Just Found Out
User Topic: Multiple A's are not mistakes
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

My husband wants me to forgive him as was wrong and made a mistake. To my husband: you can not claim to have made a mistake. You made a deliberate choice of betrayal. A mistake is : a wrong action or statement proceeding from faulty judgment, inadequate knowledge, or inattention

One phone call or text is a mistake. A ONS could be a mistake. Pursuing and promoting a younger women to create opportunity is a choice an immoral choice. Planning to take three different women to a conference to provide you with the possibility of sex and attention is a choice not a mistake. Asking a women to our house for sex is a choice you made. Doing this multiple times over an extended period of time and lying to your wife and family and putting our lives and security at risk is a life style choice not a mistake. That is what you are asking me to forrgive. Don't ever label this as a mistake.

This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 98 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

I agree with you.
That many times is more than "a mistake."
If he can acknowledge that he is a serial cheater & be truly remorseful about that thru actions, & you can look at it as a sickness, then maybe you can forgive him.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

HE is a mistake.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

My POS labeled his as "bad decisions." And somehow repeating those "bad decisions" and labeling them as such is supposed to somehow make it excusable and forgiveable as simply being a human weakness. Does he really think I fell of the turnip truck yesterday wearing a sign that says 'idiot?' The excuses cheaters come up with to try to excuse their actions and avoid accountability is absolutely mind numbing. Apparently they don't understand that they, and possibly other cheaters using the same "Cheaters Excuse Handbook" are the only human beings that believe that bullshit.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 5:11 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

LOL. You think you're mad now, just wait until he starts pulling out the "this happens in 50% of marriages, and THEY get back to happy" or "it happens all the time, why do you think there's so many articles and books about it?"....all leading to --> "It's no big deal, just get over it already."

Serial cheaters (mine anyway) just don't understand that they are not the *normal* breed of cheater....

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8078 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

A ONS is not a mistake.

Nobody trips and falls onto a penis..or into an open vagina.

All A's are deliberate,purposeful,and cruel.

Mine called what he did a mistake the other day. RYFKM???

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7682 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

Yeah. I always felt bad for Ted Bundy too. Poor man just made a few mistakes/bad choices. I'm sure he never meant to HURT anyone.

*Sarcasm off*

"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, April 28th (Sunday) i guess a LTA that lasted for 18 years wasn't a mistake either?????

..fortunately my fww never claimed it was a mistake.

..marrying her WAS a mistake when i look back at who i married.


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, April 29th (Monday)

Affairs should never be labeled or accepted as "a mistake" Affairs are a choice that are made willingly with the knowledge that their M will suffer much damage if caught. And they do it anyway.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5729 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, April 29th (Monday)

Mine said about his LTA, "It was only supposed to be a fling. I didn't stop it. Oops."


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 10