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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Of course she did!
Dadtryingtocope
Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

So I hear through the grape vine my EW just got engaged to the AP. Of course she did. She just had her D finalized less than a month ago. Why wouldn't she get engaged now?

I don't know whether I should jump for joy, break down and cry. This is crazyness isn't it? I mean she was married 9 month ago to someone else. I don't get it. I'm half in shock. Who does this? What kind of message is this for my kids?

On top of that she is also trying to come after me for more money. Not a lot about $4k. But the D is done, I paid dearly already. I'm not looking to give her a wedding gift now.

I'm still trying to find a way off the crazy train.


BH me 45
WW her 37
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (11, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13

Posts: 409 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

I'm sorry. I know it is a caught 22.
Big hugs to you.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Wow, they waited until their D's were official to get engaged? My ex got engaged to both OW within weeks of dating, before D's were even filed...


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

((((dttc & kids)))) It's unbelievable, isn't it?


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22672 | Registered: Aug 2011
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Sorry DTTC. It is craziness but thankfully it's no longer your craziness.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1580 | Registered: May 2011
Dadtryingtocope
Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Yes and thanks. I should of course not even care but somehow it is still troubling. Most of my close friends say it will self destruct. I guess we will see.

In the meantime, back to living my life the way I want to. :)


BH me 45
WW her 37
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (11, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13

Posts: 409 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Sorry DTTC. It is craziness but thankfully it's no longer your craziness.

THIS.

In time you won't care what she does. You'll put it all in a general crazy pile and nothing will surprise you.

It is hard to see them make a train wreck of their lives but at least we can be thankful that we're no longer on that train.

Ask your friends to not tell you anything about her. I did and it really helped me detach.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4561 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Jayne Doe
Member
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

I am so looking forward to your future posts of Karma stories.

You know they are coming


Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

(((DTTC))) Just wow.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4661 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

That's just more proof of how crazy she truly is now.

(((dad)))


Posts: 13356 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

t/j

My ex got engaged to both OW within weeks of dating, before D's were even filed..

BOTH??

end t/j


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Feb 2013
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Yes, his first "soul-mate." I discovered that A after a week and moved out. They were already talking of marriage. I do know it was a week because I found *all* of their emails - so I knew when it started/ended. We tried to reconcile.
Second A, before I filed he also proposed about two weeks after or so... maybe three?
That was the last OW. I don't know if they got married or not. I've heard conflicting information but haven't pursued it.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
LifeIsBroken
Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

At least your xw waited till the D was final. My now-xh proposed to the bimbo 3 weeks after their sexting began, before they had ever met in person.... because 'you have touched my soul, you have said words I've never heard before.' Guess he forgot he was already married at the time. OH - and the bimbo forgot she was married, too. Strange how that happens; maybe just another phase of the alien invasion. The day WILL come when you don't care what she's doing. I hope she fails at getting more $ from you. Sounds like you've already paid more than your share in more ways than one.


Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 362 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Oh, yes-- I'm waiting to hear about STBX's engagement any day now. He, of course, had to show my DD the ring... and we're not even officially D yet. Mine is behaving in the EXACT same way; I think the plan is for them to be married before the summer is out. The OW's also moving here from two hours away, and unless she's relinquishing custody of her kids to her XH (whom she must have either recently D or is not yet D from), she's bringing her two little kids with her to live with STBX. They're being forced to leave their home, their town, their schools, their friends so their mommy can marry a guy she met on Ashley Madison. Crazy train, indeed.

But yeah-- it's not our crazy. I'm also thankful for that.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3403 | Registered: Oct 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, May 16th (Thursday)

Can't help it, another t/j

They're being forced to leave their home, their town, their schools, their friends so their mommy can marry a guy she met on Ashley Madison.

Oh, the irony THAT one is crashing and burning for sure..

AND

Guess he forgot he was already married at the time. OH - and the bimbo forgot she was married, too. Strange how that happens

end t/j


Cause marriage is sooooo special and meaningful to them right DTTC? Cause THIS time they truly found "the one" who completes their broken hearts? What a bunch of bull.. And it's the kids who suffer the most, and they've got no fucking clue.. But you even have "dad" in your username, so it's obvious where your priorities are. They are so very lucky to have you..

And don't worry bro, you ARE off the crazy train, now you just having to stop watching it

Oh, and tell her to take that 4K bill and shove it up her ass. FTB..


