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User Topic: BS doesn't want to know any more details
WWMEH13
Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

I TT'd for about 3 weeks, mostly because the other BS and my H were in contact with each other and our stories were not adding up. He finally asked me when the lies would end. I just said at what point do details matter now that you know the full extent of the relationship and how deplorably I behaved.

Our MC asked if he wanted a 1 time sit down brutally honest question and answer session, and he said no, that he doesn't really want or need to know anymore.

We (I) still haven't decided fully on R, but if we do, should I volunteer the last unknown tawdry and painful details, or honor his request not to know anymore, unless he asks?

Is full disclosure necessary?


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
floridaredman
Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

honor his request not to know anymore, unless he asks

^^^^this^^^^

You can write out a detailed timeline if you wish and have it ready. If he doesn't want the timeline, at least you will have an outline of the affair with details.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
WWMEH13
Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

I just want to make sure that it doesn't become rug sweeping, by not telling him, or talking about the A anymore.

I see sometimes when we hang out that something I say triggers him, but he won't talk about it. Should I ask, or should he bring it up?


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
floridaredman
Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

You can always ask. You will be proactive if you do. Most BS like the idea that you are being proactive and focusing on them as well as yourself.
If he doesn't prefer to talk about it then let it go.

If something triggers him and you notice..there is nothing wrong with asking if he has triggered. It also gives room to apologize to him by just taking his hand and saying "I'm sorry that we are going through this"

[This message edited by floridaredman at 2:22 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Funny I was just talking to one of my friends here about this. The details are eating me alive this week because I keep reliving them but my SO has told me he doesn't want to know anymore. If I remember anything else if there is anything else unless its another A he doesn't care to know. It can be hell but I respect his wishes. I do have them if he ever wants them.

Writing them down and keeping a timeline for him just in case he changes his mind is a good idea.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2639 | Registered: Oct 2012
WWMEH13
Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)

Thanks Florida and Unagie. I do relive the details, and I feel dirty about what he doesn't know, and because he has indicated in the past that he didn't want to know more, I haven't brought the A up. Plus, since I don't know what the hell I am doing in regards to staying in the marriage, I have sort of left the topic alone. We try to keep our dates 'light'.


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6