Sounds like anxiety attacks. I had the same issue and visited a psychiatrist to get an understanding about this and some other issue. Once I understood this I did some research on them and talked about them with my IC. I started to do some real soul searching and my BS handed me the book The Power of Now. I've really just started it but he does discuss anxiety and how that impacts us.I'm no philosopher and this book isn't an easy read but I think some of it is getting in.
I've come to realize that apologies, while well and good, are not enough. It may make you feel good and maybe even your BS. However, those are just words. What actions are you doing? I'm not referring to NC or access to your phone. That's the easy stuff. You really need to work on yourself. Do you like yourself? Are you just waiting for him to make a decision on what he wants to do? What do you really want out of your marriage and how do you get that? Maybe that's a way to put your thoughts into action.
Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you both. Good luck.
Edit: I don't mean to imply that NC is easy. For some it isn't. That's a generalization and I just vented about generalizations on an earlier post. So my apologies if I've offended anyone. All situations are different.