SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: Question on Apologies
Joanh
Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

I would like to send apology to a few friends that I have hurt. With my betrayal. One of them being the Ex wife of the Other Man. we had been friends till now. Its probably one of the harder things I have to also get pass that I have destroyed the friend ship of our two families. We live in a small town so it will be that we see each other. We have some mutual friends that talk to both of us. What is your thoughts, I want to let them know how sorry I am and how i only added more hurt and and abuse to these people. Or is better to let them deal with their own stuff.?


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 387 | Registered: Apr 2013
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

Have you discussed with your BH if he wants you to do this? His feelings about it should be known and top consideration before you think about doing this.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36626 | Registered: Sep 2007
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

Yes, check with your BH first to see if this something he thinks you should do, or that he wants you to do.

From what I've read here over the years, some BS's do want to know that the AP, you in this case, is sorry for what they've done. Most though seem to not want to hear anything from the AP at all. Be careful. Keeping NC is probably going to be the best thing.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
SurprisinglyOkay
Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

You may want to consider whether or not your apology would cause more harm. Some things are best left alone. Are you in IC? Could you mention it to them?


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1130 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Clarrissa
Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

Talk to your BH about this first as the others said. If he agrees you should do this, perhaps he could talk to the OMs BW to see if she'd at least be willing to listen. Her feelings in this matter should be considered as well IMO.


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5860 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

My H sent an apology email to the MOW BH. It was not received well at all. It was way too soon. His pain was way too raw.

I would caution not to rush into this. Let some time pass and some healing begin.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6005 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
AppleBlossom
Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

I waited fourteen years, but I finally sent an apology to my ex-husband's ex wife. i couldnt have done it any sooner, as she was devastated by his departure and our actions. I have not heard back from her. It was very brief, I apologised for my actions, stated I did not seek forgiveness and took full responsibility for my actions. I did this after a lot of soul searching and extensive reading here.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
losingmyground
Member
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 6th (Monday)

To be honest....I would LOVE to receive a letter like this. I know that my FWH cried and apologized to the BH, but I never got anything. I think it would put the MOW in a much better light from me.

That being said, talk it over with your BH. But your heart is in the right place. I bet it will make him feel a little better too.


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, May 6th (Monday)

Check with yr BH. If he is ok with it, I think you should send an apology -- a real apology, in which you take responsibility without making excuses. I'm not saying you're the sort of person who would do that, just that a BS is not going to be receptive to anything less. It may not be well accreted, but I still wish the OW would have apologized. I got a lot of excuses and "nothing happened" (the truth is plenty happened, just not sex). I would like an apology from her to this day.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 841 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 9