SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: Confrontation-why do I need more?
Foolme1
Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, May 2nd (Thursday)

I know what I know. I have the text messages. Yet, I still need more evidence. I need it because he will try to talk his way out of this and I need concrete proof that he cannot deny and try to make me out to be the crazy person here. why do I even care??? I feel that unless I have concrete proof, he will straight up refuse to leave the house. and I really dont want to get police/courts involved.

regarding custody and child support, its all already taken care off. I have custody, he has every other weekend and 1 night a week. It was all taken care of when we separated 3 years ago. so no need to get courts involved. Plus, hes' too busy with school, I don't see him trying to get custody of dd.

This is all just exhausting.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
Darkonius
Member
Member # 39135
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, May 2nd (Thursday)

So sorry that you have a reason to find yourself here.
Even when faced with overwhelming evidence my WW flatly denied the A, and went as far as to tell me I was overreacting, and that it was just friendly texts between 2 stressed out people that shared an inside joke that when looked at from the outside was taken out of context. I'm a pretty smart guy (Engineer), and so I realized that this was not going to get to the bottom of things so I took a different approach, I was absolutely sure of the answers I would eventually get too, and I displayed that confidence to her, I told her that I knew more than just the texts even though at this point I was really just guessing. I improv'd enough to make it seem legit that I may indeed have a lot more information, and I made sure not to give her any further details on how I might know more. Basically I used the details that I already had and fed them to her, then implied that I knew more by filling in a few blanks then handed her the shovel and let her dig her own stupid hole. Why should you do all of the work? let them dig up the facts. They will begin to say things like "did so and so say something to you?" and other incriminating things that you can continue to play on. Hand a shovel and show him the dirt, let him start digging.


Me:BH/Madhatter 39
Her: WS 42
Children:None
DDay#1: 1995
DDay#2: 1999
DDay#3:3/4/2013
Married:19yrs
Status: Working towards R

You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013
Darkonius
Member
Member # 39135
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

At this point my WW is 100% convinced that I have keylogger programs installed on her PC and ipad, that I have hacked into her GPS of her iphone and track her every movement, and that I have ghosted her electronic devices to mine and see every text and email that she receives. I dont have any of these things in place lol,and I find it very amusing that she whole heartedly believes I do,though I suppose in truth I probably could if I thought I needed them. The funny thing is that she came up with all of these possibilities of how I "knew" the things that in reality she had been feeding me piece by piece as she dug her hole, and I have never implied having done any of these things. Her fear of what I might know, drives her to tell me things that a million questions would never pry loose.


Me:BH/Madhatter 39
Her: WS 42
Children:None
DDay#1: 1995
DDay#2: 1999
DDay#3:3/4/2013
Married:19yrs
Status: Working towards R

You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013
Foolme1
Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

It hurts that he has denied me. Denied my existence. Denied the love that I tried to offer him. To venture out and see if someone else can offer him the love he needs, apparently. When all this time, I was willing to try to forgive and love and build our family again. Apparently, even though the grass was not greener on the other side before, he is willing to take that risk again. Maybe the second time around the grass is greener....


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
callmecrazy
Member
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

I think its the fear of not being 100%. I saw texts only to be told they planted them bc I thought they were and he figured Id snoop. Ive caught him at her house at 2 am and just not where he said. If you are like me...as much as you dont really want to, you probably would love to see them together as 100% proof. Someone on here said you dont have to have permission to know the truth...I think on this bc it is oh so true.

Best of luck!


Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Foome1, if the grass is greener, it''s because it''s planted over a septic tank.

Only you know when enough proof is enough proof, but frankly, I would follow Darkonius''s suggestion and keep repeating, "you need to tell me the truth. I know and you know that you''re cheating. It doesn''t matter how I know or who I''ve spoken with, you know and I know that you''re cheating. You need to tell me the truth." Until you get the truth, he leaves, or you are disgusted enough to realize that you really don''t need any more "evidence."

Conversely, if you really, truly want/need to know, hire a PI. Spend some of those family funds that he''s been looting from your account. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4802 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, May 3rd (Friday)

My STBXH doesn't deny the A now, but denies that it was all his doing. He's working very hard to push blame on me and I will not accept it.

Even when we argued, it's not a permit to do all that he did.

He's even trying to say "we" to people about getting divorced. "We?" Whaaa????

I said once in anger, I didn't go to OW's house, too!!!!!????

I hope you won't have to call the police. The one thing I do realize to share about trying to hold off court is that the law is about the only boundary STBXH believes in.

For me to not feel like the crazy person, I started a journal and make certainly certain that I say the same things over and over again. Then he knows my stance on something and I also know my stance and that way I am less wobbly with responding.

Don't know if it helps any.

MY STBXH is passive aggressive and a few other things and works very hard to make anything he does another persons fault-usually mine. If you can get to a sturdy rung on a ladder with your contact with him, I think it will put you in a good spot and hopefully be good for you.

It sure is easier to remember!


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 3rd (Friday)

P.S. STBXH in this case got very, very angry and defensive when confronted, even politely. He defended OW with a bunch of inappropriate stuff, like using my pictures for herself. Then he would switch his answers.

During my stronger minutes, it would be almost a fun ride to see if he would squirm. Luckily, it's electronic so I have it. And you know what? Once I hired a lawyer, I'm told some of it isn't there anymore or has gone underground more-like social network stuff.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 8