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Feb 2013
bigpicture3236
Member
Member # 27861
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Of course she did. That is what selfish people do.
It does make it harder, but you will be ok. Now is your time. Make the most of it and yourself. You deserve it.
Good luck.


If you love something and hurt it dearly, then chose not to fix it...you never deserved it in the first place.

Posts: 3603 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Bro do yourself a favor. Sit down, make some popcorn and watch the horror show thats sure to follow. Fuck her, dont give her another dime. The D is final and its hard if not impossible to get a modification after the fact. Her life is about to implode. She has chosen to enter a M with a confirmed cheat. And being one herself I cant help but laugh at what they both must be thinking. If you think any trust will be in that union your sadly mistaken. Personally I think they will both be in a rush to beat the other to the punch in the cheating department. Think of this as validation and redemption for you. Your rid of her cheating ass and she is now OM problem. Dude, I'll bet you my left leg that in a few months a good Karma story is going to be posted by you. Till then, enjoy the show my brother.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5434 | Registered: Nov 2007
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Of course they're engaged; it's to prove their love is real.

It may or may not self-destruct; my advice is to NOT sit around waiting for that to happen.

You have some closure with this 'engagement' - concentrate on your new life. Easier said than done though.

How are the kids with all this?

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 4:42 AM, May 17th (Friday)]


BW, divorced: 03/09


Posts: 14252 | Registered: Jun 2008
Dadtryingtocope
Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Thanks all. I certainly won't sit around and wait for something to happen. But if something does, and according to statistics, it will, I will enjoy the downfall. She is nothing more than a cheating, lying, gold-digging bitch. I don't need to deal with her other than the kids and that is always contentious at this point.

She will not get any more money. She can take me to court and try and get it. I have proof there isn't anymore so good luck squeezing blood from that stone.

I can't wait for the day I don't care anymore. I still have anger and things like this certainly don't help. The continued selfishness is unbelieveable.

I have not talked to the kids about it. I'm sure since they have been around the two of them it is not a big deal to them. But when things go wrong, it could be a bigger deal.

I will just try and focus on my time with the kids doing what I can for them. When I have to deal with crazy bitch I will stick to NC. Just discuss kids needs and that is it.


BH me 45
WW her 37
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (11, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13

Posts: 409 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Ask your friends to not tell you anything about her. I did and it really helped me detach.

Yeah this really helps too. I've had to lay that law down with my own mother too. She was constantly asking about my ex in-laws and ex brother-in- law. Just stupid stuff about them, how and what they were doing, etc. I finally kind of blew up on her and told her that..."I'm doing everything in my power to get over these people to move on and all you do is bring them up...I'm still not that strong yet so will you please stop with it already."

It wasn't until then do I think my mother realized the pain and personal battle I was really going through by myself. She's never had to endure this kind of pain herself so she just doesn't understand it. I even asked my close friends not to talk about her to me when they did. They respected that and have been pretty good about it since. I know it's hard to do, but try not to let her have any more of your head space. Strive for indifference. She's an adulteress and that's what she will always be, married or not.


BS(me) 47
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1361 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Dadtryingtocope
Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Easier said than done of course. Her family has stood by me the whole time and basically shunned her. All of our friends rallied around me after D-day. So I would have a hard time asking them not to tell me things. Plus at some point I want to go back after custody. I need them to inform me of any screw ups she might make that would help my case. So I can't go NC with all of them. My in-laws help me out with child care too and I am sooo thankful for that. It may make me uncomfortable, but I will do what I have to do for me and the kids. I just tell myself that she can look for happiness in what ever form she wants. It will never be as good as what she had from me. And it will never be as good as the happiness I will eventually have.


BH me 45
WW her 37
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (11, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13

Posts: 409 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, May 17th (Friday)

They usually get engaged or knocked up before the divorce is even final. The OW in my sitch started using his last name while we were still married. They were also engaged and she was knocked up before the divorce was final.

I wouldn't worry about her taking you to court. It hasn't been that long since you got divorced. I doubt anything has changed enough for her to get more money.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
sudra
Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, May 17th (Friday)

My husband was engaged to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce. I thought I was happily married and he was engaged to another woman. Crazy making...


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (18), 1 stepdaughter (26)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1380 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 23