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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Finalized Divorce, still confused.
sns53097
Member
Member # 34598
Question  Posted: 12:04 PM, April 29th (Monday)

So my divorce is final, I have been blessed with a new, old name. I thought things would get easier. But, I thought wrong. He still is causing problems with not paying things he is supposed to pay for. But that is a conversation for another day.

This dating s&*t is for the birds! I don't know what I am doing. Back story on me is that I dated my ex husband at 17 years old. I think I'm doing things wrong. I have been kind of testing the waters for some time now. I met a guy, seemed to hit it off. We talked nearly everyday for months, I didn't introduce him to my children, and instead of things getting closer they drifted apart after the second month. Then down to nothing. I picked myself up and brushed it off. (It did hurt though) Then I shamed myself by having a one night stand. It's probably fine, but not my style. Got past that and met someone who made me laugh and had a great time. He is quite a bit younger than me, but I thought I would just go with the flow and see what happens. We aren't in a "relationship" but pretty much act like it. He says he doesn't have anyone else like me, and I am the same. But after a few months, we went a week without talking at all. He didn't answer any type of communication. Then he appologised and said he is sometimes bad with communication. I have backed off and am a little concerned about getting too close. We are back to talking everyday again.

In the meantime, while we were not talking the first guy came back to start texting me and we met up once, just for me to realize I can't take him seriously. He is my age, divorced, has two children, but acts over 10 years younger and has commitment issues. I'm no booty call, so I'm done with that.

Add another situation, my ex husband has moved in with his girlfriend. The girl he cheated on me with. He has just informed me that they will both be attending my dd's softball games. I really don't care that they are together, I wouldn't take my ex back if you paid me. I am just not sure how to handle the situation. Do I ignore that they are even there? Should I be nice? How can I be the bigger person? Any and all opinions are welcome on any of this. I can use it, just please don't be harsh.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
sns53097
Member
Member # 34598
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 29th (Monday)

Oh, and the second one met my kids casually for a few hours, but as nothing more than a friend of mine.


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
phillygirl
Member
Member # 9078
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, April 29th (Monday)

I saw this and just had to comment.

WTF is with these tramps that they MUST go to events like this? Must they piss on the BS's leg like a feral dog?

She doesn't have to be there, no one think one way or another if she wasn't. I'm pretty sure even a whore has better things to do with her time than watch a softball game filled with children she doesn't know and is not related to.

I was a step-mom to my STBXH HS aged daughter and I have dated men with children before. It would have never ever occurred to me to go to such an event unless I had a deep long term relationship with the child, I had been invited by said child (even casually) and the mother was ok with it.

I guess just chalk this up to the OW being insecure and wanting to wear an "I Won" sign on her forehead.

Is your child ok with this? I mean really ok with it? If your kid feels the slightest bit icky about it, I would tell the EX to go pound rocks, his holemate is not welcome. These events are for the kids and their parents to bask in parental pride. No room in the limelight for homewreckers.


Me - BW
Him - WH
Divorced - 7/2013

Posts: 825 | Registered: Dec 2005
sns53097
Member
Member # 34598
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, April 29th (Monday)

This is my 11 year old daughter. She goes and stays with them every other weekend. She is very in tune with everyone's feelings and would never admit to not wanting her at the games because she wouldn't want to hurt her dad's feelings.

My oldest daughter, however, is helping coach the team. She has no contact with her dad because she feels like he cheated on her too, and replaced our family with another one. She is likely going to be very angry at her dad for this.

I sent him a message saying Am I supposed to care? But, how do you think that will affect dd? You should really be using this opportunity to try to get your relationship with her back.

Of course I got no answer!


BS(me)--34
WS (him)--34
Married-- 5/31/1997
DDay-- 1/8/2012
Filed-- 2/17/2012
Final - 4/22/13
Daughters-- 12 & 18

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2012
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, April 29th (Monday)

I'm sorry for your hard time with your kids and WH. This is coming for DD and I at some point and I gag when I think of it.

Family on "his side" are wondering if OW will appear at family events sometime soon now that it's out of the bag.

For me, advice would be to hold your head high and maybe nod if you have to be anywhere near them. Then they can't say you ignored them and make trouble and you can move past the day with remberances of taking the high road.

I don't know if ignoring gets more attention than not doing it or how that works, but with the attention-seeking I would suspect they would really notice that.

STBXH in this case is starting to talk about DD meeting her "at some point" and this makes me gag. I don't know how long I can post pone it and I will never understand how he thinks this is a good person or one who could be a role model.

I always feel sad for our kids when they get caught up in this stuff. But I think they are pretty in tune to grown ups and figure things out for themselves, too, like your older daughter is?

DD is starting to catch on to the lying that STBXH does and it breaks my heart when he lets her down. The only silver lining in it is that he can't trick her with "glitter", like buying stuff, so much anymore.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 5