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Wayward Side
User Topic: Why can't I explain why??!!
blackkat
New Member
Member # 39101
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, April 26th (Friday)

I am only two months away from DDay as a WS and very much still feel like living in a diaster zone. I had a short-lived but very intense affair with someone at work which was captured in graphic detail via emails between us which my BS found.

There is a lot of shame, hurt, humiliation and anger all round.. and I am deeply mortified by my behaviour and the lies I've told. We've seperated (I've moved out) as we agreed space was needed for both us but we are trying to work it out and both acknowledge we still love each other - and even though we're not sure if we can .. we are willing to try to work through it.

There areall the long painful conversations and repeated questions which I am doing my best to answer - i've explained my feelings leading up to the affair - but my BS still keeps asking WHY? And I've reached the point where I don't know what to say anymore - I am obviously not giving him what he needs to hear ... but I don't know what else to say and I am scared my inability to answer the question in a way that satisfies him will tear us further apart.

For me - my feelings at the time about myself, him and our relationship is the reason WHY the affair happened .. can anyone BS or WS help me understand what else he is looking for ...

Has anyone else experienced this?


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013
thumbelina
New Member
Member # 38888
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Blackcat, I can relate. I feel a lot like I am asked to answer questions I don't have a full answer to, and worry that my inability to answer them will push my BH further away from me.

I don't think any of us can wrap up the reasons for our affairs into one answer. There are likely many, many "whys" that will only surface through a lot of IC and honest talks with our BSs. For me, I just have to have faith that my continued effort to discover how I could have done what I did through IC, and attempts at righting my wrongs through actions (not just words) will be enough for my BH to know that I am as committed to finding out the why as he is.

In the wreckage/aftermath of an affair it can be difficult for both BS and WS to realize that this is a process, a very long process. There are not going to be any quick answers or fast-track to healing. It is a slog. Do you feel you are both being realistic at how much time and effort it is going to take?


Posts: 16 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: thumbelina
IGaveItMyAll
Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, April 26th (Friday)

BS here. I was in the same situation as you. My WW and I seperated as a result of her A and she continued the A for another few weks after we seperated. I started to move on when their relationship quickly fell apart and she came out of the fog. She too blamed me and the relationship for her A. But it does take 2 people to have a bad marriage and not work on it. She could have ended it in a better way by either D or really put in the work to work on our marriage. She chose the A route to try and completely destroy it. For that it is 100% her.

I stuggled with her for a couple month while working on R. From my perspective, I took ownership of our marital issues. Even though she contributed I offered 100% ownership of those and I feel those contributed to her A. BUT I didn't have any ownership of her A. That was all on her. We are 8 months out now and she stopped blaming me about 4 months ago. She too is trying to figure out her Why's still. It is alot to go deep with. For her she had very low self esteem, I wasn't meeting her emotional needs (But she didn't communicate them very well to me), She was looking for others to make her feel better about herself, she was doubting herself and her life, she was hanging out with new single friends and a little part of her were jealous of the carefree lifestyle. So now she realizes those are all surface reasons why. She is working with her IC to go deep and figure out why she needed outside validation that she was worthwhile, why she wanted a different life. So its an ongoing road and will take time. Your BS is still in shock. Its a hard thing to wrap your head around as to why someone you care about would do this to you. I set my personal boundaries as to what I would accept to even begin R. I have found the more my WW works on herself dealing with childhood issues and lack of self esteem the better it is for me to work on R. I also made a choice to work on the issues she had with me in our marriage. Without me working on me and her working on her I don't think we would be where we are at today. Hope that helps from the BS side.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 26th (Friday)

I can feel your pain. My A (especially the type) was a shock to my BS. I know how you feel. My BS also asked me why, Why, WHY?? and I also struggled for answers.

But you know what? The real answer is because you could. You 'told' yourself many times why you could - the problems you felt - but the reason you did is because you could.

My BS just couldn't comprehend why I could have an A. Nothing I would say would make it 'ok'. He was right. Nothing could.

I finally said 'Because I could'.

He looked at me, repeated it then said 'your right'.

It was because I could.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2012
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, April 26th (Friday)

Blackkat,

BS here. What helps for me when WS has explained all he can and I still say, "Why?!!" is for WS to say, "I don't know yet, but I will never stop trying to understand."

