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User Topic: Another banana down
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

So the younger two bananas went on visitation this weekend... ex-asshat and BananaGirl13 have been having go-arounds with her dress and make up lately. He thinks it's excessive and hasn't been very nice about it. She's actually pretty tasteful about how she applies it but yeah, she ramped it up this weekend. I think she was trying to get him to accept her no matter how she looks but it surely backfired.

He just called, telling me he's very angry about how I let her dress and wear make up and he tried to "talk to her about it" (read: chewed her out) and she basically told him to go screw himself. He told me he was bringing her home and if that's how she was going to be, she was not welcome at his house anymore, especially as long as she looked like a "prostitute."

What. A. Fucking. Jackass.

On the bright side, it'll be better for her to not see him anymore, not if this is how it's going to be. And really, once she stops going, I can guarantee BananaGirl10 will stop, too.

I am so angry at him right now. I'm angry at his wife for encouraging it. And I'm so sad for my bananas. What kind of father treats his children like this? Alienates them to the point of not wanting anything to do with him? And lets them go?

She started IC through the school last week and I'm so glad... my poor girl. Her sperm donor, XSO, her brother (who walked away from all of us)... she's had nothing but men who have broken her heart.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 1:42 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

(((WB and bananas)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52211 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

So sorry WB, for you and your family. Young girls that age experiment with makeup and clothes, it's normal. It's temporary, she's just a teenage girl. Amazes me how they care about how it "looks" without thinking about what they have done and how that "looks." She needs his love and acceptance, not criticism and ignorance.

It's so hard. My daughter is better off not seeing her dad and his OW too. She knows it, it just makes her angry and resentful but it's so wrong.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7478 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

What kind of man calls his 13 year old a whore and a prostitute?

Thanks guys... it's sad but they're better off without him.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

ohmygoodness! He said she looked like a prostitute and then brought her back??!! What the fucking fuck is wrong with this guy? Wow. My mouth literally dropped when I read that.

I'm so sorry for your daughter. I remember when I was a teenager, I would push any button I could find with my dad. Anything to get a reaction out of him...and I had an intact family with no issues.

What a stupid man.

((((wb and bg13))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4634 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry wb, he's very short sighted, what an idiot.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4528 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

(((((nanners and bananagirl13)))))

I'm sorry he's such an ass. Ugh. Who DOES that???


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25382 | Registered: Aug 2011
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Asshole.

She sure as hell just tested him to see how he would treat her and if he would be her dad and lay down some laws with love and he BLEW IT.
Every girl needs to hear "I will make sure you respect yourself because you are worth respect" and "You are too beautiful and I love you too much to present yourself in a way that people will take the wrong way".
But he decides the best way to protect her is to call her a prostitute. FAIL.

I would be beyond livid.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 2:33 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44724 | Registered: Sep 2006
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

(((hugs)))

and righteous mama bear indignation and fury!!!

I remember the turquoise blue eye shadow and black liner... and lace everything of the 80's. I didn't turn out to walk the streets then or now. It is completely normal and natural!

I hate when they reject their kids because they don't like how they reflect on their own shallow self image. Stupid asshat.

Maybe you can rent The Breakfast Club and pop popcorn. Teenage angst at its best.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5824 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

What a dickhead.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7657 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Maybe you can rent The Breakfast Club and pop popcorn. Teenage angst at its best.

Dd and I have started watching "My So Called Life" together. It's awesome. She gets to laugh at what we wore back then and she gets to see I was a teen too.. and I get it. I really do. It sounds silly but we're loving it.

Grab this negative experience, shake the crap out of it, and take it as an opportunity for the two of you to bond somehow.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 3:19 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44724 | Registered: Sep 2006
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Having seen FB pics of BG13, I think she dresses quite kool like. His loss.

My youngest DD (now 17) no longer has any interest in seeing her mom (who now lives 280 miles away).

