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Wayward Side
User Topic: Will I ever learn?
Jack317
New Member
Member # 39010
Stop  Posted: 5:56 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

OK. I made another HUGE mistake. About a week and a half after NC with the OW, I called her to tell her that I never wanted to see her again. That I was sorry I hurt her. She, in turn, told me that I was a bastard, and that she would tell people the same. My BS discovered the call today. This time I came clean. I told her what I had done. I've been sobbing ever since. I know. I should have told my BS the day afterwords. But I didn't. I also realize I never should have called her. Why do I keep making these mistakes? Am I beyond hope?

Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Jack317
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Will you ever learn? Well Jack, that's up to you.

Plenty of us have continued lying to our BSs and have broken NC after d-day. Some of us decided to get off the pity pot and start self reflecting. The lucky ones were able to get the gift of R from their BSs.

The ones who continued lying, trickle truthing, didn't do the self reflection, learning from their shitty ways, didn't get to R.

Which one will you be?

Is there anything else you need to tell your BW?

What work are you doing to change? What are you doing to figure out why you're continuing to make the wrong choices?


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37594 | Registered: Sep 2007
Card
Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Jack,

You wrote a No Contact letter about two weeks ago to tell OW you don't want contact, right?

Now you call to "tell" OW you don't want contact, right?


Is your BS spouse buying that your "hidden" call was for the reason you've said?


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
Card
Member
Member # 23667
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Am I beyond hope?

Of course not!


WH (me)
BS (her)

D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin


Posts: 570 | Registered: Apr 2009
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

So why don't you start getting honest with the real reason you called her. After all you did tell her you were sorry.

You are never going to get on the road to being honest and authentic until you can be that with at least yourself.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4866 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Topic Posts: 5