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User Topic: I did it again asked a question
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, May 3rd (Friday)

Well I asked a question that I probably didn't want to know the answer to, but I got the answer anyway. First I kicked my Wh out. Supposedly, and I have spies,he has not been back to Ow house since D-day. He did tell me that he had spoken to her but I stupidy thought it was just maybe once to say he needed to straighten himself out. Well today I purposely asked how often he has spoken to her and he said maybe every couple days. I was so hurt all over again and feel betrayed all over again. But that was my fault for thinking it was one call, he never said that. He says he is very confused about whole situation and I can tell you he hasn't been himself in a while. So I told him if he wants to clear his thoughts I would suggest he break contact with her because there is no way he can figure out what he wants while still being in contact with the skank. I am not saying I will take him back that is still my decision but I certainly will not consider it with him still contacting her. I shouldn't even be speaking with him but it always starts as a business conversation and ends up here. He has almost completely stopped his drinking but not getting any hopes up. Im not even sure I could take him back, too early in this nightmare to tell.


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
h0pe4ul
Member
Member # 38446
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, May 3rd (Friday)

Wow, Savvy!!!

Your D-day was just last week.

This is so fresh for you.

So, I can only imagine what you are going through right now.

You are doing right by telling your WH to cut contact with the OW if he is thinking of trying to work things out with you.

You are also right in letting him know he can't cake eat!!!!!!

Applause to you!!

There is just no other way he can reconcile with you without first cutting ties w/the one who is helping him wreak havoc in your marriage.

You are also right that YOU are the only one who can decide whether or not you will keep the marriage or not.

We're here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on bc the road ahead will not be easy.

However, you sound like a strong woman who won't play games.

Stand your ground and move as you feel you need to. Do what's best for you during this time because you are going to have to take care of yourself more now than ever.

I hope your WH comes around.

Standing with you!!

You are not alone.

[This message edited by h0pe4ul at 7:28 PM, May 3rd (Friday)]


Posts: 176 | Registered: Feb 2013
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, May 3rd (Friday)

Yes it is still very new and raw. I probably sound stronger than I am. Still having issue not calling him. I'm ok one minute and falling to pieces the next. I'm also not dealing well with the empty house. I hate this so much. Never felt so much pain , sadness, anger, and hopelessness all at one time. So scared about the future!


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
eyesrnowopen
Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

So sorry you are here. I am 7 weeks out and was asking ?s, trying to get him to understand how I feel. Trying to get him to be sorry.

Are you familiar with the 180 on the FAQ in the library here? I decided he does not care about my feelings or my well being at this point, so now I look inside myself for healing. He doesn't care and each time I tried to get him to care, I ended up feeling rejected again. My DD asked me why I keep victimizing myself this way.

So I stopped asking him. Even when I first started this I had a hard time sticking with it. So I limit my business conversations to emails and text. I deleted his phone number from my contacts so I have to put in each number and I count to 10 between each number. Usually by the time I get to the third number I think better of it.

When I do have to see him, I limit conversation and keep busy. He comes to see the kids and I leave. I run errands, go to the gym, shop. He is coming today to see kids and I have a ton of laundry. So today I'm trying to stay do laundry and go about my business.

My advice is to find some healing within. Don't give him any more power to keep victimizing you. Set your boundaries. Treat him like a business associate that you don't trust.

[This message edited by eyesrnowopen at 8:30 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 4