New Beginnings
User Topic: T M I Question for the Men
Member # 2768
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

SO is 51, I am 37. He has begun to experience ED issues when we are intimate. Sometimes he cannot achieve an erection, sometimes he can but loses it once intercourse begins. Even when we do manage intercourse, he rarely "finishes."

I asked if he experienced the ED when he masturbated, and he told me that if he "plays" with it enough then yes, he is successful.

Although he has done nothing to make me suspicious, I can't help but wonder if anything else is going on, or if that is just my own insecurities talking because of past hurts.

I guess my basic question boils down to this: Is it normal for a man to experience ED with his partner but not when he is alone?


Posts: 117 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: atlanta, ga
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

YES! It totally is for a number of reasons. Think of it this way- and I know it's a bit crude but- if a girl's with a guy do they always finish- I'm a married man and I know this isn't the case- if a girls alone, I doubt they struggle!

I read loads about it a couple of months ago and even went to my GP because I thought I had a problem- mine was because of the stress of all this shit but there's all kinds of reasons- very very very (very!!) rarely the lady involved- I promise you that and alone- well you know what buttons to push and with no pressure whatsoever have time to focus on the finish.

BH-29 (me)

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.

Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Not a male, but I can attest that a guy with ED can indeed finish via masterbation without the use of ED drugs.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Yes, totally normal. You might suggest that he see a doctor and have his testosterone levels checked.

Posts: 1734 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Yep... Completely normal...


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

Posts: 5982 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)

There are some vitamins at GNC that have beta sterols and saw palmetto blends in them that help a lot in this area. I know because I have taken them for the same reason. Right now I am takign Mega Men 50+ for all of the vitamins I mat nneed and to try to build energy. A couple of years ago I took a pill from GNC called Prostalex to help with prostate issues I was having. As a result of this pill, the ED was gone.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)


Stress, age, and 20 years playing the same course are causes I am familiar with. I am about the same age as your SO, and I am feeling the effects of age on my performance.

I also am familiar with the feeling that once there is an ED problem, the ED problem adds to the list of stress and problem.

There is a lot of sexual touching that is pleasurable, but not so focused on erection and orgasm for the male. Tantra exercises and play were helpful for me after dday when the stress and mind movies kicked in.

You maight also ask him to demonstrate masturbating himself for you, to include that in your love-making for his finish.

FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4133 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
New Member
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

I would err on the side of fairness and give him the benefit of the doubt, since past hurt could be clouding your judgment.

There have been times when I just wasn't in the mood, but didn't want to pass up sex. Then there were times when the sex just wasn't good. Not saying it was her or me...just saying that particular "session" wasn't very enjoyable and I lost interest. I'm sure that happens with women. Your guy could have an off day and you just lay there and fake it to spare his feelings. We don't have that luxury, since you get an instant indicator of whether or not we're enjoying it.

Then it could just be his age and clinical ED. I have no experience there, but I can say that, in the mood or not, I can probably arouse myself a million times better than someone else because I know exactly what to do. Just be gentle in your handling of it. For most of us, our ego is directly tied to that issue.

D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 31
Her, WW: 31
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 3
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 16631
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)

Google erectile dysfunction heart disease. Just to be on the safe side.

Posts: 609 | Registered: Oct 2007
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)

^^^^^^^ THIS. ^^^^^^^^

FWS died of massive cardiac failure. In hindsight, I should have insisted his doctor run tests on his heart because he also had other indicators.

Do it. Don't wait.


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6580 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Member # 2768
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)

Thanks so much, everyone! You've given me such peace of mind, and I will definitely discuss these suggestions with SO!

Posts: 117 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: atlanta, ga
Topic Posts: 11