Some of the contributing factors so far:
Poor boundaries
Low self-worth
Fear of failure at work
Stress from FOO
Emotional blackmail from OW

WH is in IC indefinitely. I am confident that he is digging as deep as possible and won't ever stop understanding so this doesn't happen again.

Hope that helps and best wishes for you and your BS.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
EvolvingSoul
Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, April 26th (Friday)

It has taken me a very long time to figure out the why and how.

It turned out to involve concepts that I had never even thought about prior to IC or to doing all this research on the nature of infidelity, of which SI has been a major component.

It is only since I've been able to look at my past perceptions and choices in the context of these new concepts that it has finally begun to make sense to me how I could have behaved so disgustingly and selfishly. Very specific thought processes enabled me to do those things and still go home to my BS and act as if what I was doing was somehow okay with me. Understanding those processes is a huge relief because now I know I how they got built and I know that, with sincere effort, I can change them.

I can go into more detail if you like but I just wanted to assure you, blackkat, that it's normal for it to take a long time to figure out what was really going on. The key is to not stop working on it. Expect progress to happen in fits and starts. Expect occasional dead ends. It can be exhausting at times but when you finally figure it out and everything seems to fit, it feels so much better.

Hang in there,

EvolvingSoul


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 300 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
mike7
Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 26th (Friday)

BS here. my question in response is why do you still want your BS? After all, you enjoyed cheating.

The answer I think is because you are selfish "And because you could."

You wanted both. for a while, you could have both. I realize that doesn't paint a nice picture of you. I'm sorry about that.

But in reality, if you hadn't been caught, wouldn't you still be "having both?"


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
mindbody
Member
Member # 27941
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

It was because I could.

The opportunity exists for everyone. I think the decision/choice/thought processes to go ahead with it is/are the "why". Somewhere along the line I think there's a conversation you have with yourself. It's an evaluation, negotiation, weighing in of should I or should I not? If you feel/know cheating is wrong and still go ahead with it, then IMO, it took more than "because I could."


Posts: 302 | Registered: Mar 2010
Alyssamd24
Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

This is a question my BH husband has asked me many times, and one I have asked myself almost daily since my A first started.
I have given BH all the answers I think it may be....he doesn't show me enough affection, all he does is work and talk about work w, I have low self esteem,etc. His response to these answers were why didn't you just tell me you were unhappy rather than cheat on me? This response is totally normal and makes sense to me, but I didn't realize how unhappy I was until the OM first initiated conversation and every thing spiraled out of control.
Even though I have my reasons it doesn't justify what I did and doesn't make it any better. The truth is I took the selfish,cowards way out.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 835 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Heavy Sigh
Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Sometimes what we really want to know is why you want to reconcile. Why you want to stay married.

We usually suspect it's just for the kids - to live in the same house with the kids or to have help with the kids and not upset the kids - and the WS really loves the OP more and likes the OP best, except we're just an old obligation that you can't get rid of without being shamed in public or losing money/standard of living or having your parents and your minister think poorly of you. Or worse, the OP doesn't really want you except as a thing on the side, so you'll stick with us, the BS, for a consolation prize, but reluctantly.

So sometimes it's best to explain WHY you want to be married to us, and what you're doing to guarantee to the BS and yourself that you'll never have another affair no matter how sad or depressed or bored you are, or no matter how bad the marriage gets (you would leave first).

Sometimes the broken-person, slippery slope argument has more merit when it's coupled with the why of realizing what you had all along (the marriage) is what you really wanted.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 4:22 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Perhaps the following article may help you get started titled, The six triggers to an affair:
How understanding why you cheat can help you heal your marriage
:
http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/blog/557


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5643 | Registered: Aug 2007
hatefulnow
Member
Member # 35603
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

BS here. In the aftermath of an affair, we BS make the mistake of wanting a logical explanation for the A. THERE ISN'T ONE! Even the WS, if truly remorseful, can't make sense of it logically. They often ask themselves 'WTF was I thinking?!', because it doesnt make sense to them either. With my wife, the posom used psychology to prey upon her vulnerabilities. I liken him to a wolf circling a herd of sheep looking for a weak one. My wife always had an issue with her looks, especially her weight. She's not that heavy, but full. As a young girl she was very heavy, was teased and it stuck with her. To look at her she seems beautiful and confident, she's always seemed so to me. But inside there was this scar tissue that om picked up on and played upon.

