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Just Found Out
User Topic: When does it come back
Mack25
New Member
Member # 38913
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, May 11th (Saturday)

A question but I'm sure others here have had similar complaints. I'll give some background first.

I have been married 12 years to my wife and have 3 children. Although we have normal maritial issues such we had a very good marriage. Two months ago when she was extremely drunk she made out with a random guy. There have been no infidelities before this event. There was nothing else that happened as this incident was witnessed. We have read books, and are seeing a MC. We are back to full intimacy including sex, oral, touching, etc but I'm unable to make out with her/French kiss. When I have tried, I get a rock feeling in my gut and horrible memories.

I think this is normal, but wanted to see how others have delt with his. It could also be how others delt with other physical aspects of a WS?


BH: Me (40)
WW: Her 38
Married 5/5/2001
2 sons, ages 5 and 8
1 daughter age 8
WW drunk make out session with me in next room
D day 3/16/2013
Trying to R

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Colorado
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, May 11th (Saturday)

It's normal.

Two months ago when she was extremely drunk she made out with a random guy

What is she doing to dig into why she did this? Being drunk is not a reason. Has she had other boundary issues in your M? Being drunk does not make you do things that are not already in your brain, it just loosens your inhibitions. The boundary issues are already present. How long did she know this person before making out with him?

Two months in is not a long time to get over infidelity. Give yourself some time. It takes 2-5 years to heal from infidelity with a remorseful spouse who gives you full disclosure immediately. (Doesn't matter the degree of betrayal - betrayal is betrayal).


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4506 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
la433
Member
Member # 38835
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 11th (Saturday)

Two months ago when she was extremely drunk she made out with a random guy. There have been no infidelities before this event. There was nothing else that happened as this incident was witnessed.

Wow, that's bold. Read your other posts to get more info. You were there too? Wow, just wow. That is way bold. The fact that she had "butterflies" sounds fishy to me. Was it electrifying "butterflies" or was it nauseating "butterflies"? Scared or excited?

How sure are you that there hasn't been others you don't know about?

How have you verified the information she's told you? Please don't say she's told you and you believed her.

That was my mistake. I trusted my xWW fully and never expected it to happen to me. Please, just don't believe what she says.

For her to be that bold knowing you were there definitely means more than you making it out to be. Don't be naive. The reason you're having this "rock feeling" is because I'm going to guess that you're really not sure about what she has and hasn't done.

It takes a long time brother. I've noticed that most guys get on here and want things back to normal quickly. R is possible, but it will take a long, long time, but there is no more normal. She has forever ended normal. So sorry.

Counseling you're doing is good. I'd ask for total accountability. Emails, phone, etc. The works.

Keep reading and posting and good luck. Stay strong brother.


"Arise and be all that you dreamed." ~Flyleaf

Posts: 136 | Registered: Mar 2013
Mack25
New Member
Member # 38913
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

I'm pretty sure nothing else has ever happened and this is an isolated event. I have gone through all records over the years and there is nothing. I guess you can never be 100% but I'm pretty darn close to that. It was a boundary and alcohol issue. She doesn't know this guy and will never see him again (she doesn't even remember what he looks like). Not justifying any of it for her, none of it was alright. Going through everything with multiple people this was a big screw up. She completely owns it and we are making the necessary changes. Guess I'm just not ready to start kissing yet given it is still fresh but hopefully with time.


BH: Me (40)
WW: Her 38
Married 5/5/2001
2 sons, ages 5 and 8
1 daughter age 8
WW drunk make out session with me in next room
D day 3/16/2013
Trying to R

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Colorado
lost100
New Member
Member # 39128
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Time is a great healer- a bit off topic but have you considered she may have an issue with alcohol???

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013
Mack25
New Member
Member # 38913
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Time is a great healer- a bit off topic but have you considered she may have an issue with alcohol???

Definitely, we have addressed/ are addressing. We only drink a few times a week and its usually sharing a bottle of wine or having a beer. However, getting drunk is a major issues as she can't stop drinking and goes until blackout or vomit. So those days are done (with me at least)


BH: Me (40)
WW: Her 38
Married 5/5/2001
2 sons, ages 5 and 8
1 daughter age 8
WW drunk make out session with me in next room
D day 3/16/2013
Trying to R

Posts: 24 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Colorado
Topic Posts: 6