SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Should I end R
sadminnie
Member
Member # 38870
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Last night should have been fun, it was the first night out with my new workmates. First bar we go into and the OW works there!! It really bothered me but I rose above it and didnt say anything. Then my WS picked me up at the end of the night and was a total idiot to me calling me every name under the sun, all because I was waiting on my own (my friends we singing in the karaoke bar) outside for him. He has mean so distant past few days and then for him to be so Nasty has made me really evaluate things. I don't need to be spoke to or treated like I'm the cheat when I'm not. Should I end it??


WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
PinkJeepLady
Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 4:09 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Oh Minnie, I am sad for you! No you do not deserve to be called names or treated badly, especially not now!
I ask myself the same thing often, "should I end it?". It's exhausting isn't it? It all seems so uncertain to me.
I am sorry I don't have an answer for you, I believe that the answer to that will come to you. When you feel like there is nothing else you can do....the maybe it's time? You will have to feel an inner peace either way.
I am wishing you the best, you deserve to be loved and respected! Take care


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Safeguard
Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Hi Mini,
Maybe time for NC/180. I read a recent post where you stated:

"shall i tell him its over, becuase either way it cant be as bad as it is now."

Truth is, if you stay with an remorseful WH... yes it can be "as bad". It can be worse unfortunately.

please protect your precious heart. No one deserves to be screamed at.

[This message edited by Safeguard at 6:53 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Is he doing anything to show you that he is actually in R?

His behaviors last night definitely don't indicate that he is.

I'm sorry that he treated you that way. I agree with the others. You don't deserve that.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37558 | Registered: Sep 2007
Theradin
Member
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Sorry your WS contributed to a shitty night for you.

My instincts tell me that you shouldn't end R just because of that, or in the 'heat of the moment'. Take a day or two to cool down and reevaluate how you feel. I would definitely advise NOT rushing to decisions, especially ones that so final.

Consider following the 180 (see the Healing Library) and focusing on yourself during this time. Your WS has his own shit to work out, and you don't need to be any part of it.


ME: 33 BH
HER: 32 WW
Married: 8 years
Children: Yes
DDay #1: 02/22/2006 (ONS)
DDay #2: 09/23/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #3: 12/07/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #4: 01/03/2013 (EA/PA)
DDay #5: 01/24/2013 (EA/PA)
TT until 04/07/2013
100% NC: 04/18/2013

Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Im guessing he was pissed that you were outside,because he was hoping to go in and catch a glimpse of the OW.

This is not R. From all of the posts I've read,you have never been in R. He is unremorseful,mean,and is doing nothing to repair the damage he has done.

((((sadminnie))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7393 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
sadminnie
Member
Member # 38870
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Thanks for all your advice and replys. I have told him its over. I told him that he can't really want this to work if he is being so awful to be when I have done nothing wrong, I told him if he really wanted us then he would have tried more and not made me feel how he has. Lets hope I get through this


WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
Safeguard
Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

(((Mini)))

I fully concur with Confused! He was hoping to go in and gimps OW. That's just mean.

I am praying for strength for you. We will be here for you, with kindness you deserve. Sorry for your pain. Your WH is a guaranteed ticket to pain. Come here instead.


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Jojosam
New Member
Member # 38381
Happy  Posted: 7:44 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

I'd like to applaud you for not kicking OW's ass!! I don't know if I could hold back. The OW in my case sent an email (that I got a hold of) that made fun of me for trying to nail them. Listed all the different things I had pointed out to my WS that signaled cheating. You are much more of a woman than me. Kudos to you!!!

Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2013
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

((((sadminniee))))

God be with you both.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:29 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3635 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
sadminnie
Member
Member # 38870
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, April 29th (Monday)

Thanks for all your kind words. Well I told him I couldn't be like this anymore and said I'm not gonna carry on like this if this is how it's going to be then its over. I made sure I was out his way all weekend seeing for only a couple of mins each day. He has asked if tonight we can talk (if you have read any of my other posts he doesn't do taking) so I just asked what so you can say its over and he said no, not for that but to discuss the situation. I don't understand what he would want to say that we haven't already said? I'm really anxious about it, me saying its over is one thing but then if in going to hear that from him in dreading it . I have got to get though all today thinking about it .


WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
sadminnie
Member
Member # 38870
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, April 29th (Monday)

Thanks for all your kind words. Well I told him I couldn't be like this anymore and said I'm not gonna carry on like this if this is how it's going to be then its over. I made sure I was out his way all weekend seeing for only a couple of mins each day. He has asked if tonight we can talk (if you have read any of my other posts he doesn't do taking) so I just asked what so you can say its over and he said no, not for that but to discuss the situation. I don't understand what he would want to say that we haven't already said? I'm really anxious about it, me saying its over is one thing but then if in going to hear that from him in dreading it . I have got to get though all today thinking about it .


WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, April 29th (Monday)

He probably wants to tell you it's in the past and you need to get over it.

If he refuses anything less than full transparency,honesty,IC,and NC, then tell him you're not interested. Don't settle for less than what you need.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7393 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
I think I can
Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, April 29th (Monday)

He just wants to keep cake-eating. He wants you and the OW.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8814 | Registered: Jan 2008
Topic Posts: 14