My wife, a generally good and moral person, can't believe her behavior. I was hard on her after d day, but when the fog broke and the realization came through of what she had done and it's impact, she is much harder on herself. She is an intelligent person, very educated. I feel she was compensating for low self image issues, but she has advanced degrees. She can't believe she got suckered by that clown who barely ot his GED, but I tell her he was using tactic on her that she couldn't see plainly, like any con artist does.

Bottom line, there is no logical answer you can give your BS. Just like if you were using drugs and wrecking your life there would be no logical justification. And an A is like a drug. We are in counseling trying to find peace and acceptance of our reality. I hope you find peace too.


Posts: 127 | Registered: May 2012
mike7
Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

what Heavy Sigh said. exactly. that's exactly the things i want to know.

why do you want to stay married? In my case, that's why "I" don't want to reconcile. I don't want to be someone's second choice. I don't want to be a consolation prize.

I want her to go to her AP. Too bad, she fucked up. She doesn't get me anymore. She gets him.

Sorry... but that's why I ask the "why" question. And of course, I get her self-preserving lies.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 11:56 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

Mike7, please don't project you and your WW's issues onto the original poster's situation. If you can't keep your responses to the original poster's situation, please stay off the thread.

Thank you.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Changed72
Member
Member # 38723
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

BS here, Why is, and will be the question.

We ask why, because we can't understand what happened.
We ask why, because our whole life during the A, is in question.
We really don't like " I don't know" as a answer.
Most of us BS's have thought about the future. (Before Dday I did, just even small stuff, working on the house, buying a new bed, things like that) Now I can't even think about stuff like that, realistically.

So the why's, and how's will come up often.
Until in our mind, we figure out why did it happen.
Hopefully through IC and MC, I will find out "why".

I hope it was ok to post this???


Me-38
Her-41
Married 15 years
1 DD13
DDay 3-2-13
Working on R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013
numb&dumb
Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 29th (Monday)

but my BS still keeps asking WHY? And I've reached the point where I don't know what to say anymore

Keep answering the absolute worst thing you can do in this situation is to stop answering the question.

If you stop answering, he will make up his own answers. They won't be pretty and will more than likely lead to a path other than R.

I don't know. I am committed to finding the answer. I am so sorry I did this. I will identify what allowed me to make this choice and work to change it. I am so so sorry.

While working through this demonstrate through repeated consistent behaviors that you are changing. Apologize for specific things. e.g- " I am sorry for giving you a reason to doubt my reasons for staying in this M."

Why is a long process. It takes time to find. Even when you think you do there is a likely a layer underneath, you just keep digging. And then dig some more.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2554 | Registered: May 2010
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, April 29th (Monday)

For me - my feelings at the time about myself, him and our relationship is the reason WHY the affair happened .. can anyone BS or WS help me understand what else he is looking for ...

First, you are not looking far enough in.

The reason WHY the affair happened is because you allowed it too. You choose to have an affair rather then to seek other outlets for your hurt, pain, frustration, and confusion in your current relationship.

I think the reason why you cant seem to answer his question is because you still havent 100% owned up to the affair.

Once you let it sink in that there were 101 other ways to handle your situation with your spouse and life and relationship - then you can move forward in finding the whys to how you got to this current position.

I will tell you mine, so you might understand a little better maybe.

I thought the reason I had my ONS is because my XH and I didnt have alot in common. XH was actively ignoring me to play video games and he rarely if ever did things that I enjoyed doing. We lived as roommates and I was very starved for attention and I felt like I deserved to be loved and desired. I justified the affiar by saying that I deserved to feel pretty and desired and wanted because my XH wasnt doing that for me and he was Actively ignoring me.

The above is a bunch of excuses that SI'er would call me on and let me know that I am not going far enough. So....

The real reason I did it is because I wanted to and so instead of choosing counseling, seperation/divorce, or actually talking to my XH, I selfishly took away his chance of working things out like an adult.

In my 5+ years of working on myself, I also realized that i have FOO issues and things that i needed to work on that added to my ignorance of how to be in a relationship and what a healthy relationship really was.

I realized that my view of personal bounderies was very skewed and I usually did not think of how my choices would effect my partner at all. It was my way or the highway pretty much all the time.

