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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Im back! Damn it!
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

I am such a fool. That is all I can say. I put my heart back out there for wh and he crushed it again. When will I learn that he doesn't know how to love. I am just a tool for him I guess.

My heart is shattered and I am so sad. But, I maybe I knew this all along and have to come to grips that his love for me has limits. I can never say how I feel because he runs away and ends it.

Glad I didn't move home like I was suppose to. Wow damn him.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

(((hugs)))


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Hugs from me too..

FTG..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2399 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Thanks guys,
I really thought we were R. I did not know if I said stuff out of being hurt that he would lash out and end it with me.

I feel like I am spinning. All I said was how things make me feel. And now he will not talk to me and basically I am the bad person again all because I was protecting myself. We both said things out of anger but I get the punshiment for it.

I don't understand people like that. I was forgiving me for things he did to me but I guess I am not worth shit to him.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

I must say I admire your strength. It certainly sucks that he isn't remorseful, but I'm glad you didn't move back home either. You aren't putting up with his bullshit or rugsweeping the affair or letting him waltz back in without doing the real work.

If he can't handle your feelings of being hurt, fuck him.. I know it hurts, but you are much better off without him. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and protecting yourself first.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2399 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

I'm sorry honey.
You've been through so much.

(((hugs F w/L)))


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Thanks again. I am hate that I was a balling snotty mess last night. I was fustrated that he just ingorned and told me to take time to myself and he heard all that he needed to hear.

I mean come on. I told how much I loved him and want to be back home but didn't feel safe, and I needed that from him. Then we started fighting about money, insurance, and it pissed me off because I spend way more because I am always at the store, buying things for son, I just do it so that is my fault there. Then it went from that to me paying him half insurance because it comes out of his check and I said I have been but you know you never paid me when I had our insurance for 10 years. It was just a given because I had the insurance. Boy, that sparked a fire.
Then he said he was not commited 100% to us or the marriage and he is STILL working on him. I said well then there is no us I guess cause I can't do this alone. Then he went on about his mom, and how she will be the only woman in his life and basically I don't know what it is like to lose a parent.
I said well I know that is painful but what you did to me way worse than death. I guess I hit a nerve there also. I didn't listen to his pain over his mom. There is no excuse for being like that to him but he made me feel like I have no place in his life. I will always be a step back from his mom, and not worth being the woman in his life.

I am stuggling but I will be okay. I have all of you and I need to get back up and brush myself off. I will not let this ruin me.

Just sad and that is okay.. Right?


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

((((HUGS))))

Although humans need hope in order to find the will to live another day, at times hope causes even more pain because we learn it's false hope. I'm so sorry you're back. Keep talking here, we're listening.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9858 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

I'm sp fustrated at all this. Why is always about what I say or do? How come he never looks at his faults?
I am not perfect
I tried to be for him.

Why could he not see the pain even when I would tell him.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
Dadtryingtocope
Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

Sorry you are back. Many great people here for you. We want to help you to a better place. Stay strong and keep asking questions. A lot of us have the same feelings, issues, conflicts, etc. as you. It is a hard road but we will help you get there. It does you no good to express your feelings to him. He will use them against you. It happened to all of us. I'm sure others here will tell you, go no contact and start taking care of you and your son.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 584 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

(((Faithful w/Love)))

I'm so sorry.

You shouldn't have to try and be perfect for anyone. You're great just as you are.

More hugs.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, May 16th (Thursday)

((((FwL)))) I am so very sorry, honey.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25845 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

I'm sorry, too.

For what it's worth, I will chime in and say that STBXH in this situation did the same exact things as WH. Like a mirror.

What' I've been told in counseling advice and my lawyer said this too...is that they think STBXH/Perv did/does this to deflect attention away from himslef and onto me.

So maybe your H/WH is trying to make things he did or about your M all about you and remove himself from the limelight?

And in many ways, it's shame on them because you are already down and it's just being made worse.

For what it's worth, all I could do for self-protection was to work really hard on no contact, even though, for a time, I will admit that it was like an addiction. Because there was no notice.

I wish you well and some moments of clarity and peace.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Thank you. You are right about the taking the limelight off of him.

I need to stop trying because I am breaking myself.

He doesn't love me the way I need to be love which is so simple. Protect me, honor me, respect me, be kind and open with me.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Why is everything twisted back on me? Why do I feel guilty? Maybe I should not have said what I said. Why is he punshing me like this? I never have done anything horrible to him.

PLEASE HELP me understand this pain. Tell me in a few days it will get better and easier.

Why did I believe him about me coming home and our future? All the promises, he just told me the other day how much he loves me and talking about the house and changing it up. The garden I wanted. I want to puke. All this time was a lie.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

I am just a tool for him I guess.

Just to clarify, HE'S the TOOL, not you...

If you are like me you will keep trying to understand "why" and you will keep running into brick walls. These fuck sticks either don't really know themselves or they are so afraid of admitting how big of a-holes they were that they refuse to acknowledge their actions. My POS tries to make me the bad guy, and now that I am asking hard questions about secret assets in the marriage, he is getting even more pissed off, like I am the one who did all these horrendous things to destroy the M and family. There simply is no answer to the "why" and you will drive yourself crazy looking for it...

Time to move on for yourself...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1206 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Why is everything twisted back on me? Why do I feel guilty?

Because that's what people like this do... turn it around on you so they can look and/or feel better.

It will get easier... I promise.

(((((Faithful)))))


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15420 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

I am in tears at work. OMG, he wants me to still help with the modification of the house and then sign a quick deed when it is done. WTF?

Oh and he said he is not going back to the same old shit with u.

Can I say I am CRUSHED. I would never do this to him.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

You have to surrender getting the answers to your many whys. Yes, your questions are legitimate. However, it isn't possible for you to understand why.

The only way to get out of this hell is to give up "needing" the answers. You don't need those answers. They would be nice to have, but they aren't actual needs. Let it go. Believe me, I and everyone else here completely understands the burning desire to know why, to understand, to make the WS comprehend what they've done. But it's a fool's errand. Or worse, it's a Sisyphean task.

You have to surrender.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9858 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

I'm trying to surrender but when I keep getting screwed over it is a bitter pill.

I know you all understnd that is why I am here venting and crying.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

He will never change. He will never give you what you need. He will try and take advantage of you any chance he gets. He is trying to take care of only himself.

Don't sign a quitclaim. You don't have to cooperate with him.

Please just 180 him and kick him to the curb. He is sick. It is over. THE END.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Get an attorney and get what you deserve. You don't have to take him to the cleaners, but don't give away your power or what you've worked for.

Remember; from now on, it's a business deal; be a hardass, and if you can't, hire one.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20325 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 17th (Friday)

I'm sorry faithful! Ex-shat twisted stuff back around on me...I remember how terrible that was and now that I am away from it, I see how undeserved it was and how it really was him deflecting away from his faults and flaws.
Protect yourself. Don't do anything he asks you to...get a lawyer.
(((((Faithful)))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 17th (Friday)

What I am baffled about is he just told me how in love he was with me. He bought me gifts for mothers day, cooked me dinner. We have been getting along pretty well sense I moved out. And all it took was a huge fight that we were both at fault about.
I just can't get my head around this.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2805 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 24