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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Having a hard day
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

So STBXH watched the kids overnight for me last night so I could have a girls night. I got home this morning and he was moving stuff out of the house (stuff that I have been asking him for weeks to take over to his new place). He then started asking me about what days he will take the kids next week, etc. I try so hard to be civil with him, but I know my tone isn't the friendliest. He literally makes my skin crawl when I see him though.

Well, dd (5 years old) asked why I was so mean to daddy. I felt terrible, but didn't really know how to answer. I think I may have done this totally wrong. I told her that daddy did some not very nice things to mommy and my feelings are hurt, but that I need to work on forgiving him and try to be nicer. She then told me that she loved daddy and I told her that I was glad she did and that I never want her to not love him and that he loves her too. I then re-affirmed that we both loved her and would always be there for her no matter what happens.

Ugh, I never want to bad mouth him to her, I really don't. However, I also feel like I can't lie to her and put on a happy face when I feel like I'm dying inside. I have to be sort of bitchy around him or I'll cry. I'm just not able to hide my emotions yet. I can't wait until I get to that blissful place of indifference. The extra annoying thing is that dumbass sat there and didn't say a word through any of it. Never once re-assured her that he loved her, nothing. Wouldn't you say something?

He then left and I walked into my bedroom and saw the empty closet. I started to cry. I'm really not even sure of why. I've wanted his stuff out for so long and know that I need this to move forward, but it felt so empty. The sadness just kind of took over realizing that my life has changed forever.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 902 | Registered: Mar 2013
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

The best way to fix the empty closet is to put some of your stuff in there. I moved my stuff to take over her half f the closet when she left and it felt great. It looks like it belongs there and honestly I can't see how wnyone else's stuff can fit in there anymore.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3421 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, April 28th (Sunday)

(((newlysingle)))

I think what you said to your daughter was perfect. She is quite observant and obviously trusts you because she brought the question to you. She was not afraid to ask and she trusted you to give her an answer that would make sense. I think you did that!!

Pretending nothing is wrong when something so clearly is would make her feel insecure and confused. Your very honest and frank admission of the cause and effect of what your daughter saw didn't trash anyone or give her too much information.

As for the closet? crying at such a thing is very normal. A visual reminder that things are different.

many many (((hugs)))


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5841 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 3