I also realized that my whole life I have wanted/needed the approval from the males in my family more then the females, I looked up to them more, so impressing them was more important to me, Thus, recieving praise and affection from males in my life was also more important. This led me to the slope that allowed me to think it was ok to cheat on my XH.

I honestly never really learned how to handle relationship stress and the ability to figure out how to navigate tough issues properly, so I didnt have the tools to handle what i needed to handle.

I also didnt have the forethought to get help when I needed it....that relationships dont come with a step by step guide and that it was ok to ask for help when I needed it.

******

Your BS will ask why for a long time, always own the choice, tell them that it was because you were selfish and self centered. Get into IC and learn your FOO, learn what your slope was....and do a Timeline so that you can work on all of that.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Apple3point14
Member
Member # 39035
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, April 29th (Monday)

Your 'whys' are in there. Keep looking

Posts: 81 | Registered: Apr 2013
blackkat
New Member
Member # 39101
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, April 29th (Monday)

Thanks to all who posted - sorry I haven't been back online to say thank you before now. Have been moving and currently have no internet!

Anyway, the responses have really helped me - from all perspectives both the BS and WS views.

Reading the responses has really caused a mixed reaction in me emotionally:

a) relief - its common to struggle with this question
b) panic - there is obviously a long road ahead that feels overwhelming at the minute
c)relief - for the practical suggestions that WS/BS have suggested that helped them i.e. its I don't know yet but I am committed to finding out
d) panic - I'm not going deep enough!

Based on the collective wisdom of those who have posted and hae walked this road longer than I have so far ... my answers to the WHY - lonely, low self esteem etc are superficial ...

How far we/I have to go is scary ...


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013
blackkat
New Member
Member # 39101
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, April 29th (Monday)

Thanks to all who posted - sorry I haven't been back online to say thank you before now. Have been moving and currently have no internet!

Anyway, the responses have really helped me - from all perspectives both the BS and WS views.

Reading the responses has really caused a mixed reaction in me emotionally:

a) relief - its common to struggle with this question
b) panic - there is obviously a long road ahead that feels overwhelming at the minute
c)relief - for the practical suggestions that WS/BS have suggested that helped them i.e. its I don't know yet but I am committed to finding out
d) panic - I'm not going deep enough!

Based on the collective wisdom of those who have posted and hae walked this road longer than I have so far ... my answers to the WHY - lonely, low self esteem etc are superficial ...

How far we/I have to go is scary ...


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

How far we/I have to go is scary ...

You should never fear the learning, the growing, the bettering of yourself. You should never be afraid to learn, especially about yourself. Your ghosts and/or skeletons can only be cleared away if you sage your 'body' and open the closet and clean them out. How refreshing it would be to clear all that out, and start a new with so much better stuff (ie better you).

Its such a great gift to yourself, your partner, and friends/family. By becoming a better person, you by default better other relationships.

You are only 2 months out - I am 5+ years out and I still have learning and growing going on in my life. I have noticed how much my changes effect all my relationships, and how I handle situations with them. They have all noticed.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
STILLWANTHIM
New Member
Member # 37717
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

BS here - I agree with the other BS's who replied on why we ask why. For me I need my WH to find the why for himself, and deal with it. To R we need to feel some safety that it will not happen again, but how can we feel that if they do not know why they did it in the first place.


Me bs 58
Him ws 57
Married 36 years
Children 2, grandchildren 3
Dday 1 2012-11-03, Dday2 2012-12-08
Dday 3 2013-06-20 separating

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Ontario
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)

I agree with the others that maybe you have not fully owned up to your affair and are still in the fog. And yes it would probably be good to explain to your BS why you want to be with him. It takes a stronger person to look inside themselves to understand their behaviour. If you are committed to R then you are going to have to help your BS heal as well as heal yourself so that your BS can learn to trust you again.
From my own personal experience it helps that there are no children involved as you won't have to explain your actions to them.
Keep digging and good luck!

