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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Some thoughts
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Cool  Posted: 9:09 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

This morning I woke up, made a pot of coffee and went for a run. The weather is finally warm. I love that first warm weather run, it always feels like there are miles and miles of possibilites before me. After my run, a thought struck me. I have what ex-shat was trying to get. I have independence, financial stability, happiness, peace, a solid relationship with my son. EOW I get to myself--to spend as I want, to do whatever I want.

Ex-shat told me that he didn't think a family man life was for him - that he needed his freedom and solitude to fix the demons that troubled him.
Isn't it funny that I had 'freedom' forced upon me and yet I'm the one that has actually fixed the demons?! I was a co-dependent, hopeless, depressed mess in my M. I also had no idea how I was going to survive sending my Teslet over on visitation...the first few months were wretched. But now? Now it's just something we each do and when we see each other again Sunday night we tell each other about our respective weekends.

I really should send ex-shat a thank you note for fucking up our marriage so I could move on to something better.

Guess the FTG mojo got me through to the other side.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4628 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Love this. Welcome to the wonderful new life of tesla!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7646 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Great post! Enjoy your Saturday!


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Love this Tesla
Congrats on seeing the positive and finding YOU


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1754 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
CharlieFoxtrot
Member
Member # 38010
Happy  Posted: 10:13 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

***LOVE***


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
KeepOnMovin
Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Great post Tesla! will be working that FTG(irl) mojo into my life!


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 300 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Love these thoughts! I too, think what I have is better than what I mourned at the beginning.

cheers!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5820 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

Love this.

There's a line in the Rhianna song "Stay" (which I hate BTW because it is the toxic dynamic I witnessed between my parents), but the line:

"Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one that needed saving".

Gets me every single time. I heard it a few months ago and I was stunned. The 'me' in that M did need saving. I wasn't strong enough to do it myself therefore this 'freedom' was forced upon me.

This lemonade out of lemons experience has turned into so much more. I can't even articulate it. I don't quite know what it is.

I wouldn't say I've fixed my demons just yet but I have brought them into the sunlight.

Cheers to you with my glass of fresh lemonade friend.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, April 27th (Saturday)

I could have written your post. I can so echo this. Everything you said from wondering how I would survive my children being gone EOW, to it evolving into me enjoying my solitude is spot on. I also have thought about sending a thank you note but I think I would rather send it to the wifetress. If she hadn't been stupid enough to stay with him and had just dumped him like his previous other women had done, I probably would have let him come back and remained in that miserable prison of a marriage. Thank God she stuck around and kept him away from me long enough for me to realize what a gift I had been given. I truly do owe her thanks.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2011
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Yes yes yes!!

You have transcended, my dear! Whoop!

I love this song lyric from Stay (by Rhianna)

Funny you're the broken one but i'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the lights it's hard to know which one of us is caving

I think of this quote daily, and it really does apply to my situation - but it's truly your's too! Amazing!

I am finding the same thing for me, and I am so glad! I thought I would be destroyed forever, broken, sad, miserable.

HA!

I am so happy, so free, and moving on to wonderful things in the next few months! I am so excited about my life now!

ETA: ok, now that is really funny! I posted before reading the rest of the responses, and it seems that SBB and I have the same lyric vault! LOL!!

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 12:16 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3584 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Here's the thing with the note. He'd never understand. How could you possibly be happy without a SO in your life?

Especially him?

Way to go!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2833 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 27th (Saturday)


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Ann124
Member
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I really should send ex-shat a thank you note for fucking up our marriage so I could move on to something better.

^^^^^
This is wonderful ... My thoughts were exactly the same this morning as I was enjoying my morning also. Great for you T!!!


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

PR, Snap!!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Love it!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9665 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
WakingFromADream
Member
Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

This is the sort of thing that I've been thinking about recently. The chance to have time for me. The chance to not have to think about WW. The chance to have a life that's not mired in the muck and come out the other side. Posts like these really help me see that it's out there and I just have to get to it not as an end point but a starting one.


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.


Posts: 1148 | Registered: Nov 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

he didn't think a family man life was for him

Yet he moved from your family to Stripper Whore and their baby Doesn't sound like a very smart guy.

So glad that you're doing well, Tesla


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13739 | Registered: Jul 2011
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Tes,
I was so happy to read this post. I get it. I've thought the exact same thing....here I am, so healthy and happy....but I never imagined I would get here.

I did not want a divorce. But I am just so much happier in my new life. And WXH? Miserable. Still. Bizarre.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1171 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

Yet he moved from your family to Stripper Whore and their baby Doesn't sound like a very smart guy.

I know...the irony. This guy doesn't need the karma bus to run him over, he's already had the karma tank splat him. What a fool.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4628 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Same here-- I'm moving on and enjoying life, and STBX has thrown me over for... a woman older than he is who will be moving in his place with her two kids... so... uh... yeah. Not really sure what's going on in that pea brain of his, but I'm glad that it no longer has to concern me!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Isn't it funny that I had 'freedom' forced upon me and yet I'm the one that has actually fixed the demons?! I was a co-dependent, hopeless, depressed mess in my M.

Funny how that works out, eh?

I really should send ex-shat a thank you note for fucking up our marriage so I could move on to something better.

Yup!


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 751 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

This guy doesn't need the karma bus to run him over, he's already had the karma tank splat him.

I kind of feel like he threw himself in the path of the karma tank, almost willfully


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13739 | Registered: Jul 2011
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Tesla,
Thank you for sharing this. I was having a BAD DAY. The kids were with Genius for the day; he didn't bother to practice baseball with my son as promised before my son's baseball game this afternoon; and I'm dreading the week ahead of me.

But I put on my sneakers and grabbed some music and headed out for a run. And now I feel so much better. I know it's temporary, but at least it's a respite from the stress.

I hope we can all ultimately get to the place where you are.


Posts: 1697 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 23