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User Topic: head space
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I found out today (completely unsolicited) that XH and OW are moving to Vermont this summer. The friend who told me didn't know details, and it really doesn't matter, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were his "dream job." The timing and location both make sense. If it is, I'm glad for him, because I remember how much he wanted it, and I do think he could be good at it.

Kind of weird, I don't really feel anything about it, yet I feel compelled to tell people. Like, people who don't know him or anything about him.

Why is that?

Bleh. 99% of the time, I never even think about the fact that I was married once-upon-a-time anymore. Go away, XH, get outta my head, you deserve no space here.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

I feel the same way. But my x still takes up lots of head space. I'm working on it. You are a strong lady and are doing fantastic (you're one of my SI role models ). I'm sure this is just a temporary feeling for you.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, April 27th (Saturday)

You invested a lot of time in him and rooted for him once the same way you rooted for your own hopes and dreams. They kind of get intertwined, I suppose.

This news closes one of the chapters of the man you once knew.

Like he was the husband of someone you once knew and he has reached a milestone you've known about for some time.

It makes sense to me that way. A bit of trivia about someone you used to know. That is all.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5579 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

Hmm. Vermont isn't his home state. So much for being pissy with you that you didn't want to return "home".

Ugh. I'm glad you're sanguine about hearing any news about him and can even be generous by being glad for him.

Still though, idk what's up with a friend who thinks you need to know this, unless she was glad to know that now there's no risk of accidentally running into him. That surely is a plus. Now he can not be in your head and not be in your city.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3107 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

Amazonia

For me your post shows you are indifferent to him.

It is like "oh xyz has a new job and is moving... That's nice ... Now where did I put my keys".

The fact that you can be generous to be pleased for him and then to move on with your day without the news stirring up a hornets nest of
emotions shows you are indifferent.

Yeah for indifference


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

Cayc, yes, she told me in the context to me not running into him (which I never have), and also because she works with him and we were talking about which of their other colleagues are leaving at the end of this school year.

I think I reached indifferent maybe a year ago? I'm still not sure how I would react if I ran into him.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

I'm still not sure how I would react if I ran into him.

I have wondered that a few times and eventually come to the conclusion I will behave like a civilized human being because his choices don't longer control my emotions or behavior and I am quite please with that


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, April 28th (Sunday)

ehhh...I think it is normal. He WAS a part of your life, so a little head space is OK.

Plus, I think being glad for him is a sign that you have let go It is true indifference.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4157 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

T/J: I am so jealous reading some of these replies. I wish I didn't have to see or communicate with xh. We share custody, so I have to see him and communicate with him on a regular basis. It makes it harder to get over him, I think. End T/J.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
stretch13
Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, April 29th (Monday)

sounds like you are processing whatever little bit is hiding...even if that little bit just means showing you that you don't care. maybe your desire to repeat it is just your brain testing you to see if any feelings pop up, and being a touch incredulous that you care so little.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, April 29th (Monday)

You know what's nice? By this morning, I had forgotten all about this.

Survivor3512, re: your t/j, I know that a lot of people look at their divorces and say that their child(ren) is the only good thing to come out of it, and that they wouldn't trade their child(ren) for not having endured the pain, but I gotta be honest - I'm more glad than I can express that XH and I didn't procreate


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
stretch13
Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, April 29th (Monday)

By this morning, I had forgotten all about this.

exactly


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
Why??
Member
Member # 18132
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, April 29th (Monday)

Go Ama!!! Love your attitude
I'm thankful my xh is out of town and no common links anymore so no news of him!

Have a great Monday!


"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 13