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User Topic: My gosh!
changedibr
New Member
Member # 39119
Stop  Posted: 6:29 PM, April 29th (Monday)

So it's been two years since I cheated. When we first got back together it was terrible but then things got better and now all of a sudden theyre terrible again! I don't know why well I guess I know and understand why but my gosh. My wife is so unsure of me and it makes me uncomfortable. She keeps asking for this and that but everything I gave her she never accepted. So how can I give her anything? Half of her wants me to hold her the other half doesn't what the hell am I suppossed to do? We don't have sex now how can we I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of her or have the lay down don't move I feel like I'm rapping you sex. I've said I'm sorry I've apologized showed remorse etc but then after two year it's like we're back to square one. Plus we have communication problems or at least I do. I don't know why but every time she tries to talk to me I've got nothing to say and when I finally say something she takes it the wrong way. Like tonight she said where ae we going and I replied I don't know anymore. She thinks I mean I don't know if well stay married or get divorced I didn't mean that at all. I just meant I thought things were good now they're bad all of a sudden I have no idea what's going on. anyways were stuck in this routine and don't seem to be coming out of it.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Apr 2013
UnexpectedSong
Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

I just meant I thought things were good now they're bad all of a sudden I have no idea what's going on.

Did you say these words to her? Don't make her guess. Don't say "I don't know" and make her have to figure out what you mean.

The roller coaster lasts a long time and there will be ups and downs for years. Just accept that as one of the consequences.

As a general question, do you have communication issues with other people as well?


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6075 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
confetticheck
New Member
Member # 38676
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Hey C,
My first question would be what did you guys do to make it better in the first place. IC/MC, or just knock down drag outs? It doesn't seemed to have worked for your BS whatever it was. Sounds like you guys might have swept it under the rug. If that's the case it's been burning her up all this time. You may be back to square one, and need to act like it too. Talk, talk, talk, she needs to know what's in your head. Communication skills should have been a top priority for any kind of real R. Not just going to neutral corners until it fades away. It ain't ever gonna fade away.
Like being back at square one, she is going to take plenty the wrong way but you gotta keep the conversation going. It might not seem like it but it will help her. There were lots of times I didn't have an answer about my own dam feelings but We would keep talking and some things would get straightened out. And then we would do it again, and then again. Oh, and it was terribly painful at times. Oh well, you reap what you sow. Remember how much you love her and how much you want to help her heal and it keeps you going.


Me - WH
Her - BW
Married 20 yrs, 3 kids
DDay - 17 Nov '12 (5 month PA)

Life's tough, it's tougher when your stupid.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 3