My H wrote the NCtext to COW - I read it - it was important that it be in his words so I could gage where he was at mentally...I was set on divorce and actually told him not to go NC - why lose both of us?
After the NC text was sent, she wouldn't stop texting. So he changed his number - and then upgraded his iPhone to be able to install findmyiphone. In the process, all texts were lost. This makes me sad - I would've liked to keep his NC text
In essence - it said they were done. That I was the only one that mattered and that she was never to contact him again - by text or at work.
She responded that he owed it to her to tell her in person and he replied "I owe you nothing. The only person I owe anything to is Nora. I want nothing more to do with you. Don't contact me again.
Oh how she tried. I didn't know about SI so I didn't have the guidelines...he should have ignored her responses - but in every reply he expressed his love for me and how he was stupid to have risked me for her. I needed to hear that.
This is from the healing library under FAQ's for WS's...
Q: What Is A No Contact Letter? Submitted by Deeply Scared
A: How ever the affair has been exposed, whether by discovery by the BS or confession from the WS, there must be proper closure to the affair. An agreement must be set up between the BS and WS that all contact with the OP must end and it must be permanent. The WS is in no position to bargain or make deals with their partner and try to keep the OP somehow active in their life. The WS must commit to the No Contact agreement and confide in their partner if the agreement is broken or if the OP has contacted them.
Writing a No Contact letter to the OP is the best way to end the affair. The WS is the one that writes it to the OP. There really is no format to it, except that it should be written by free will by the unfaithful partner. This isn't a "goodbye lover" letter...but rather should consist of stating that you are committed back to your relationship, that the A is over for good and there will never be contact again between them. It should be short and to the point, and the WS should state how selfish the affair was and how it caused tremendous pain to the BS.
Now, of course this won't be taken seriously by the OP if the unfaithful partner has had continued contact...this is a serious step towards reconciliation and it should be treated as such.
I would also let the WS know that you'll be reading the letter prior to him/her mailing it...there should be no hidden messages or hints that the WS will miss the OP. A letter is probably the best way to get closure for everyone involved...if you have your WS email or phone the OP...it opens it back up for the OP to respond...and that's what you are clearly trying to avoid.
There should be NO apologies and NO attempt by the WS to soften the blow. While I allowed my H to write the NC text, I reserved the right to "approve" it.
Btw - my NC stuck - H has been faithful and no contact since August 12th, 2012. In spite of feeling tempted 2 weeks later during a family funeral...he remained NCand has come out of the fog more and more the longer he's been free of her influence.