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User Topic: Fantasies about other people?
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Does anyone fantasise about being intimate with other people? I've realised that I keep fantasising about someone I was with before I was with xWS.it was 11 years ago. Is this normal? I keep thinking about having so much fun with him.
I was really into him but I always thought it could never be.
I know it's so soon since DDay and perhaps it is because I'm at a new stage of my life, but, I see it as a good sign for moving on from my xWS. I don't even think about xWS in that way now after how he has emotionally abused me.
Maybe in the future when I'm ready it will be something to rekindle! :)

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Hey Dindy,

I've definitely gone through the same, thinking of an ex-GF. I think more than anything, it was a way for me to accept my new life, while still holding on to something familiar.

Looking back, I have also realized that there are a LOT of similarities between her and my STBX. It appears that self-centred, cruel princess has been my "type".

So now that this ex is on your mind, enjoy the fantasies, but also do some good hard analysis on how well your picker is working.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

IME, it's much easier to fantasize about someone I've been with than someone I haven't (even with guys like, oh, I dunno, say Ryan Gosling). Since you wouldn't want to fantasize about your XH for obvious reasons, it makes sense that you would move backward in your history to someone from before that time.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13580 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

I'm concerned precisely because I do NOT have fantasies about being with anyone. It isn't even appealing. I think the abuse I've lived with for so long has ruined me.

Enjoy your fantasies. Just don't act on them until your spirit is healed.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9320 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Thanks guys. I think you are spot on about fantasising about someone from the past. I quite enjoy them and I'm sure that if I wanted to reignite that experience I could. But, I do want to focus on my own healing. I will continue to enjoy them for now! :)

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Topic Posts: 5