SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: sort of accidental 180 and wow!
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

this is sort of a follow up to my previous post 2 days ago about what does real remorse look like

Well thanks to his constant excuses for not wanting to talk, and your encouragement, i woke up yesterday morning and asked myself if he was worth it? Worth my asking, pleading? Just worth it. And i'm really wasn't sure. I could leave. I could be free! So for a day i detached.

I was civil and plesant to him in evening but was so busy doing my stuff that i barely paid him any attention and certainly did not pleadingly lead him to the couch for a "conversation".

So what happened? Today, all attentive he was. and later on, he even talked and shared without my having to badger him! I did ask and repeat questions but he did talk.

And I'm still *sort of detaching*. i'm not sure he and our relationship is worth all the work it will take to "fix" it. There are other problems as well unrelated to infidelity although they all might be part of a 'character defect' which i cannot in good self care conscience accept.

Anyway, for those considering a 180, it certainly was an amazing little miracle that got his attention, and FAST too!

[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 3:39 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 552 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
haleyscomet
Member
Member # 38250
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

i can relate to that feeling of relief you seem to have experienced to a small extent this day

feels good not to be begging / pleading, eh?

consider it a preview --
you can leave
you can be free...

how you feel doesn't have to hinge on how he makes you feel

good for u :)


me: bgf - 46
him: wwbf - 40
lived together 2-1/2 years
dday1 dec 16 2012 found texts
dday2 dec 29 2012 intercepted texts
dday3 feb 20 2013 found texts during false R
status: its over


Posts: 68 | Registered: Jan 2013
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

The 180 is not meant to get a reaction (although it can be a side effect). It's for you to help you put the focus on you.

It feels good, doesn't it.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4505 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Topic Posts: 3