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Reconciliation
User Topic: R and Apologizing
looking forward
Member
Member # 25238
Question  Posted: 11:16 PM, May 9th (Thursday)

Trying to R since April 2009.
So far, this year has been very difficult with more downs than ups.
Tonight I was told that I can never apologize enough for what I did and how this has affected my H.

Any insights?


Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2804 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
FeelingSoMuch
Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, May 10th (Friday)

I don't know if I'm in a position to offer suggestions. I'm a BH and it's only been two and a half months since D-Day.

What I want to hear from my WW are about 100 apologies a day. That won't fix things, but it makes me feel better.

I imagine that at first, I took in maybe one out of every 100 apologies. With time, I'm probably taking in two out of every 100. Eventually, I'll accept each apology. Keep apologizing. Make him feel like he's number 1.

Go to MC. Show remorse. Let him vent. It hurts. Sometimes we just need to vent.

Good luck.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
The hard part: They still work together.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, May 10th (Friday)

Tonight I was told that I can never apologize enough for what I did and how this has affected my H.

Unfortunately, this is probably true. The betrayal is so huge, the pain is endless, the devastation is horrific, the sadness is forever.


ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 1982 | Registered: Nov 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, May 10th (Friday)

Tonight I was told that I can never apologize enough for what I did and how this has affected my H.
I agree. I don't think a person who cheated can ever apologize enough, or make it 'better' by apologizing.

Okay...we can't change that. What to do? Acceptance I guess is the only choice.

A WS has to accept that whatever is said will not make up for terrible choices. I deal with that by being the best ME I can be, every day. By continuing to show humility and remorse and love towards my BH, every day. (It's our new normal!)

For the BS, it's a scar that never goes away. Sometimes it's a dealbreaker. You've been in R for awhile now, has your BH told you it's a dealbreaker?

If not, his telling you this is him communicating his feelings. Trying to convey to you the pain he is feeling. That's okay, that's honest and authentic communication.

Keep talking to each other .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34785 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 4