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Wayward Side
User Topic: yesterday sucked
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Frustrated  Posted: 8:27 AM, May 9th (Thursday)

I put my foot in my mouth on here which was disappointing to me but still ok because the point is to improve ourselves right? I was a little discouraged but determined to continue working.

Then it got worse and I don't even know what to think about all that followed.

A lady from church, I would say a friend but we don't really hang out or anything, called me in tears needing a place to stay for her and her kids. I said, "of course" without asking any questions.

Then I panicked because I felt/feel I should have told her let me call you back and asked knight first.

I called him and he said ďof course,Ē and that in some situations he expects me to make a command decision knowing that he will agree (I knew he would).

It is a mess.

Her husband and her FIL kicked her out of the house because her husband is accusing her of infidelity. She and her 2 DDs (9 and 3) came to my house her DS 8 stayed with his dad by his choice. There was an ugly scene in front of the kids where she was asked to pack her bags and leave without a vehicle or the kids. Of course she wanted to take her kids. The kids were torn, DD 9 decided at the last minute to go with her mom. This could have been taken directly from my own childhood.

I was worried that knight would be horribly triggered by it all but strangely he was fine. Iím horribly triggered in so many ways I canít even begin sort it out.
From what she told me I donít know if there was infidelity or not. She denies it and from what she says there isnít any proof.
Thing is knight and I agree that even if she cheated we wouldnít leave her and her kids out on the street.
Either way it feels like d-day to me, only if she is wayward sheís doing all the wrong things.

A hard boundary for knight is I tell no one about our private business. I wonít.

It is a mess.

No idea what her plans for today are...she's welcome as long as she needs to stay.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 9th (Thursday)

You can't tell her your background, which is totally fine, and I would keep with knight's request on that, but you do know what to look for don't you? Can you talk to her without bring up your own infidelity?

I would have to say that I agree with your decision to take her in. You and knight can keep boundaries with her if she is a WW, but the kids shouldn't have to pay a price anymore than they already have.

Good luck with this.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

You and knight can keep boundaries with her if she is a WW
This is huge! I have a major issue here.

I don't know if she is a WW or not so I have a hard time offering help re: infidelity.

She had another lady from church pick her up when she was kicked out of the house and the first thing she did was go get a prepay phone. Last night I asked her why? She said because her husband was tracking her phone. I stopped talking, but what I wanted to ask and probably should have was, "why do you care if he's tracking your phone? He knows where you are."

I think she will be with us for at least two weeks because her MIL called me today and asked if she could stay until the kids are out of school. BH says yes, we should, the kids need to finish the year.

Today she texted asking for our address. I started worrying about an AP (if there is one) showing up at my house. I texted, "Why do you need it?" She needed it so she could tell the school which bus to put her DD on.

But I felt the need to ask. Was that rude?

This might be a learning experience for me.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Not rude at all. And I can understand your thinking 'why'

How well do you know her? I agree that the track phone is a bit off. Does she have any desire to work things out with her husband? Does she talk about the situation at all?

All sounds a bit odd to be honest. I would think if she is innocent, it would be all she could talk about...


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2012
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

She says she is sure she wants D. She asked him for D 2 months ago actually. She talks about it a little but she seemed kind of shocky and out of it yesterday.

It's like watching a bad car wreck...

I did tell her that no matter what is going on if she lets go of the outcome and makes right choices both her and her kids will be ok.

That sounds like such rubbish to me now.

She asked me why I sounded like I believed him. I told her I'm not judging between her and her husband, I'm giving her a place to stay. I can't decide if that was a horrible thing to say or not.

This stuff is soooo not in my skill set.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Yeah...I hate to say it, and this is based on heresay, but it sounds like she is a WS.

Can you ask her why she asked for a D a couple months ago?


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

She says it is because they can't get along. He begged her to work things out so she gave him a list of things he needed to work on.

TBH she has been pretty emotionally labile for several months. Bursting into tears and panic attacks at church, feeling like everyone is judging her.... That's how I felt when I was in the A....


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Don't question yourself so much on what you say to her. Nothing seems off base to me. Sounds like your pretty neutral and not judgemental.

Hopefully these 2 weeks will go by quickly!


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2012
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Hopefully these 2 weeks will go by quickly!
Yes!


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
floridaredman
Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

knightsbff,

I am going out on a limb here. Her actions scream wayward..

asking for a divorce..not always meaning wayward but it could be in the checklist if he begged her to stay

Buying a prepaid phone RED FLAG

Panic attacks and very emotional (mostly because of guilt) RED FLAG

I commend you for helping her and her kids..
Even if there is infidelity..the kids need a safe place.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

yeah, I too have to agree that she's a wayward. I know this is tough - just keep it about the kids. They deserve to be safe.


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5833 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

- just keep it about the kids.
This sounds like a good plan. Her FIL (who kicked her out) is also our pastor. I''m truly not asking for the nitty gritty here but when her MIL called me today she said that her son had confessed something he had done to his father and she had done some seriously wrong things too.

I wanted to put my fingers in my ears and start saying lalalalalalalala....

I don''t need or want to know. Just please don''t bring drama into my home with my kiddos.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
cinnamongurl
Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

(((KBFF)))


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
Kurt Vonnegut



Posts: 506 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
grapefruit
Member
Member # 27090
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, May 10th (Friday)

Sorry to hear about this - that's a tough situation. I agree with the others - the pre-paid phone in particular is a huge red flag. Also:

from what she says there isnít any proof

is definitely a red flag, too. It doesn't sound like something you'd say if you were innocent.

(((KBFF)))


FWW / BS (me)
FWH / BS (him)
In R ...

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jan 2010
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, May 10th (Friday)

She moved back home this morning. Her and her husband agree that it's best for the kids right now if she stay in the apartment and he stay in his parents' house so the kids can be near both parents. So I'm off the hook.
ETA: they may not be in my house but they are still in my prayers.

[This message edited by knightsbff at 1:35 PM, May 10th (Friday)]


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, May 10th (Friday)

Yeah!!


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2012
hatefulnow
Member
Member # 35603
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Stay out of it and refer her here.

Posts: 121 | Registered: May 2012
Topic Posts: 17