User Topic: That Arsehole!! Ugh I need to vent.
Jayne Doe
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, May 10th (Friday)

We are knee deep in the divorce proceedings right now. First court appearance coming up Thursday (I HATE this process. Ready for the D, just hate hate hate the paperwork and legal bs).

We finally got paperwork from his attorney. I filed the end of Jan

This is why I am livid.
We have a special needs child. She's 25. She's pretty involved and needs lots of care. After our 2nd dd (normal - well sorta ) was born, I gave up my fast paced career to work part-time. Luckily, and very thankfully, he agreed. In 2006 our special daughter became very ill. Hospitalized for 7 months, fighting for her life. She pulled out of it, but never back to the level where she was before her illness. I had to leave work to take care of her. Breathing machines, ivs - you name it. And that is the exact time he started his LTA as I later found out.

Now our youngest has moved out and on to her own life. Arsehole moved to lalaland AND I STILL CARE For our special daughter! She goes to a day program so I have all of that.

So why am I LIVID? After 32 years of marriage, at age almost 57, been out of the work force since 2006 when she got sick - He is REFUSING to pay alimony. His attorney said that arsehole feels I need to get a job... and wait for it..... His attorney has contacted a Vocational Counselor for me to meet with. Today I received the paperwork for my appointment with her.

I just got it. I spoke to my attorney's assistant earlier to set up a meeting between me and my L before court - and she said he is beyond disbelief!!

First of all - if I have to meet with a vocational counselor, I sure as heck am NOT going to meet with the person they picked out
And you can be certain that my special girl will be right by my side.

Arse is retired. He has a nice pension. He was the breadwinner because we agreed that I should work part-time. And now he is pulling this shit.

He walked away from his responsibilities. He doesn't even ask about her. He has seen her 3x in over 1 year. It all fell on me.

I am even more determined to get every fing penny out of him now.

Ughhhh - thanks for letting me vent!!

Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Fuck. That. Guy.

There is a special place in Hell for people like him.

Sending you lots of strength and mojo! Stand tough! You got this.

If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Jayne Doe
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Fuck. That. Guy.

Been there. Done that.
No thanks

Thanks for sending me strength... I'm gonna need it!

Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, May 10th (Friday)

There is a special place in Hell for people like him.

Definitely. But that doesn't mean he should get some heat here on earth, too. Take him for every penny he can. And make him look like the ass he is in court.

Sending mojo!

[This message edited by Lyonesse at 8:05 PM, May 10th (Friday)]

Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Member # 27861
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 10th (Friday)

The good news is that after the length of your marriage, you should be entitled to half of that pension! That is what I got and you should too.

If you love something and hurt it dearly, then chose not to fix never deserved it in the first place.

Posts: 3603 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 35157
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Infinite FTG.

"Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away.
To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away.
I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away (IN THE MORNING!)
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away!"

Posts: 85 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Alabama
Jayne Doe
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Infinite FTG.

What does that mean ?

Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Oh fuck him fuck him fuck him!!

My stbx pulled the same bullshit!! And I wasn't even asking for alimony!! He just wanted it stated that there wasn't any reason why I shouldn't be working and that he shouldn't have to pay for DS14 private school education (special needs school) because there wasn't any recommendations for private school education. They even calculated what I would make at minimum wage. Dumbasses.

So I kindly gave the court my son's comprehensive psych/neuro evaluation with diagnosis and recommendations. THEN I thoughtfully provided the court, my stbx and his attorney a report on what a "typical" day looks like when caring for two children with special needs.

I was very thorough in providing justification for being "voluntarily unemployed." You should do this too. Even if it makes him look like a COMPLETE ASSHOLE ~ do it. Sometimes our stbxs heads are so far up their asses that they forget about their own children's needs.

You are ENTITLED to alimony. Do what ever you need to do to get it. It's yours.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Unbelievable!!!!! Where is the human decency! Vent away Jayne!!!
I wish I could pick you up for a little jeep ride, it doesn't solve any problems, but it might make you smile a little?
I just want to tell you that I can tell you are an amazing woman and mother! Whatever that Arse tries to pull can not take away that wonderful bond you have with your beautiful children.
Wishing you strength and a joyful Mother's Day!
Take care!

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, May 10th (Friday)

What an asshole. I agree with the others that you will be entitled to alimony whether he likes it or not. You have been married for too long not to get any and I would think having a special needs dd would make it a sure thing.

