SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: deciding to 180
meplustwo
Member
Member # 39082
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, April 26th (Friday)

So, after another shitty week after a bunch of okay weeks (see my profile for details), I joined this site and I have already learned so much and feel so supported. Thank you all for sharing. It helps to know you are not alone. I am going to 180 his asset. I'm gonna initiate NC, which I'm sure will lead him to run to her with his needs. I have come to the realization that I may lose him forever by doing this, but I have already lost him to the fog of the A, so not really risking much. If there is any hope for R, I need to stop facilitating his cake eating. He won't make me a priority, so I will. I know I sound strong, but I'm totally weak for him. I'll need you guys in the next few weeks to get through. I am so grateful for all of you!


Me(34) - BS
Him(35) - WH
Married: 9 years
Two Kids: 4 and 6
D-Day #1: 7/12, D-Day #2: 4/24/13
Affair: EA to PA with coworker
Status of A: Says he broke it off after I went to her house and confronted both of them

Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Maine
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

If you do the 180 and he does snap out of it, great, but remember, you are doing the 180 FOR YOU, not him. You need to clear your head, get stronger, see things for what they are, and decide what is best for you.

I know it's scary thinking you could end up alone and that isn't what you want, but if he's lying, cake eating, rug sweeping, etc., then you really are already.

Time for you to get stronger, and see the world out there for yourself, not through is eyes. {{hugs}}


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5374 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

^^^ This is right. The 180 is for you, not for him. NC is for your well-being as well. It also brings some reality in to the unicorn-fart world of BSs but that''s a side benefit.

Your name is especially apt. Me + Two. Three in a marriage. In a marriage that should only have two. And that''s what you need to remember when you get weak. You are the wife. You are not the backup, you are not the second choice, you are the prize. Come back here whenever you need help or encouragement. We''re all here for you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Sleepy312
Member
Member # 38360
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

snort...unicorn fart!

@meplustwo, you sound strong. Be strong(unlike me) and do it. Good luck.


Me 41
Dh 40
Married 11...he forgot our anniversary among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.

Together 17 years
Two great kids.

He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to


Posts: 507 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Nj
Safeguard
Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

The 180 is awesome. it's like recovery boot camp. I am in low/no contact, we have a young child. But I am just starting a true 180. For my own sake.


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

I hope it all works out for you, you will become stronger than you ever thought possible

today I stumbled with nc, but it was a blessing wh never called back, makes me more determined than ever to 180


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 6