SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: Anger Phase?
KBeguile
Member
Member # 38348
Stop  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

I think that Heart has reached the Anger phase of the roller coaster, and I want to help her get through this. I presume that the approach should be modified in some way, but I lack the sense and direction to know how to do so. Could anyone please help me?


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 754 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Follow her requests. Don't run. Face it, accept it directly. Not sure about validating...sometimes people don't want that.

Sometimes just saying "I'm sorry" is all that is wanted.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

You just have to let her get through it. Be there for her, let her vent. I don't think there is anything you can do to modify it - anger will come and go for quite a while. Just be there for her, and as Baxters said, follow her requests.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 431 | Registered: Dec 2012
KBeguile
Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Okay. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything seemingly non-sensical that we needed to do ("Going out in the yard with a rubber chicken in a paper bag, then waving around the bag while I hopped on one foot helped...")


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 754 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

When knight was very angry my IC helped me to look at it with more accuracy than just listening to the words.

I listened to the words of course, but I would also hear, "I'm very angry with you right now for hurting me." It helped me deal with the cursing and name calling (there wasn't much of this). I had NEVER heard my husband curse in 15 years of marriage, I had no idea he could do it so well....


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Sue1964
Member
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, May 10th (Friday)

WS replies only.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 6:40 PM, May 10th (Friday)]


Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
longroadhome
Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

non-sensical

and

Going out in the yard with a rubber chicken in a paper bag, then waving around the bag while I hopped on one foot

...are you trying to be humorous about this? These are the kinds of statements that make BSs think that we don't get it. Is she going to read this post?

I feel like you're saying that you're doing everything you can do and that there must be some secret rite to perform that the rest of us know about. That's just not the case. If it was, I'd be out back with two real chickens right now and wouldn't have time to respond to you.

Maybe this will help - try not to think of it as an "anger phase" and consider that it's a state of mind that you've put her in. Accept that it's more than just something she's going through and recognize that you brought it into her life.


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 545 | Registered: Jun 2011
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

^^^^^ X2


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6041 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Topic Posts: 8