SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Anyone R, then D or seperate?
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 13th (Monday)

I posted here when I left H for a period of time. We are in R now.

But, wondering if any of you R'd, only to find out it wasn't going to work out.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Irolnyatbest
Member
Member # 37467
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, May 13th (Monday)

My WH begged for a chance to R with me. It lasted 7 months until this past Monday. In truth he only put effort in for 5 months. Then he told me it was too hard and he wouldn't and couldn't do what I needed to R. DEVESTATION.
Especially after explaining prior to R what hard work it would take. I will suffer, my step children will suffer. We will all suffer and he will carry on oblivious to the destruction and hearts he has left destroyed in his wake. So now we are D. It's not the betrayed spouses choice how R goes, it is up to the WS to do the work.


BS-29
WH-37
DDay 1 02/03/11 EA OW1 (Rugswept)
Dday 2 03/18/12 2 0234 Caught IN THE ACT-EA/PA OW2
WH 1st attempt to R was 06/12.
DDay 3 08/17/12 caught out again with OW2
Living separately, Attempting to truly R
5/5/13 he ended our M again...&#

Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Missouri
nolight
Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, May 13th (Monday)

Yup. We got back together a few years later. Only to have him leave for the same OW again.

Posts: 480 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, May 13th (Monday)

We R'd for 9 months, then I found out that he was still in contact with his AP. We S immediately and I've never looked back.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, May 13th (Monday)

Yes. 8w S followed by 3m False R. Once we sold the house I wanted to S for a year. I wanted to follow through with D and separate everything.

I didn't want that M anymore. I thought doing this would give me a clean slate.

He finally set me free when I put an application in for a rental property. Told me I wasn't invested in R, I was just trying to punish him.

20 weeks after final S this 40 year old loser was ready to introduce his 24 year old office gopher/obviously prior OW to my almost 5 and 2.5 year olds as his GF. I didn't consider her a threat as I trusted her taste more than I trusted his fidelity.

False R was far worse than DD but in all honesty I think I needed it to let him go fully. He love bombed me the whole time, just as he did during the early 'good' years of our marriage.

Seeing the mask be constructed then slip off in such a short space of time allowed me to see exactly how he had manipulated me for so long. I saw exactly who he was.

It also illustrated how much I had lied to myself for so long. His skills of deception were no match for my own skills of self-deception.

There is no venom in True Remorse whether in R, S or D.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
crazynot
Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, May 13th (Monday)

Was desperate to R, he dumped OW for six months then went back to her when she started cutting herself (how mature). Then he ran off with our 14 year old son clinging to him and begging him not to. That was it. If I had my time again I wouldn't have given him house-room after he came to me with his 'I'm seeing someone else' fuckwittage.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 860 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, May 13th (Monday)

I just bumped up an old thread where others responded.

Good luck with your decision!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3317 | Registered: Dec 2011
bwok3
New Member
Member # 38423
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 13th (Monday)

Yes, we separated for a year. Did MC and IC, both of us. We both worked very hard, or so I thought. 9 months after R (in which i was actually the happiest I have ever been in my life) I discovered he had started an EA, while we were in MC and then just never bothered to end it. To this day he still doesnt understand why I am so upset about it. It was just talking


ME: 46 BS
HIM: 49 WH
Married 28 years
Separated
DD 21
DS 27
D-day-1 1986-but still denies it to this day
OW#1 PA - I think it was just a one night stand
D-day 2 Sept 25-11
OW-#2 EA & other online crap
Filing for D soon

Posts: 36 | Registered: Feb 2013
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:33 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)

We did R for 2 years, but it was false we event went to MC for over a year. He eventually strayed again and I gave him a choice me or her. He chose her. It was an exit affair, he had a whole 'new' life lined up to go too.

We are now divorced. And now almost 2 years out I am so glad I don't have to deal with it anymore. The OW will now have to worry about him straying again.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1321 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 9