New Beginnings
User Topic: What makes you trigger?
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 6th (Monday)

I was watching an episode of Seinfeld and it was one where George was seeing a woman for a month or so and wanted to break up and didn't know how to tell her. I believe it was Jerry that said "Rip it off like a band aid"

Well when my XWH was living with me while preparing to move out with OW she told him to just "rip it off like a band aid". Cold Beotch! My XWH told OW he knew me best and that is not how to handle it with me. (should I feel honored?) Argh! That line sent me over the edge.

Anyone else have any weird triggers?

Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 6th (Monday)

yes.. weird things
Ex was manipulatively abusive (NPD) so tiny little things that I had done wrong and was punished for will now make me sad if I see them.

like apples.

I once bought the wrong type of apples.

Something you shouldn't do if you have an NPD spouse.

I'm safe now... but shopping triggers... almost paralyzes me.
I'm working through it!

Posts: 501 | Registered: Jun 2012
little turtle
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, May 6th (Monday)

There is a scent that reminds me of OW every time I smell it. When XH came home from with her, he smelled like it. That was how I always knew he was there. I tried to use it myself (got hand sanitizer and shower gel of it from bath & body), but it didn't work. I still think of her. It's annoying, but whatever.

There are a few songs that take me back to the past as well. Nothing that ruins my day or anything though. It gets better with time.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4212 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, May 6th (Monday)

I'm a year out and there are some things that still really trigger me:

The phrase "baawwwaaaahhhhhh". It was something mow wrote to exwh during the A.

The city she lives in upset me. I have driven around it numerous times instead of going thru it.

I'm super sensitive in my NB. If I feel like the exw was/is being defended over me I think the relationship might suffer enough to be over. Exwh protected and defended the mow over me the entire A and false R.

I trigger when I see bath and body works in the shower. The strange thing is my bath and body works doesn't effect me.,.its when I see it where I'm not expecting it. The mistress has been keeping her's in what use to be my martial home.

Eta to correct spelling.. I think my brain has stopped working.

[This message edited by courageous at 8:38 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 652 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, May 6th (Monday)

I'm still close to my stepdaughter-age 20 (XWH's daughter).

My dear SD keeps in touch, which I'm so blessed for, but I trigger when she talks about him. It's typically not flattering, because she doesn't think much of him or his "new life", but even hearing any details triggers me, which I try very hard to hide from her. She told me this week that he bought a house in Cabo - buying a house in Mexico was our AYFKM???

After those occasional calls it's hard....though I would never sacrifice that relationship. She's just too special.

[This message edited by persevere at 10:50 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4621 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, May 6th (Monday)


He was the NPD type that loved disarray, loved being unorganized, and thrived on messing everything up (for instance, several hard drives with one or two things on them, constant drama, and trails of his clutter through the entire house). I have become quite OCD about my home and my *stuff* in my NB. It gives me peace to have order! Kind of the opposite of Julia Roberts in "Sleeping With the Enemy."

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 29728
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, May 6th (Monday)

I trigger when I hear certain songs or if I hear one of the groups he loved.

So now I listen to country music since he would never listen to it and I actually have grown to really love it and have gone to a few concerts. We only would go to the groups that he liked! So now I am going and enjoying myself!

I will come out stronger!

Posts: 254 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: iowa
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, May 6th (Monday)

I had my first trigger a few weeks ago when I was in Bed,Bath an Beyond. I saw the two paintings I got him our last Christmas together and suddenly had tears rolling down my eyes. I had read about triggers but had never had one so I was shocked to find tears rolling down my face. I had to leave but I will go back and reclaim that store fore myself. So far that has been my only trigger.

DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1213 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 33738
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Shakira. OW loved her some Shakira. Now I think "Screw you, Shakira. You know who listens to your music? Whores."

On a deeper level, being around belligerently drunk people sets me off. I just completely shut down, and want to put my fist through a wall.

