dating sites occasionaly, I've been on a number of dates, and I've enjoyed every one, but find even the men I've really gotten along well with, I'd love to have as friends, not boyfriends. I seem to just really have no interest in having a boyfriend right now. I'm quite happy pursuing my own things and spending time with my kids.

I actually can't even imagine being in love again, and that kind of bothers me, to be unable even to imagine it.

As I chat with one more guy via messages until we both have a free night next week, it makes me wonder if I really should just delete my profiles altogether.

I've been ready for a long time. The trouble is my children aren't ready for me to be serious with anyone and everyone I've dated so far has been ready to talk serious relationship by the second date.

Yikes, wanting a serious relationship on date 2???? My kids also don't like the thought of me dating. They're afraid some other man is going to try to displace their father and Be Dad.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Its weird but I really don't want to date. I have been separated for 2 years an divorced for almost a year and have no desire to date. I have always been looking for a man when I was single so now I want to spend time alone finding me and enjoying being single. I would rather make some great friends (female and male) than go on a date. I need to be alone and rediscover the me from 13 years ago plus a guy would try to get my fur baby off my bed and that ain't happening! She was her first and she loves me more


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1202 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Not right now. I guess I'm "ready" but I'm not. Make any sense ? There's only one I wouldn't say no to right now but that won't happen so living and exploring the new life I have found.

Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20323 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Topic Posts: 34