My Liberty! :O)
It is great to hear from you. It's been awhile.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words.
I am glad that things are so much better with you and your H.
It's a weird thing, isn't it?
For the last two weeks, I have been in a very strange place and have even thought about going back to IC because of it. I have been partially elated that I am ready to let go of yesterday and embrace today but then I also felt kind of lost because of dealing with the pain so long and now not like before, it just felt weird...
I couldn't believe how lost I was to be at this new place but am thankful to get to this place.
It's been nine long years to get to this place after the first A occurred and all the others in between but for the most part, I am ready to move forward and honestly don't have any ill feelings towards the OW like I used to have.
I hold my H responsible for the things done bc at the end of the day, he was the one who vowed to do right by me till death do us part and he was the one who allowed anything to take place that did take place.
Yet, I am ready to make it official and let him know that I forgive him for the things done in the past. I've never really told him I accepted his apologies because I didn't before.
I have acknowledged what I've seen him do to make things right but never said I accepted his apologies when he would tell me he's sorry for hurting me. I realize I didn't accept it before partly because I didn't think he was truly sorry and partly because I wanted him to suffer...not giving him the forgiveness needed was a way for me to punish him or so I thought but at the end of the day, I suffered more inside than he did...He was tortured, YES, but not more than me because the more I held the past over his head, the more tormented I actually felt inside. I had some relief temporarily but the bitterness only grew the more and more I tortured him.
Everyone arrives at this place on their own and in their own way, so in no way am I saying that everyone should be where I am today or should get there how I did....this is just a place I am arriving at and am thankful for.
I am looking to tell him when we have some alone time this weekend but we will see how things go. The apologies being accepted are for the things done in the past but that doesn't mean he still won't be checked up on in the present if need be or won't have to be accountable regarding the FF and anything else we are doing now...those things still stand bc trust is still being established but for the most part, I am ready to let go of the digging of the past and making sense out of it all....I'm OK and ready to move on and now work on where we are today.
I wish you and your family all the best, liberty! Thank you for writing. :)