SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: He's coming to my IC with me..What the heck am I thinking!
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, April 29th (Monday)

My SAWH is coming to my IC. He saw her alone and he confessed things that he never did to me.

What the heck should we talk about?


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, April 29th (Monday)

When?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, April 29th (Monday)

I'm confused. Whywould your IC see him alone? Isn't that frowned upon?

What purpose does your IC think this serves? Is this supposed to be about R, about what? Remember, you don't have to agree to anything just because your IC says so.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 29th (Monday)

Later this week.

She wanted to meet him alone and with me because I told her that he acts differently when I am there.

I wanted her to know what he's like, how he communicates with me. I think she will be able to work with me better if she meets him.

I don't know what we will talk about. He still denies the PA. She told her he loves me, sees a future with me, is still attracted to me and never wanted any of this (divorce).


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, April 29th (Monday)

Then she must also be able to tell him if he didn't want the D, he should've made different choices. Even now, he should make better choices.

Starting with being honest and transparent with you, rather than your IC.

I hope this isn't an ambush where he dumps all his "confession" on you with your IC as a guide. I have a friend that's still traumatized by that a few years after it happened.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

HI, its been 3 long years. I am doing a lot of stuff on my own now. I will financially in trouble after we divorce, but can bounce back in a few years.

My IC did push him confess what he did; she told me. Its a long road with a depressed SA.

I am waffling about just moving on with my life. I have had many things including a 20 + year marriage, children. Some are still waiting to have kids and be married.

I am scared. I am scared that my decision to D will backfire, however I know there are no guarantees.

The day we go to IC is our wedding anniversary too!


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 6