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Reconciliation
User Topic: God I hate being jaded
PhoenixRising88
Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Two times in the past three weeks I have received flowers at work from hubby. No reason, just because. I should be happy right?

But it kills my already wounded heart to have my very first reaction be "What does he want?" followed immediately by "What has he done now that he feels guilty about to send me flowers?"

I hate hate HATE being jaded like this. Nothing taken at face value, every little thing he does and says the little voice in my head says "yeah, right, what's this really about".... I miss being able to trust.


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 428 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

((Wannaworkthuit))

I, too, wrestle with a similar feeling...not taking things at face value.

Part of the process, I guess. It is exhausting. Counselor says its normal and will lessen over time.

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
cheerless
Member
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Oh, I hear ya girl. I question everything now.

Enjoy your flowers, regardless of the reason. They are definitely real!


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
Uneek
Member
Member # 38416
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

yup. I've posted about this a lot, but H told me that he wasn't attracted to me because of my weight and was going to leave if I didn't lose weight, so now I'm stuck with that. Even though he has since said that was a part of his justification during the fog, I question his attraction to me every day.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Feb 2013
Its Better Now?
Member
Member # 34802
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

I hear you all! I believe nothing is what is appears to be anymore. I question the motive behind "Good Morning".


OK; It's Brass Tacks Time

Posts: 124 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Lost and Wondering
mountainmomma
Member
Member # 34388
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

I can relate

its horrible to have to question everything from a million dofferent angles. Hopefully they will lessen in time (I hope), but for me i think there will always be an element of it, stronger that i would like, and that i did'nt believe even existed from my spouse prior to dday.

hear you all! I believe nothing is what is appears to be anymore. I question the motive behind "Good Morning".

this!. This did tickle me for some reason!
xx
in light
MM


Me 37
WS 42 (Mitty)
4 kiddys 9,7,4 &20 mths no5 due August 14
seeing hookers, NSA sites, escorts, anyone willing from 07/08 (i didn't know)left to do full time with no restraints 2010 Returned home march 2011 in R DDay 2.4.2010 OW 30+ age 18-60

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: U.K
Neithan
Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

I used to unconditionally trust my wife.

Now, I strive to be a skeptic instead of a cynic.

If something which seems nice happens, a skeptic will ask "Is that true? How can I find out?" While a cynic automatically decides that "It's not true, I'm being deceived or played."

I am becoming more skeptical and less cynical as more time goes by without further betrayals. I'm happy about that.

But I doubt I'll ever unconditionally trust her again. Not for things close to my heart, anyway.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Theradin
Member
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

I can relate. Though, the vast majority of my jaded feelings/thoughts have subsided over time.

In fact, one time, my WW was doing something very nice for me. She was complimenting me and telling me how much she loves and needs me, and just being very sweet to me in emails, verbally, etc. And I couldn't help but seriously ask her, "Why are you being so nice to me?". She was confused by the question. But it was pretty simple in my mind. In fact, I really didn't have to think about it much. I just couldn't comprehend how someone who does such harmful, abusive things to you can then show you kindness? So I was a bit skeptical and really wanted to know why she was being so nice to me.

Where I am now in the R process, I hardly ever think about that. Sometimes, though, I may wonder if what she's doing is to repay a debt she got herself into with her AP. For instance, if she surprises me with a gift or something, I may wonder if it is so she can rid herself, her mind, of a 'gift' she got him? Like, it cancels out what she did for him if she does the equivalent or greater with me. I don't think that is her intention whatsoever, but on rare occasions, my mind will wander there. Perfectly normal in R, I believe.


ME: 33 BH
HER: 32 WW
Married: 8 years
Children: Yes
DDay #1: 02/22/2006 (ONS)
DDay #2: 09/23/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #3: 12/07/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #4: 01/03/2013 (EA/PA)
DDay #5: 01/24/2013 (EA/PA)
TT until 04/07/2013
100% NC: 04/18/2013

Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2013
cosmicjoke
Member
Member # 39159
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Yes and this is what manipulative, insincere individuals to do other people's minds and hearts. We question everything and we don't even trust our own perception of reality anymore.

Hopefully though, in this case your hubby is just trying to be thoughtful & make you happy. You could always ask him, what his motives are.. see how he reacts.


Posts: 207 | Registered: May 2013
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

itsbetternow? Your post literally made me laugh out loud!!!! Thank you so much!

This is not to say that anything about this is funny...certainly it is not...but your post still triggered an audible laugh out of me!

Unsure why...but it was real and it felt GOOD!

God be with you.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
PhoenixRising88
Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

Update.... we had a long talk this past weekend, and H said he could tell what was going through my mind re: my reaction to the flowers. He said I had a 'yeah right' tone in my voice. And he said that devastated him, to realize that he's the one who put that cynicism there, due to his actions. He held me and apologized yet again for 'having my head up my ass and almost losing us'...

So then today he texts me & says he's taking a 1/2 day off tomorrow so he can come have lunch with me! This from a man who NEVER stops working... I cannot remember the last time he took a day off. So I answerered back with 'did something happen?' and I got back this:

"Yes, something happened. I realized that you don't think you're the most important thing in my life. You're wrong about that, and I will make a point to show you that you're the center of my world.'

AWWWWWWWW......


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 428 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
FeelingSoMuch
Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

That gives me hope! Thanks for the post, wannaworkthruit.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 12