SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Filed and about to serve but baby in intensive care
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Frustrated  Posted: 1:25 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

I''''m beside myself typing from the ICU. The baby fell out of the bed when I went to go rinse my burning eye out real quick, and after a few minutes of crying he HAD A SEIZURE. I called 911 and they took forever to come, he was out of it for like 20 minutes after a 3 minutes seizure. He ended up getting a CT scan than showed blood on the brain (subdural hematoma). Fortunately he doesn''''t need surgery but as part of the work up he got his eyes checked and he has retinal hemorrhages!

so now they think he was SHAKEN and CPS and a forensic pediatrician will be getting involved!!! It''''s pretty much just me, hubby and the nanny caring for him and I can''''t imagine either of them doing anything like it must be a mistake. Even though WS has made mistakes I''''d still blame the nanny before him, he''''s been nothing but a gentle doting dad

Everything is messed up right now. I filed for divorce yesterday and was going to have WS served Monday but I can''''t do that now. We''''re both worried sick and he''''s been wonderful. Plus he''''ll for sure challenge my full custody after this mistake...

Anyway prayers please!

[This message edited by careerlady at 1:26 AM, May 4th, 2013 (Saturday)]


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

I am so sorry. Strength, prayers, whatever I've got that you need is on the way!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2727 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Sending prays for that sweet boy.


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17082 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I know this is a nightmare, but it's really just bad luck if all of that is from a fall from the bed. Almost everyone will have a baby fall off the bed at some point or another, and rarely so they get seriously injured. Yes, it's terrible that he got hurt so badly, but falling off the bed is not a reflection on your parenting or a reason you should lose custody of your child. It happens every day.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Thanks. WH and I were cuddling at his bedside until he left to get stuff from home for us. Now I''m so conflicted as to whether to serve this man....


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 5:06 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

How horrible and overwhelming! Prayers being sent for your precious boy!

Whenever anything medical comes up I always go to the web, (knowledge is power). Sending you a pm if you are interested.

((careerlady)) and more prayers.

eta: putting off serving him isn't unreasonable under the circumstances. One crisis at a time.

[This message edited by Take2 at 5:37 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
macakipa
Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Oh careerlady, I am so sorry! Prayers and strength coming your way. (((hugs)))


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

((((((careerlady))))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

First of all hugs to you and your baby.

I would absolutely hold off serving him. This may get very legally complicated for a while and you don't need any distractions right now. As a former pediatric health care worker, if there is even a suspicion of abuse they will tear apart your life to see if there is anything that could have lead to this.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Sending you strength! Hope your little one is doing better very soon.

Put all the rest to the back of your mind right now and focus on your little man.

Thinking of you careerlady!


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
foxglove
Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

(((careerlady)))

I'm so sorry. Sending lots of strength and good thoughts your way.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1452 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

Oh my goodness. Prayers going out for your sweet boy. I'm so sorry that this has happened. I have a 7 month old DS and he rolled off the couch the other day and hit his head on the coffee table. Fortunately, he only cried for a few seconds so I knew he was okay. I think it scared him more than anything, but of course this stuff has happened to all of us mothers at one time or another. It's just so rare for them to be hurt so badly.

Do they think they he had some type of trauma before rolling off the bed? Is that why they are contacting CPS? I'm so, so sorry. Glad to know that your WS is at least there for you right now.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 879 | Registered: Mar 2013
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry- what a scary situation.

They're saying the fall doesn't explain his injuries? Is there any way the most current OW has been around baby?


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11134 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

And feel free to PM me, my cousin went through a similar situation a couple of years ago. It all turned out well, but it was an awful couple of weeks.

Again, hope your son is doing well and try, try to remember everyone is doing their best for your son.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

(((career & baby)))

I'm sorry. Sending prayers.


Posts: 34777 | Registered: Mar 2011
Foolme1
Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 4th (Saturday)

(((careerlady)))


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

((((baby boy))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25073 | Registered: Aug 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Prayers for your baby.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4149 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
CheaterMagnet
Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

(((((((HUGS))))))))


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1025 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
iwantamiracle
Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

((((careerlady and baby)))))

sending thoughts, prayers and mojo your way

def put off serving him now....even if you decide you still want to, now is not the time...as someone else said...one crisis at a time if you can help it

concentrate on your precious child....

and i am sure cps will get to bottom of whatever has or has not happened...don 't think about that right now...just concentrate on the baby and his getting well....and cooperate with whatever info they need...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 6038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
fraeuken
Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 6th (Monday)

So sorry to hear. Put off filing and focus on your baby. And please let us know how things are going. Sending hugs and prayers.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1247 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, May 6th (Monday)

Any updates on your baby? I really hope he is going to be okay.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 879 | Registered: Mar 2013
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, May 6th (Monday)

(((careerlady & baby)))


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Thanks for your support all!

