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User Topic: Need some advice...
momofone79
New Member
Member # 39158
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, May 5th (Sunday)

I don't know if anyone is up & reading this morning, but if you are, I could use some advice.

I have a gut feeling my WH (who is currently staying with his parents) is planning to move in with the OW once she gets her own place. He's too ashamed/scared to actually tell me this (he couldn't even tell me they met for lunch a couple weeks ago). But for my own sanity, I need to know whether he's going to do this. If I don't ask, I'm afraid I won't find out until after the fact. I also need to confirm that he's going to keep monetarily supporting me and our child, or we will won't be able to pay for our house & other bills.

So, basically, I need to confront him. The question is when. I could do it today. We're meeting to go to a financial responsibility class this afternoon. Or, I could wait until we have a marriage counseling session on Wednesday. I'd hate waiting until then, but I think having the therapist refereeing the whole thing might help. When it's just me and him, I have to drag the information out of him, and even then he still doesn't tell me everything he should.

Advice?


Me: BW, 34
Him: WH, 38
M 9 years (T 16 years total)
1 toddler DD
Status: He's in the fog. I don't think he's leaving it anytime soon. I don't want to be second choice.

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013
suspicious247
Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, May 5th (Sunday)

Hi - I dont know your story but my initial instinct is why do you need to know why he's moving in with her? I get it from a curiosity standpoint but you will figure that out in time. It will be hard to hide something like that. But if you need to know about the money I think in front of an IC sounds like a great idea. Just my 2 cents without knowing your sitch....

hugs to you


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
suspicious247
Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, May 5th (Sunday)

Just reread your pst - you want to find out 'before' he does it....sorry.

You may not find out - you cant know everything. But have you installed a keylogger on your computer or installed a recorder in his car? (if you really need to know)


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
momofone79
New Member
Member # 39158
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, May 5th (Sunday)

Thank you, suspicious247. I just need to know if he's going to move in with her & when. I already know the why, unfortunately. I just want to be emotionally and financially prepared. I have a hard time believing he'd stop paying for the home his daughter lives in, but I feel like I don't really know him at all lately.

ETA: He's not really using his computer, since it's at the house & he's not living here. I think they do most of their communicating via text messages, or by the Facebook phone app. Isn't technology great?

[This message edited by momofone79 at 8:45 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]


Me: BW, 34
Him: WH, 38
M 9 years (T 16 years total)
1 toddler DD
Status: He's in the fog. I don't think he's leaving it anytime soon. I don't want to be second choice.

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

So he isn't living with you now? Is he paying support now?

why do you think he would stop paying if he moved in with her? Are you working towards R or towards D?

Definitely ask. And then get something legal on paper. Protect yourself. Immediately.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3582 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

Not so gently, do you have a lawyer representing your interests and your child? If not, why not?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10066 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, May 6th (Monday)

M.o.o...your going to have to discuss it with him. You have to protect yourself and your child and be prepared. Do u think he would skip out on his financial responsibility to his child? I know its hard to know what thru will do because we never thought they would cheat either.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5028 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 7