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User Topic: Really good article about Secrecy and WS minimizing
Betrayed67
Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Thought I share this link to everyone here who is still getting their head around why WS minimizes their actions. I found this to be really enlightening.

http://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/betrayal-the-secrecy-factor


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Thank you!


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
cheerless
Member
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Integrity is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will.

^That, & this:

Commitments are a big deal and the impact of infidelity is extreme. Integrity stays true to commitments even when no one is watching. If you believe that statement to be true but you’re someone who violates their beliefs, then you need to explore what rationalizations you’re using to violate your beliefs.

(I could really just cut & paste the whole thing!)

Thank you for sharing this, B67!


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
Betrayed67
Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

You are all welcome. This article just explains a lot of my WS behavior. The author was describing my WS to a T!


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
cosmicjoke
Member
Member # 39159
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

Thank you B67. This is something we've all been struggling to describe to our SO's.. (it's sad that we should even have to!)... & Mr. Reynolds puts it into words so accurately.
Re- 'Secrecy plays a huge factor in the absence of guilt':
Yes obviously.. but there's more to it than that.... you also need an extreme lack of basic human empathy to have an absence of guilt (think serial killer). You view other people as just 'things' to be used for your own advantage. Plus sick people get a sick thrill in 'getting away with something'.. it gives them a high like a drug.

Posts: 86 | Registered: May 2013
absolut
Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)

great article, thanks.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Dec 2012
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, May 3rd (Friday)

What an awesome article. Thank you for sharing!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 3rd (Friday)

This article just explains a lot of my WS behavior. The author was describing my WS to a T!

And the article was written by a former WS, which gives it a little more weight IMO.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1032 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, May 3rd (Friday)

I think of secrecy also as a controlling device.???


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 9