Baby is doing great he''s his usual happy self. Just not getting as much sleep in the ICU. The MRI done today showed multiple areas of bleeding in the brain and they think he was shaken violently within the last week! (. WS was put of town for 2 weeks so that leaves just me and the nanny. I am SICK over this and when my son gets discharged tomorrow it will be without me cause they think I could have done it!!!!

I can''t see myself serving WS anytime soon....


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
JennasMom
Member
Member # 35744
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

(((((Careerlady))))

Keeping you and your son in my prayers. I am so, so sorry and I can't even imagine the pain you must be in. Please be strong, your son needs you.


Me: fWW/BW, 29, EA
Him: WH, 30 (whatnow999), Multiple PAs
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
Kids: DD, 4 and DS, 6 Wks

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Midwest
landabear
Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

careerlady, I know that right now you have to "mind your ps and qs" with social services, but make sure that the doctors at the hospital and the baby's pediatrician are checking for other causes:

http://www.npr.org/2011/06/29/137471992/rethinking-shaken-baby-syndrome

Something as simple as a treatable clotting disorder could be to blame, not you or the nanny.


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 740 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Thanks yes they drew a ton of blood and are checking for every disorder they can think of. So far all negative. Also the MRI should show multiple bleeds of different ages if it''s a clotting disorder, these were all the same age. We are also going to be seen by a forensic pediatrician. I was looking at all type of interpretations when it was just the retina but now it''s looking bad (


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Thinking of you and your baby today.

(((((careerlady)))))


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2111 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
BlueWoman
Member
Member # 36849
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

(((Careerlady))) I can't even imagine. Huge, huge hugs.


Me: BS, 37
Many DDs over the last half of the marriage. He probably cheated all along.
Divorce is underway.

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

So now the MRI''s age has cleared WS and the case worker is going to recommend he get custody while I move out and get a permanent marr on record with CPS. Court tomorrow will decide who custody goes to and my visitation rights. They said it could be as little as an hour a week and could take months to be able to move back in! I am freaking out right now and would rather rugsweep for the rest of my life and be with WS than lose my son. This is a nightmare, life was great and it disintegrated in a matter of 3 weeks.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
sammie
Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

WHAT???????????????

The nanny!!!! WHAT ABOUT THE NANNY???

Omg, I cannot believe this...


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 2:51 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

I hope it's okay to post here

I am so sorry. Have you looked into a lawyer?

[This message edited by lauren123 at 2:52 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Laura28
Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:21 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

(((careerlady)))


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2746 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

(((((((((careerlady))))))))))

Sending prayers your way.

Hugs, too.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ArkLaMiss
Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Have they questioned the nanny yet? Or checked her background? Why are they assuming YOU did it?


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1178 | Registered: Jun 2007
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Lawyer....Lawyer NOW....fight this, if you know you didnt do it fight it with all your motherly might.

This is crazy!

I am so sorry for you right now...I am sending you strength to fight for your baby....


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Thanks. Yeah the police are talking to the nanny but CPS says their focus is on the parents. So since I was the responsible parent because I l either hurt him or left him with someone who hurt him I''m liable. There''s no burden of proof for them.

I have a lawyer and will be fighting with all I''ve got


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, My hope is the Nanny is found guilty by the police, clearing you of all wrongdoing, that you are allowed to be with your son and that your sweet baby boy is able to heal and not have any issues or complications. You are in my prayers and thoughts, my mother's heart is just breaking for you, I don't know how you are managing to keep from tearing the Nanny up with your bare hands, I don't know that I would be able to be restrained at all.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

((((careerlady))))

I'm so sorry you are being accused of this - I can't even imagine.


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3229 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, May 9th (Thursday)

Thinking of you and your little one today, and wishing you strength, peace, prayers, and good MoJo.

(((((CareerLady))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8249 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Keeping you and your son in my prayers.

How are you doing today?

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

((((((careerlady)))))))
Keep fighting...do what you can. I just don't understand how CPS can hold you liable if the nanny was doing it.

Thinking about you and your baby.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4610 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, May 10th (Friday)

career lady :)

Am worried about you. Please let us know how you are :)


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Lost and Betraye
Member
Member # 33988
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 10th (Friday)

(((careerlady)))


Me=BS 50; Him=WS 46; Dday 11/10/11
Married 13 years; together 20
Kids: DD11;(2) grown boys/men from my previous marriage to a WS
Status: Divorcing

"The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post" L Thomas Holdcroft


Posts: 317 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: CA
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Sorry for the delay!!!

I got a miracle!!! A much more family oriented judge was substituted for the original and she decided I could stay in the same place with My son as long as a 3rd adult relative is present!!!! Not perfect cause stuck with my mother in law (my mom is here but will have to leave soon) and obviously WS.

I can''t really serve him until this CPS nightmare is over so I told him this is his opportunity to make me change my mind. So I guess I''m in limbo.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Great news!!!!!


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
LiveLuvLaph
Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

prayers for your baby and family


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Jul 2007
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, May 13th (Monday)

((((CL))))
I hope that things continue in your favor.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8249 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 48