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User Topic: too whiny to be called a rant
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, May 6th (Monday)

I think I want to pout. Actually what I want to do is get all loud and snarky and put a couple of "fuck you" posts on facebook. I am really feeling like the high road is kinda like pretending to be invisible.

I KNOW this is mostly likely because it is my antiversary season. Screw Cinco de Mayo and Mother's Day and my birthday. I KNOW work stress with the ever lovin' standardized testing season is not helping. And damned if it isn't raining enough to call out the Ark builders.

I am cranky. Pure and simple. I disguised it (not very well obviously) with some obnoxious snark in a testing training meeting this afternoon. I say not well because the (good natured??) comments from my colleagues... after they were out the door... were Ms. CG is in a mood today. And "she must be PMSing." To which I loudly assured them I WAS NOT.

I am tired of seeing Super Coach at the field masquerading as a normal guy. I am tired of hearing his fakey fake stupid voice on the speaker phone telling stupid stupid versions of "my day was great!" I am tired of co-parenting with a fucking muppet.

I don't REALLY have anything to complain about and that makes me feel guilty for whining. I HAD a much harder time before things settled out, before I got mostly indifferent, before the court battles ended and the financial woes and the moving and the finding a job... BUT I REMEMBER those worse times and they WERE HIS FAULT and they never fucking should have happened so I would have them to remember.......

Yeah, whimpering whiny pout. I think maybe someone here will get it and pat me on my pointed head.

AND because I am SURE a wonderful NB guy and lots of off the bus ... "exercise" would improve my spirits, let me whine about that too. NB guy just does not communicate. My friend says he is just too introverted for me. Because ..... um ..... I like to TALK. More than once a week. And having texts IGNORED is so not helping my mood.

DEEP sighs.

I want my optimism back. I want to put my focus back on the positives and not feel every ache and hurt and panic. I want the seconds on the clock not to feel like they tick by in slow motion to the sound of nails on chalkboard.

[This message edited by caregiver9000 at 6:50 PM, May 6th (Monday)]


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5615 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Confused1829
Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, May 6th (Monday)

((caregiver)

Hang in there. We all have days like that. Sometimes you just need to let it out. Let yourself feel bad, get angry and feel all the emotion you're entitled to. And then release it :) Go for a run, or make some plans this weekend to give you something to look forward to. Tomorrow is another day! But don't feel guilty for feeling and acknowledging these emotions - it's normal. And this too, shall pass.


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, May 6th (Monday)

((((cg)))) Better days ahead, honey.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24440 | Registered: Aug 2011
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 6th (Monday)

(((cg)))

antiversary seasons suck.

taking the high road sucks, sometimes.

having a place you can come to vent, whine, rant, and post all your "FTG" thoughts so they're not on facebook - not so sucky.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, May 6th (Monday)

Yeah...totally get where you are.

I think today that I recognize I'm triggering over Mother's Day.

Then I feel guilty. I have great kids. My Mom is still alive and I have plans for the day.

But, dammit...I *miss* being spoiled on that day. I miss the years of huge deals being made on Mother's Day, fancy brunch somewhere, my kids all dressed up, gifts, a day just to me.

I have so much to be thankful for, I feel guilty for missing those days. THEN I think about Father's Day being right around the corner. Last year, STBX couldn't be bothered to show for Father's Day...so it wasn't so bad. This year he says he wants them, and my Dad has passed...so I will probably be alone on Father's Day.

It's my D-day season too. OH, and STBX is getting to celebrate graduating with his PhD this weekend. I supported him through college, his Masters, all the sacrificing and moving and starting his doctorate....blah, blah, blah...

I'm feeling whiny too.

I KNOW I'm triggering and just trying to keep focusing on what I have that is so good in my life.

I've been "weaning off" my IC and haven't gone in 6 weeks, I called and made an appointment for later this week to check in.

((care)))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4040 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 5