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

(((wb & kids))) What a tool. I am so sorry she doesn't have a father who knows how to be a father, but I am so glad she has you.....he is an idiot but it is his loss.....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15232 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

So, she and I were just talking:

Me: So, you should totally spoil me for Mother's Day tomorrow

BG: With your bank account

Me: Not cool!

BG: Well, I don't make a lot of money as a prostitute, so I really can't afford it.

It's too bad he doesn't appreciate her sense of humor. She's a pretty funny kid.

His loss indeed.

Thanks, all.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Geez, what an asshat he is. Any one with half a brain would get that she was pushing boundaries just to get a rise out of people, and the best response is to ignore it! It's what teenagers do, and make-up is pretty freaking mild compared to what she could have been doing (drugs, sex, robbery, vandalism). Calling his own daughter those kind of names is unforgiveable, and she'll never forget it. Good for her for using humor to get rid of the hurt and anger. I'm sorry you and your bananas have to put up with the jackass. ((wb & bunch))


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5140 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

BG: Well, I don't make a lot of money as a prostitute, so I really can't afford it.

She's able to laugh about it, but......that shit's gotta hurt. Even if she knows he's a jerk, having her dad call her a prostitute and refuse to spend time with her......dang. That's some cold crap right there.

His loss. And one that he will come to regret one day.
*sigh* What a jerk.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8007 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

((((((WB))))) (((((((banana13))))))

She will come to learn that her life without him is better than it was with him.

More hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5107 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
MyTurnATL
Member
Member # 28856
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Sounds like we were married to the same man. X treats our children with no respect and then gets pissed when they treat him the same way.

I'm sorry for your girls.


Posts: 453 | Registered: Jun 2010
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

Ugh I'm so sad and mad for you and Banana13. Good thing your girls have mom of the century. They're all wonderful.

You tell DD13 I think she's funny and sweet and pretty and fine just the way she is. She can come visit aunt Jrazz anytime.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17360 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

I'm thrilled she can joke about it, but sad that he made the ridiculous statement to begin with. #FUCKEDUPDAD #FAILASAPARENT

I'm also glad she has the relationship with you that she can joke about it - that means SO much.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4528 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, May 11th (Saturday)

So much for unconditional love. He doesnt have to like or agree with her choices - but to ban her from his house? He will regret this one day...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, May 12th (Sunday)

What an utter asshole of a father!

I don't even have words for what I really think.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, May 12th (Sunday)

Ironic what behaviour the whoreman and his whorewoman call out as whore behaviour.

This is all about control, not appropriateness.

((WB and bananas))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5560 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, May 12th (Sunday)

Yes, he is Mr. Control. Not long after we married, he told me it was his way or the highway... several times. But he didn't like it when I finally took the highway because it wasn't what HE wanted.

BG is settled back home and feeling a bit better. She was deeply hurt by this, though. She's going to carry it for a long time, I'm afraid.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, May 12th (Sunday)

how ironic that the man who whored around is now calling his teenager a whore? Seriously!

Alienates them to the point of not wanting anything to do with him? And lets them go?

Yup, they do. I don't get it - and honestly I don't think I even WANT to get it. The Dooosh has done this to both of our girls now, and it's all his doing. He is, of course, trying to turn this into my fault somehow. He's claiming parental alienation. Big words for such a small man!

It won't work, though, because I have encouraged my girls to speak to him, see him, spend time with him. HE is the one who has chosen not to see them, and they both know it. His loss, and someday when they both hate him even more than they do now, when things are sad for him because he is all alone in life, he will regret his actions. Maybe.

I am glad your banana has a sense of humor and can see through is douchebaggery!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3586 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 13th (Monday)

(((((WB and girls)))))


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25559 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 13th (Monday)

Wildbananas, were we married to the same guy? xWH also told my IrishLass2 that she looked and dressed like a whore (while he had started living with one) and he told us all the time that it was his way or the highway. We all finally chose the highway. Kinda enjoying this drive


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1756 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, May 13th (Monday)

aw sweetie, I'm with wb2, I don't have words for what I really think. I do, however, have a really nice baseball bat...

you and the bananas rock, you know. I'm so sorry teenbanana was hurt by her dad this way.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12150 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, May 13th (Monday)

Poor kid, she kept asking me tonight what she did wrong, what she did to deserve her father and his wife to treat her like that. All I could tell her it wasn't her, it was them. Hard to make a kid understand that, though.

