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User Topic: Seperation by Text
wastoosoft
New Member
Member # 39176
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Was sent a message by text that we were seperating.

I found a text on his phone from OW so I confronted him about it, I didnt scream or shout, I asked why? Everything he came back with was either petty and or a lie, it was like he was convincing himself that he had valid reasons for his infidelity.

I just cried the rest of the night, he got up the following day to go to work, I told him it was either me or her.

When he got to work he text me to say he was going to stay at a friends for a couple of days

He then text me after a couple of days and said we were seperating, I did suggest marriage guidance as 16 yrs married and 20 years together was a lot to throw away.

I have loved him all those years, through good times and bad, stood by him, been loyal to him, and that is how he has treated me.

I Ended up going to counselling because I was so confused, I wondered what I had done to deserve this kind of treatment, but she has finally convinced me that the problem was his not mine and the reason he has not been in contact is because he knows I didnt deserve it and that he is a coward for not facing up to the pain he has caused.

[This message edited by wastoosoft at 6:59 PM, May 4th (Saturday)]


Me - BW (48)
Him - WH (51)
M - 16 yrs together 20 yrs
D Day - 27-12-12
OW - LeeAnn
2 Kids - 28 & 17
Seperated - 29-12-12 (great way to spend the new year)
NC with me but contacts son once in a blue moon

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Goole
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

There is nothing more cowardly than what you've described. I'm so sorry, it makes healing so much more difficult when they cut and run.

How are you holding up? Are you able to eat, sleep? Have you seen an atty. You really need to protect whatever assets you have, and if your are having health issues - you want temporary orders for support.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
impastit
Member
Member # 28951
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

I got it over text too. It's an example of WS' s cowardice.

XWW didn't didn't show any emotion at all. In the following days to D she never did. Everything was about her. 3 years later it I still is.

Sorry you got the same classless treatment. No one deserves that.


"Get over it." Classic. Classic sociopath!

DDay 4/6/10 Filed DDay, smelled it coming, again
She moved to her happy place 5/2/10
D final 11/18/10
Thank God I got the dog.


Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2010
wastoosoft
New Member
Member # 39176
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Thank you, I am very slowly getting there. He sent me a text last week asking for a telephone number that he could have found on the internet. My counsellor said it may be his way of contacting me. Well I am afraid I didnt reply. If he wants to talk to me, he knows where I am. But I know now I would not have him back, the trust has most definately gone. I am getting checked next week for any STDs because I do not think he would have used protection.


Me - BW (48)
Him - WH (51)
M - 16 yrs together 20 yrs
D Day - 27-12-12
OW - LeeAnn
2 Kids - 28 & 17
Seperated - 29-12-12 (great way to spend the new year)
NC with me but contacts son once in a blue moon

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Goole
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Good for you for not replying. The next reply he gets from you should be having D papers served to him. Please go find a lawyer early next week and get the process started. And you''re going to have to tell your children thank goodness they are essentially adults. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4719 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

What an absolute coward. A sickening, spineless excuse for a man.

I cease to be amazed at how these creatures from hell can pretend to be human for so long before their true nature shows. To be a husband for so many years before making it known that he has about as much maturity as a preteen boy? Amazing.


(((wastoosoft)) His actions made it clear that you're not losing anything worth having. OW "won" a brand new (to her) piece of trash.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
wastoosoft
New Member
Member # 39176
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Thank you all, I really appreciate your comments. Our son knows about it all, but in the end its his Dad and I dont say much about this to him. He will slowly learn the hard way what is Dad is all about (He has already let him down a couple of times, at the moment he is accepting his excuses, but eventually he wont) So any distancing between his Dad and him will at least not be my doing, his Dad will do it all on his own, going by what he has been like with his daughter from his previous marriage.

We had both been married before, I have a daughter 28 from my previous marriage who lived with us and of course she saw him as her Dad. She left many years ago and lives with her boyfriend. She knows everything too.

His daughter I have talked to a couple of times on the computer but only to see how she is (I can do that now) He wouldnt send her birthday cards or anything even though I went out and bought them. So now I can keep contact with her and send her birthday cards and things, its good for my son to keep contact with his sisters.

So as you can see he does not have a good record for keeping in contact with his children


Me - BW (48)
Him - WH (51)
M - 16 yrs together 20 yrs
D Day - 27-12-12
OW - LeeAnn
2 Kids - 28 & 17
Seperated - 29-12-12 (great way to spend the new year)
NC with me but contacts son once in a blue moon

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Goole
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

I'm really sorry. That is cowardly, yes.

I never even heard the truth from STBXH, I had to learn it from OW herself.

And STBXH here snuck out of our house in the middle of the night, was allowed back and did it again. Then stomped out two more times.

I'm not trying to one- up or anything, just to say there's a coward here too.

There was one day before I knew of OW but he had gone where he drove straight by me without stopping, in the pouring rain, as if he didn't even know me.

They do such bizarre things to people they've known for so long, it's just not stuff I can relate to.

And I am finding texting gets out of hand and even email, where people are using it for things that are just too important and should be said face to face. Do you know what I mean?

STBXH here also has no real remorse and when questioned, plays the self-pity cards and yes, tries to make what he did valid. He wants a future with OW, who knew he was M and thinks this is a good kind of person.

I hope you will be ok.

I'm sorry for your hard time.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2202 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Good for you for not replying. The next reply he gets from you should be having D papers served to him. Please go find a lawyer early next week and get the process started.

What an absolute coward. A sickening, spineless excuse for a man.

I cease to be amazed at how these creatures from hell can pretend to be human for so long before their true nature shows. To be a husband for so many years before making it known that he has about as much maturity as a preteen boy? Amazing.


(((wastoosoft)) His actions made it clear that you're not losing anything worth having. OW "won" a brand new (to her) piece of trash.

DITTO

Why waste another second of your life with a low life like that. He is not even acting human.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1355 | Registered: Dec 2012
InRetrospect
Member
Member # 18641
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, May 4th (Saturday)

Word. He is a jackass.


"We two form a multitude!"
...so glad we ditched the skank!!

Posts: 196 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: California
wastoosoft
New Member
Member # 39176
Content  Posted: 4:29 AM, May 5th (Sunday)

Yes that is the way I am feeling about him at the moment, he is most definately not the man I thought he was and quite a few people around are amazed at how he is treating me.

I did during my lowest hours ask my family what was so wrong with me, what did I do so wrong to deserve this (because family is where you get the honesty) and they said that I was one of the easiest people they know to live with and they would never have a problem with me living with them (which is always nice to know, although I wouldnt take them up on it)


Me - BW (48)
Him - WH (51)
M - 16 yrs together 20 yrs
D Day - 27-12-12
OW - LeeAnn
2 Kids - 28 & 17
Seperated - 29-12-12 (great way to spend the new year)
NC with me but contacts son once in a blue moon

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Goole
wastoosoft
New Member
Member # 39176
Content  Posted: 4:29 AM, May 5th (Sunday)

Yes that is the way I am feeling about him at the moment, he is most definately not the man I thought he was and quite a few people around are amazed at how he is treating me.

I did during my lowest hours ask my family what was so wrong with me, what did I do so wrong to deserve this (because family is where you get the honesty) and they said that I was one of the easiest people they know to live with and they would never have a problem with me living with them (which is always nice to know, although I wouldnt take them up on it)


Me - BW (48)
Him - WH (51)
M - 16 yrs together 20 yrs
D Day - 27-12-12
OW - LeeAnn
2 Kids - 28 & 17
Seperated - 29-12-12 (great way to spend the new year)
NC with me but contacts son once in a blue moon

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Goole
Topic Posts: 12