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Darkonius
Member
Member # 39135
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)

BS here-
I just learned of my WW most recent A 3/4/13 so I am still very much into the "why" stages of things. For the first few days after dday the only thoughts that swirled in my head were "why"(why did she do this to us, why am I not enough, why is this ok to her, why does she want to come back.. the list goes on and on), the constant barrage of the questions "why" were so overbearing in my mind that I was really unable to do anything else. The reality of the reason we ask "why" from our WS is that the idea of what has been done to us is so foreign, so alien to us that we cannot wrap our heads around the thing, its not in our vocabulary or realm of understanding. When I ask "why?" I don't expect a single all knowing answer, but one thing that really sets me of is "I don't know", what I really want to hear her say is that she understands that she has hurt me deeply, that she did this because she was selfish. I want to hear her take ownership of her actions and I want to hear consistency in her answers. My W cannot understand why I keep asking "why?" she says she has already answered the questions and does not want to keep dwelling on them, what she does not understand is that I am looking for consistency in her answers, and a reassurance that I am who she loves and wants to be with, and a willingness to answer "why?" as many times as it takes without hesitation or hostility.


Me:BH/Madhatter 39
Her: WS 42
Children:None
DDay#1: 1995
DDay#2: 1999
DDay#3:3/4/2013
Married:19yrs
Status: Working towards R

You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013
blackkat
New Member
Member # 39101
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)

A big thank you to darkoninus for helping me understand the BS side of things. It helps me understand that you aren't looking for a single logical answer - but that reassurance and consistency.

I have to admit that I think I was on the verge of doing the 'we've been over this' 'ive already answered this' approach - which I now see from these forums is really selfish and the last thing I should be doing.

I thought I was out of the fog ... but think I am kidding myself. Its strange - I am begining to see that R is not a straight line ... in many ways things were easier a few weeks after DDay - than they are now.. I'm guessing that is quite common?


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013
blackkat
New Member
Member # 39101
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)

By way of an update - my BS asked me to write him a letter explaining WHY...

I did this and seem to have made things worse ... I got a very angry reply back and he plainly doesn't believe what I am saying ... and of course who can blame them given the lies I have him.

He is demanding another reply back - I feel I am at last chance saloon and feel really scared I am about to loose him.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013
floridaredman
Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)

He is not going to like any of your answers and even your most honest answers will still not satisfy him.
He is trying to make sense of something insensible.
Realize every answer you give will be something that hurts him more or makes him even more angry. However he needs this to heal.
Be honest
Be transparent.
Don't hold back the truth

Don't blame shift or put any of this on him. The affair was solely on you.
The marriage may have suffered, but none of those sufferings from his side warranted you the right to cheat.
So give your honest answer..
However saying .."I felt alone"
"I was depressed"
"I tried to say what was wrong but you wouldn't listen"
Or he made me feel alive again will make your BS feel like he was inadequate to help you and you chose another man to fulfill that.

The most honest answer can be "I chose to handle the problems I felt we were having in the wrong manner.
There is nothing you did that warranted me cheating on you, but I will work to figure out why I did it.
I don't know all the answers now, but
I am in the process of finding out why I did this to you/us.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2492 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Darkonius
Member
Member # 39135
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)

We all react to things differently, and what may work for one person may not work for another, but ultimately the only thing that you can do is freely answer his questions as completely and honestly as you can, The aproach that has been suggested here many times in various ways I think is a good one in telling him that you yourself don't really understand how or why you have done the things that you have done, but that you are willing to do whatever it takes to find those answers. Like I said the big thing for me is Consistency and honesty, I can accept almost any answer as long as I feel like it is the truth and coming from a place of sincerity in your heart, and despite your reason for being here you do seem like a sincere person that truly loves your BS. Show him that and don't hold back. He will either accept that or he won't, but do all that you can do.


Me:BH/Madhatter 39
Her: WS 42
Children:None
DDay#1: 1995
DDay#2: 1999
DDay#3:3/4/2013
Married:19yrs
Status: Working towards R

You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013
Darkonius
Member
Member # 39135
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)

Floridaredman is correct though. He is not going to like any answer that you give, the truth is ugly and painful, but it easier to deal with than lies or half truths.
Be Honest
Be Transparent
and remember that his world has been shattered and everything that you tell him is going to be scrutinized and questioned for quite a long time. If you tell him the sky is blue he would likely look up to verify that the sky is indeed blue. The roller coaster is going to cycle up and down for a long time, and some days it is going to plummet at alarming rates, but consistency and honesty will help stabilize it. Good luck


Me:BH/Madhatter 39
Her: WS 42
Children:None
DDay#1: 1995
DDay#2: 1999
DDay#3:3/4/2013
Married:19yrs
Status: Working towards R

You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 29