Thanks inconnu... and thanks everyone.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

OMG, what a complete asshole.

Lots of hugs to you and your sweet little bananas. I'm learning I can't protect my kids from all the rotten things people will throw at them, but I can give them the tools to deal with it. I would just keep letting her know how awesome she is and maybe talk to her about the fact that how she looks is how a lot of people will perceive her (my "big pants" and wallet chains as a teenager didn't help me with my teachers, even though I was a straight A student ).

Dd and I have started watching "My So Called Life" together. It's awesome. She gets to laugh at what we wore back then and she gets to see I was a teen too.. and I get it. I really do. It sounds silly but we're loving it.

My absolute favorite show when I was in high school! Claire Danes and I were born only weeks apart, so it's like I was living through her when that show was on. Boy do I wish I had daughters. I just don't think it will be the same watching it with my sons


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

He will regret it wildbananas...trust me! One day...down the road....a month or a year from now without seeing his girls...and he is going to MISS THEM....and suddenly his petty cares about makeup are going to seem pretty stupid.....but it will be too late because his girls will want nothing to do with him.

So sad... (((BIGHUGZ2MYFAVBANANA)))


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2722 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

Just when I think he can't be a bigger ass, he surprises me.

Thank God she has you as her mother.

(((nanners & lil' nanner)))

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

Hugs to you and BBG (beautiful banana girl). This would have happened in our family too, had we D or S when mine were teens. Xpos is very controlling also. As it is, we had a similar incident after they were M! I can now see it for what it was. He was still being controlling after they left the house and were M!

The sad thing about what he did to BBG is that he will someday take credit for his actions being the exact right thing to do. (As someone said, it's being a teenager and challenging him, which he failed miserably). He will see what a beautiful, perfectly dressed and made up young woman she becomes and tell himself that it's because he set her straight that day. I've actually seen this with xpos and know the truth of it, sadly.

My child who went through this also has a wonderful sense of humor, but was too devastated by xpos' actions to overcome it that way. I'm glad BBG can use that release and has you there for her. I couldn't be there for mine at that time and so regret that now. Sorry to t/j, but just adding it as confirmation of how well you and BBG are handling this because I've been a part of the disfunction of not doing the right thing in this situation. But at that time I was in my own kind of fog.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

Thank you, ajsmom and thebighurt.

And get this... baby banana told me his wife (not OW) told him he did the right thing, that he "spoke from his heart."

Must be pretty dark and dingy in there, yeah? Geesh.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

Must be pretty dark and dingy in there, yeah?

Yeah, for sure, sadly. Lots if spiders, snakes and slimy lizards, too. But, maybe that's not being fair to those poor creatures!

You're welcome WB. I'm a bit envious that you have this now. Though my kids say they had a great life growing up, I know there were lots of things I didn't handle well because I was too busy keeping the peace with xpos. He would get angry with me for expressing any kind of differing view. Tell me that I always wanted to point out those things to him. I was one of Pavlov's dog. I got punished so many times, I learned to just let things go; and that was tacit agreement, although it made me feel awful about me. Still does.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2332 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
AppleBlossom
Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, May 14th (Tuesday)

The irony is that your beautiful daughter was probably pushing boundaries and seeking some kind of response from him because of his choices and his actions. The grown up thing to do would have been to recognise that for what it was and use it as an opportunity for some great discussions.

I am so sorry for your banana. I am also very, very glad that she has you.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 14th (Tuesday)

Sadly, the only thing you can do is damage control. Your DD will learn that her example of unconditional love is you. That your emotional support and love are exactly the nurturing she needs to grow to be the woman she wants to be. She will learn that when she is not being subjected to being a prop for his life.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5107 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 37