SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Time for change
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

I think it's finally time that I can make the leap. I've been holding out hope that my WH would change. He wants to stay together. I've been waiting for him to follow through with his promise to answer every question. I guess I've been testing to see if he would honor his promise. Trying to see if I might somehow trust him again. We've been talking less and less. I asked a question yesterday. His response was that he wouldn't answer. That I need to let irrelevant details go. Once again he wants control. He wants to decide what I get to know. I don't believe he will ever be totally truthful about the past or the future. If he thinks I don't need to know he wont tell me.


So that's just a long way of saying that it's time to file. It breaks my heart.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, May 5th (Sunday)

When it is time, it is time and you just know. The turning point for me was the Dooosh looking at me and saying "what I do is none of your fucking business!"

And we were supposed to be in R. Ha! That was it, I was D-O-N-E.

We are here for you. It broke my heart , again, when I finally realized it was over... WE were no more. I spent some time in disbelief, then the emotions hit hard. Be gentle with yourself.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 11:41 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3524 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, May 6th (Monday)

Thank you, PurpleRose. I've been crying tonight. Change is tough. I've been holding on to what I thought our marriage was. If I look at it objectively, which is extremely difficult, I know I can never trust him again. I would never have that closeness we used to have. I would always be mourning what was lost. That's no way for either of us to live. He really won't have any problem moving on. He's a big compartmentalizer. He will just file me away. I can't do that so will have a rougher time.

I really appreciate the support. This is such a hard night.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, May 6th (Monday)

((((((((falling quickly))))))

I completely understand how you feel.

Sending strength and love.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, May 6th (Monday)

Thank you, dindy.
I'm feeling stronger about it today. Sent an email to my attorney late today. I will likely hear from her tomorrow. There's a bunch of paperwork to do about assets. 33 years is a long time to be together. Our lives and assets are completely entwined. I told my son last night. When I first found out about WH my son asked me to try to keep the family together. Now, over two years later, I was worried to tell him I was ready to move forward. He told me I'm doing the right thing. It will be hard to tell my WH but I think he knows it's time as well. He will be much happier without me.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
oklahoma2012
New Member
Member # 36588
Question  Posted: 8:51 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

So.. i guess this is what you meant 24 hours ago by saying you wanted by a "break from talking"... So what has changed in the last 24 hours??? Or was it alway just a ruse??

But seriously, you don;t even have the common decency to tell me before you publish that you are filing to the world, -- oh and what about all those discussions -- if we ever got to this stage, we'd talk to the kids together?? Guess that went out the window too...

What friends have you told?? How about my family... since you seems to think it's your responsibility?? Just wondering.. If you need anything.. please have your lawyer call mine.


Posts: 1 | Registered: Aug 2012
JensSux
New Member
Member # 38525
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

((Fallingquickly))


Me (BW)-40, WH-40: M- 12 years
Kids- 15, 12, 5
DD1 - 9/8/11
DD2 - 6/1/12
DD3 - 2/7/13
DD4 - 4/1/13
DD5 - Called her New Years 2014
Separated 3/21/14
All the same OW; LTA- started summer 2010
In Limbo

Posts: 7 | Registered: Feb 2013
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Big hugs today falling..we're here for you. Stay strong and stay safe.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

oklahoma2012,

I guess this site isn't good enough for you to get support and try to learn how to change but it's good enough for you to watch me work out my pain. One more thing you're taking away from me.

I've seen people on here find out their spouse was following what they were writing. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. This was the most difficult decision of my life. I am devastated that you won't change. I've been fighting for us even after all you've done. I held out hope that you would come here for help. Instead you're using it against me.

I'm sorry that it has come to this. I wish it hadn't.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

And given your start date and lack of posts I guess you also lied about deleting your account and making one post which you were afraid that I might see.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry your heart is breaking. I am sorry that SI is not a safe place for you to share. That is a real shame. Take care of yourself. Big hugs and support, dmari


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Oct 2012
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Dmari,
Thank you.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

oh hell no.. falling - you have every right to post whatever and whenever you want on SI.

Your soon-to-be-exASS can suck eggs! Sending you strength to get through this difficult time!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3524 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
la433
Member
Member # 38835
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

fallingquickly,

Don't let him intimidate you. You should tell everyone you want to tell about the filing and the reason. He cannot dictate who you can tell what to, when you tell them or how you tell them.

It's funny that he is not wanting you to tell what you are going to do to everyone, but at the same time doesn't want to come clean with you. Hypocrisy much?

Geez, he should have thought about the consequences of his actions prior to rather than after. And then to criticize you for coming on this board to get support? Really?

I'm with you ((fallingquickly)).

Be strong.


"Arise and be all that you dreamed." ~Flyleaf

Posts: 136 | Registered: Mar 2013
disgust
Member
Member # 34200
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Common decency? Hah!

(((falling)))


Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2011
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Thank you.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 16