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Just Found Out
User Topic: Action Plan
dontknowanymore1
New Member
Member # 39238
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

ok, so I want out. I've made an action plan. I've made these before, when he's been physically, mentally or financially abusive, and never stuck to them, but this has pushed me over the edge and I'm hoping that by putting it on here, I might be more likely to stick to it.

Reasons, other then the abuse, I have given him a clear choice, its me and the kids or the pub, therefore, still having contact with her. he avoids the question, gets mad and then goes to the pub. I realise now, probably 4 years too late, that all I am doing by sticking with him, Is hurting myself, and allowing him to hurt me.

1) No contact starting Wednesday 15th may. I've no contact since this morning, and want to keep it that way.
I will not be telling him as he is a diagnosed skitzo(again sorry no idea how to spell it!), and letting him know my intentions will just encourage him to contact me, and further his harassment campaign.

2) Do things for me. I've already bought new underwear and have a lady coming round Friday to cut my hair. may seem simple, but this the first time my hair will have been cut in 3 years, as he deemed it an unnecessary expense. I will buy myself a new outfit, as I cant remember the last time I did this.

3) slowly build up my confidence, and learn that it is ok for it to be just me and the kids. I have been in non stop serious relationships since 16.

4) I will concentrate on school in the hope of providing a better future for my girls.

5) I am going to see my specialist doctor tomorrow, to work out a way to better manage my illness, with a view to getting a job in the near future.

I will stick to this this time. (just saying it again so it sticks in my head!)

[This message edited by dontknowanymore1 at 5:54 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

dontknow,
It sounds like you are on the right step to making a plan. No matter how big or small a step is, it is a step. Keep you eye on your plan and add a new step when you accomplish one. Stick to you determination.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1561 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Brokenhearted49
New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

You poor dear. I am so sorry that you not being treated properly. Sometimes life is a series of one step forward and few steps back. As long as you keep moving, you"ll get there in your own time and at your own speed. I wish you the very best and above all, keep yourself safe. Abuse is a terrible thing so take care.

Best regards and you go girl!


Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13
Reconciling

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
mysticpenguin
Member
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)

Love that you posted this for accountability -- hate that he's treated you this way for so long! No haircut in 3 years because it's an unnecessary expense?!?!? Let me guess though -- his haircuts were a necessary expense

Hugs to you! Keep us posted!


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Good for you! I am a big believer in list-making. There''s something so orderly about lists, and so comforting when you can check an item off.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4671 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
dontknowanymore1
New Member
Member # 39238
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

thanks. I managed no contact today too except,,,,,,,,, when I was sitting waiting to see my doctor he walked in, to see his scitzo doctor. we had to wait in waiting room, he kept trying to talk to me. I just took one look at him and said if you want me to do this here, I will.
he shut up then thankfully my doctor called me through!


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
dontknowanymore1
New Member
Member # 39238
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

oh and ........... I didn't cry today! yeah, small victories!! I got angry, ive got confused, ive spent a lot of time in a trance thinking, but not one tear left my eye, got to be good right? oh and I ate an apple and a banana lol


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
cali1002
New Member
Member # 39270
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Sounds like you are on the right track. Stay strong to yourself and your girls.


Me - BS 44
Him - WH 52
Kids - 11 and 12
DDay - May 2012
Married 14 years
In Reconciliation

Posts: 42 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 8