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User Topic: If not over, it's ending
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)

Not to go into every specific detail, but I have been feeling really disconnected from SO. I tell him that, but things don't improve.

He moved about 20+ minutes away, but he doesn't have a car.

I felt that he blew me off on my birthday, not trying to make any plans until right before I needed to leave for a family event. I told him after the event that my heart was broken that he didn't try and arrange anything. He blames it on not having a car and not wanting me to always have to drive since he moved so far.

We only see each other once a week at best....sometimes once every 10 days.

Jump to tonight. I find out that he had an opportunity to buy a car from a friend really cheap. So he did....for his son. I had a really bad day with work and an EX issue and this just set it off worse. I took him home and we didn't talk the whole 20 minute drive.

Tell me that I need to just end it. He's not a jerk. He's one of those guys that can say the right thing, but the actions stop adding up.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
nolight
Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry to say but it sounds as though he is doing the weak thing and is distancing himself rather then ending the relationship. For a special occasion like your birthday he'd have made the effort car or not, he'll even for a weekend he'd make the effort. Cut him away you've been through too much to extend your heartache over this guy.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)

I just don't feel that he's putting the effort into our relationship. All I get is lip-service.

I am feeling anxious, because I suffer from anxiety horribly, but not especially sad. I'm not sure if I can get my emotions right on this.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)

I don't understand him not having a car - are you in a major metro area with public transit? If so, why doesn't he just hop a bus to get to you? If not, how does he get to work, run errands, etc?

I think you deserve someone willing to put in the effort.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)

His car died and was going to cost more to fix than it was worth. Because he recently moved within walking distance to his crappy job, he doesn't see it as a concern. He won't be able to get a better job, which he claims to want, until he gets reliable transportation.

Taking the bus to my house is do-able...but would probably take a good hour.

When the car opportuntity came up, I thought he wasn't getting it because he didn't have the money. Instead, to find out he was getting it to give his son, who is turning 21 and still doesn't have his license anyway, was a tipping point to me.

He blames his lack of car for the relationship issues I have brought up for months...basically, we don't see each other much.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 12:10 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

He knows there are problems, he considers lack of car to be the source, yet he is doing nothing to remedy the situation. I don't blame you for feeling low priority. (((tabitha)))

[This message edited by Crescita at 12:14 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

That's exactly it, Crescita. I feel low priority. About a month ago, I said I was a "footnote" to his life. He took great offense to that, but it is true. That is exactly how I feel.

He hasn't contacted me today. I have a feeling that we are both done.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 12:35 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

Crappy job: strike one. Mothers are folks who find themselves in these circumstances, but the do not stay there.

Car issues: strike two. I can understand living and not having a car. That in and of itself is not the point. The point is that he just doesn't want to make the effort. Period.

I want a fella who will make the effort. After all, you do and would, correct?

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29662 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Please see this thread for the update

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=496322


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37377 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 9