I was only married for 8 years, but have been a SAHM for 5 years and just had a baby in Sept. My attorney said even though I haven't been married long enough to get automatic alimony, due to me staying at home and having an infant that I would get some. Fortunately STBX agreed to give it to me for 5 years. So I don't think you have to worry about not getting it in your situation.

BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 924 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, May 10th (Friday)

Who cares what he and his asswipe attorney think!

A copy of Arizona Revised Statute �25-319, the Arizona spousal maintenance law, follows. Subsection A relates to the first inquiry, the issue of "entitlement." Subsection B relates to the second inquiry, the issue of amount and duration.

A.R.S. �25-319:

A. In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage or legal separation, or a proceeding for maintenance following dissolution of the marriage by a court that lacked personal jurisdiction over the absent spouse, the court may grant a maintenance order for either spouse for any of the following reasons if it finds that the spouse seeking maintenance:
1. Lacks sufficient property, including property apportioned to the spouse, to provide for that spouse's reasonable needs.

2. Is unable to be self-sufficient through appropriate employment or is the custodian of a child whose age or condition is such that the custodian should not be required to seek employment outside the home or lacks earning ability in the labor market adequate to be self-sufficient.

3. Contributed to the educational opportunities of the other spouse.


Had a marriage of long duration and is of an age that may preclude the possibility of gaining employment adequate to be self-sufficient.

B. The maintenance order shall be in an amount and for a period of time as the court deems just, without regard to marital misconduct, and after considering all relevant factors, including:
1. The standard of living established during the marriage.


The duration of the marriage.

3. The age, employment history, earning ability and physical and emotional condition of the spouse seeking maintenance.

4. The ability of the spouse from whom maintenance is sought to meet that spouse's needs while meeting those of the spouse seeking maintenance.

5. The comparative financial resources of the spouses, including their comparative earning abilities in the labor market.

6. The contribution of the spouse seeking maintenance to the earning ability of the other spouse.

7. The extent to which the spouse seeking maintenance has reduced that spouse's income or career opportunities for the benefit of the other spouse.

8. The ability of both parties after the dissolution to contribute to the future educational costs of their mutual children.

9. The financial resources of the party seeking maintenance, including marital property apportioned to that spouse, and that spouse's ability to meet that spouse's own needs independently.

10. The time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the party seeking maintenance to find appropriate employment and whether such education or training is readily available.

11. Excessive or abnormal expenditures, destruction, concealment or fraudulent disposition of community, joint tenancy and other property held in common.

12. The cost for the spouse who is seeking maintenance to obtain health insurance and the reduction in the cost of health insurance for the spouse from whom maintenance is sought if the spouse from whom maintenance is sought is able to convert family health insurance to employee health insurance after the marriage is dissolved.

13. All actual damages and judgments from conduct that results in criminal conviction of either spouse in which the other spouse or child was the victim.
C. If both parties agree, the maintenance order and a decree of dissolution of marriage or of legal separation may state that its maintenance terms shall not be modified.

D. Except as provided in subsection C of this section or � 25-317, subsection G, the court shall maintain continuing jurisdiction over the issue of maintenance for the period of time maintenance is awarded.

DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Jayne Doe
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, May 10th (Friday)

MissyMomma! I know!!

I printed that out already and have notes all over it for when I meet with MY attorney on Tuesday.

Wanna hear something funny (well NOT funny) his attorney cited THIS statute as a reason why I do NOT deserve alimony!
Me thinks his attorney is as big of an asshole as he is.

Mine isn't. I really think - and HOPE - that I picked the right man for the job.

Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, May 11th (Saturday)

Well, FTG.

He doesn't get to decide what he is and is not going to pay. And really, his lawyer sending you paperwork to meet with a vocational counselor is fucking laughable. He doesn't get to decide that either.

Here is the *really* funny part...he actually paid a lawyer to get you vocational counselling paperwork!!!! This dude is a fucking moron.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, May 12th (Sunday)

Wow, unbelievable! Sounds like they are trying to rattle you - the statute is pretty clear that you will get SS. Let their bullshit glide off your back....

I hope you get EVERY. PENNY. YOU. DESERVE!

Strength and peace to you, Jayne.

BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Topic Posts: 14