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Just Found Out
User Topic: Not sure how to feel?
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

My Wh called me today and asked to get together to talk. Not a huge deal he said. So we met and he completely broke down , crying and apologizing. ( he has already said he was sorry but this was different). He said his head is still messed up ,he isn't contacting Ow but he needs time to get his thoughts straight. He doesn't want to ask to come back for the wrong reasons. Meaning he wants to come back because he wants to try and not because he feels badly. I don't really know how to feel about this. I want to get hopeful but I don't want to be crushed again
I told him todo his thinking but I'm going to keep moving forward with my life


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
LearningToFly
Member
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

I think its good that he is at least reaching out to you and not contacting OW. He sounds like he is heading in the right direction. It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself too by moving forward with your own life. (I wish I could be better at doing that).


Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Sounds to me like you gave the perfect response!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, May 10th (Friday)

I told him todo his thinking but I'm going to keep moving forward with my life

I sincerely hope you mean that and DO that. Don't stop your momentum as he's clearly proven what he's capable of.

I wish you much luck.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, May 10th (Friday)

(((Savvy))))
I think that was a brilliant response. Now do that.

You have a weekend ahead of you, plan out some fun things to do for yourself. Get a pedi, go to a zoo, a museum, or park. Get together with some girlfriends. Keep busy, and feel how good it is to be independent.

I say this not to say move forward w/ D or R but so you know you can be happy with a decision that frightens you.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7803 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cheerless
Member
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, May 10th (Friday)

You should feel proud that you gave such a perfect response!

I usually don't think of the really good ones til way later.

I hope you take tushnurse's advice and treat yourself to a fab weekend.


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 10th (Friday)

I actually am going for a pedicure with newly found friend. And out tonight to meet another friend for frozen yogurt and some summer get away plans. Its just that I got my hopes up too much after he came to me yesterday. I'm not saying that I am waiting for his decision on a R but I do need his decision before I can make mine as to if I want to grant him that. And as of right now that's all I want, I am just waiting for a bomb to drop when he comes to me and says He wants a Divorce. It is going to crush me all over again. He isn't seeing or contacting the Ow right now but I know he still thinks about her and that kills me, I know he says he is trying to work out things in his head I just wish she wasn't there. I made the stupid mistake of asking him if he loved her and he said I can't say yes or no I don't know and that's why he is staying away to try to figure his head out. How can he love someone who he had limited life with? He can't know if he hasn't lived a real life with her. I am killing myself thinking about this crap. This is the most painful time I just want it over. I feel like yes I am doing things for myself to fill up time but I never feel happy doing them its always in my head, I wish I could shut off my brain.

[This message edited by savvy at 9:53 AM, May 10th (Friday)]


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
OneFootForward
Member
Member # 39136
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 10th (Friday)

It sounds to me like he is weighing his options for the safest place to fall. Let me tell you something from really recent experience, seeing an Attorney is empowering.

Go see the lawyer, lay out what happened, give them all the evidence and get your options (contested vs uncontested D). If you have little ones and you know each others pay, the attorney can figure out the child support (which is the childs right, not the parents) and insurance. You could go ahead and start the contested divorce to get the wheels rollings. Just because you start the paperwork does not mean they have to go through with it. It takes 6 months to get a contested divorce through the system where I am. My attorney wanted thumbs or thumbs down in 60 days.

The next time you see the WH, drop him the attorney business card. Talk from a point of strength. Let him know the clock is ticking.

I think letting my WW know I was either all in for R or all in for D helped.

All that said, it sucks. Going to see the attorney felt like I was stalking around in the dark, plotting. However, your partner was the one who threw you out to begin with. No?


Me: 42 BS
Her: 41 EMA
Married: 16 years
D-Day#1: 04/17/13
D-Day#2: 05/8/13
Children: 9,5 (girls)
Om: High School Flame
"Marital problems doesn't make someone a cheater just like financial problems doesn't make someone a thief"

Posts: 71 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Mobile, AL
cheerless
Member
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 10th (Friday)

seeing an Attorney is empowering

^^^yes yes yes

You don't have to sit around waiting to be crushed by which side of the fence chooses.

Go see a lawyer! Arm yourself with the knowledge of your rights and your financial future and the process. Let your fence-sitting WH know that filing is part of moving forward with your life without him. If he gets his head out of his butt in time, he might be able to prevent the D.

Is there another BS or BSO? If so, please tell them what's going on.


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Im not sure if you mean threw me out like out of the house or like threw me away for another woman. But I threw him out of house. I just don't feel ready to see an attorney, and money is a problem I can't spend too much on seeing what is going to happen. I can consult with one for free at a womens center in my area maybe I will do that. We are actually going to see a mediator as soon as we get all financial paper work in order. For now I am just going to keep moving forward with my own life I quess and taking care of me. I think I need to deal with my issue of fear of being alone and if I can conquer that I will be in better shape. I don't mean just being alone for a few hours or so I mean alone without a significant other for life. I am rambling again I know sorry sometimes it just helps to write down my thoughts. I feel so hurt, betrayed, angry.


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
annb
Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, May 11th (Saturday)

Hi, savvy, just checking in to see how you are doing this morning.

I think having a free consultation with an attorney will help you just a tad, as it will give you knowledge, and knowledge is power. Think about it.


((savvy)))


Posts: 7389 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Jospehine85
Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

If he loved you and wanted to be with you, he wouldn't need to think about it.

Start the D process now. Don't let him suck away a year or two of your life while he keeps you as his back up plan.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 811 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 12