SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Ready for Separation
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)

My husband's EA turned into a PA. I wanted him to move out and wanted a separation 7 months after I found out about the EA. He wouldn't.

Fast forward one year, and now my husband has prepared a separation agreement from a template he found online. He wants to discuss this but I get this lump in the middle of my chest, now that it is in front of me. He wants to finalize before he moves out.

He told the OW that he loves her and that nothing between he and I were ever good. I put this separation on the table and he wants to move forward with it. Before I wanted the separation and now I'm reluctant. He's not interested in reconciling. He says we are not compatible.

We have a 7 yo child and it will be very difficult for her. She is daddy's girl and buddy.

On some days, I feel fine but whenever he brings up the separation agreement, I start to feel something heavy on my chest. How am I supposed to feel? I have been through sadness, anger, denial, semi-acceptance.

I would appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experience, and how you got through it. I never ever saw myself getting a separation/divorce. At this point, I think we will end up divorced since he is pushing for the separation agreement so that he can move out.

[This message edited by FieldsOfLavender at 12:55 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

My XWH filed for a D. He had convinced himself that he was "in love" with OW. I was gutted.

A simple phrase helped me through it. "Let go or get dragged." I didn't want a D, but I knew I couldn't hold on to him if he was determined to leave.

I suggest you consult with an attorney. Most will give a free consultation. You need to protect yourself, and more importantly, your DD. You have to separate out your feelings and start dealing with this like a business transaction.

I was so emotional that I took a trusted friend with me to my consultation. I didn't trust myself to make wise decisions.

The decisions you make at this time will follow you for a long time.

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7700 | Registered: Aug 2005
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

I don't feel very good now. Anxious. Something in the pit of my stomach. It doesn't help that it has been cloudy and raining the past couple days. Husband is going out to dinner with his "friend".

I realized when he started traveling that I drink more when he is here. But knowing that he is going out with his whore makes me feel worse. I feel very uneasy. I feel this way whenever he goes out with his whore. Recently, he said, you have to pay for a whore. I should have followed up with, "She gives it all up for free?"

At the beginning, he said he needed a friend. Now, he's saying, "I wouldn't have gone looking if things were better at home." He told her at the beginning that there was all this tension in the house. I don't know what he's talking about. The tension didn't start until I found out about his whore.

[This message edited by FieldsOfLavender at 3:59 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Go to a lawyer. Do not sign anything until you have discussed your situation with a lawyer.

If he wants this, there is little you can do about it except protect yourself and your child. Find the anger and use it to your advantage.

My guess is that he wants you to sign the Separation Agreement so you cannot claim he abandoned you and your child.

Like yesterday. Go to a lawyer. Ask friends who have divorced who they used, or just Google some in your area.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Topic Posts: 4