Surviving is important, thriving is elegant- Maya Angelou

you is kind, you is smart, you is important

Posts: 297 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

I am just 3.5 months out since DD. songs that he shared with her make me trigger so I do not listen to any of them now. I'm sure they had a special song by Nina Simone that was theirs, I listened to it the other day and it was about how he loved her more than anyone else and one day they would be together. Of course it sent me over the edge, even though he denies it was their song.
Before I found out about the affair we used to take our small children to a children's science museum. One time we were there I caught him texting someone who he claims was just a work thing. I now know he was texting her and I can never go back to that place again, it's too painful. He still takes our children there, pos!
I know my birthday this year is going to trigger me as last year he sent a picture of himself to her and to top it off didn't even buy me a present.
I know it's still early days and I'm looking forward to a time that I can feel more at peace and not trigger so much.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Ex was manipulatively abusive (NPD) so tiny little things that I had done wrong and was punished for will now make me sad if I see them.


There is a grocery store that I can't go to (even though it is the closest to my house) because he threatened me in the produce section.

I can't go to Dillards because we had a big fight in one. And by big fight I mean, he called me names and put me down while I stood quietly taking it, all because I couldn't find anything I wanted to buy.

There is a song I can't listen to because it takes me back to our first date. I also hate all things Metallica because it was his favorite band.

I don't think I have as many triggers as I would if I didn't have PTSD, my mind has blocked a lot of memories from when I was married.

Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Any time my SO tidies up or moves my stuff...

I used to travel a lot and my husband would have prostitutes over to our house when I was gone. He would remove all the evidence of "me" from our bedroom and put it in my closet and close the door. My clothes basket, my books, glasses etc. He would of course leave all his shit out. Then when I would get home he would be all "Look Honey - I straightened up! Why aren't you thanking me?"

Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
Member # 33738
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

I don't think I have as many triggers as I would if I didn't have PTSD, my mind has blocked a lot of memories from when I was married. 

I feel the same way. I don't recognize as many triggers as I did immediately post DDay. I feel numb to a lot of it.

Surviving is important, thriving is elegant- Maya Angelou

you is kind, you is smart, you is important

Posts: 297 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

I only trigger when I detect somebody is lying to me.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 5372
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Lying. If I know someone is lying, I don't just walk away. I will call them a liar to their face. i don't want them in my life anymore anyway, if they lie. I'm saying something. I will further list the proof I have that they are lying.

Also, feeling alone/abandoned, with no one to call and share stuff with.

D-day 09/2004
Filed for divorce 9/2006

We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."

Posts: 12326 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Margaritaville
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

Coming home to an empty house after dark still gets me now and then. I cannot watch shows or movies when cheating is involved, even in books it bugs me. This is getting a little better, but it's still there. The word "epiphany" is one - makes me mad even typing it. Not a whole lot, really, but it's been 3+ years since D-day.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5298 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 36258
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

I am great until I see my kids lust after someone who stabbed me. They cry out for their mother and it hurts me to some degree that they still love someone so conniving. It is getting better for me because they love spending time with me a lot more now.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: St.Paul Minnesota
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)

I thought about this thread at the grocery store today. There are still certain things I won't buy because it reminds me of him. It's kind of odd really, and certain TV shows still do it too....

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4621 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

The triggers are slowly fading. It's been 8 years and a couple of months since I first found ow3's e-mails with him, and up until recently, driving past ambulances would make me cringe. They work at a hospital and she had a terrible reputation for sleeping with married men, and somewhere along the line, one of the stories must have involved a couple of ambulance drivers or EMTs, so that for years when I passed an ambulance from that hospital, I'd glance at the driver and wonder if he was one of them man-sluts that slept with her/ that she slept with.

Come to think of it, I haven't even registered ambulances in a month or two! This is good news.

Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Being divorced, I have no more triggers. To me the only way to truly get rid of triggers or pain was to get rid of the source...the now xWW

Now that isn't to be confused with things popping in my head, or my dislike of cheaters. Difference is the thoughts, if they just pop in there, no longer hurt because she is no longer significant.

Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 39074
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Almost everything in the garage is a trigger. When he left, he not only left me, but most of his stuff in the garage. He left me with everything because he moved in immediately with OW. She had a furnished home since she divorced her ex-husband while she was seeing my husband, so he didn't need anything. How nice of him! So, I guess in a sense, my whole house and everything in it is a trigger for me.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Kentucky
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Photography I spent a huge portion of my adolescense/young adult life taking pictures of the XH so I haven't quite gotten over it yet I take pictures here and there and people go wow! you got talent and just like that the idea of some many wasted years makes me cringe my teeth

Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3344 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Anytime I'm talking to someone and they look down at their phone at a text they received while I'm still talking.

Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe

Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Topic Posts: 23