SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: First night
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Well, last night was the first night in my apartment. Let me tell you, it was not pleasant. I'm just pissed that WH let his EA OW come between us; chose her over me, his M and his family. This too shall pass but I'm still pissed. I hope it sucks for him too cuz after I contacted OW and her maybe BF there has been no contact between them. Maybe he can now feel half the hurt and pain I feel. Bastard........


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Sorry last night was rough. Very interesting - the no contact. On both sides? Maybe she got creeped out that he was giving up his M - maybe she had to have a talk with bf and he put his foot down....

He's home this weekend - maintain NC until he starts showing remorse!!!


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, May 17th (Friday)

Thanks NoraLee! I know it will get better.....eventually! Yes, there's been no contact on both sides. It makes me smile a bit! I plan on continuing NC unless we have to get together to pay bills cuz he has no idea how to do it. But the topic will only be about the bills and nothing else. Not looking forward to it at all.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, May 17th (Friday)

But you see how your decisive decisions are making you feel empowered (at least during the upswings) and it may just have popped his merry little fantasy bubble! It may be that she only viewed him as a friend and when she heard from you - told him - listen, you're nice and all...but I didn't sign up for this mess!!!

He may try to "sweet" you back - have your list ready of the changes he must implement - and don't short-change yourself!

Stay strong still!!!


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, May 17th (Friday)

That's entirely possible that he'll try to sweet talk me back but I have set my own rules on that. He is going to have to date me again. Prove to me I can trust him. I will not just move back in. There is so much that would need to change in our marriage that he might not want that. I'm just not going to hold my breath.....gonna start living a little more day by day. I may find that this isn't so bad after all.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

So here's how night #2 went. Went out with a couple friends around 8:30. Around 9 my WH text me and asked if I used his truck. I said yes but put gas in it. He said that's fine but something is missing and if I don't get it back I'll be pissed. He thought I. stole his gun! I said it's at home on your night stand. He says he left it in his truck. Nope, sorry buddy, you didn't. I finally said whatever, bye. He comes back with I know what you did. I didn't respond. Then he says and it made things worse. I again didn't respond. Seriously? Mind games again. Ugh.....


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

He's a douche. How could it have possibly made things worse???? He was giving up the marriage for her anyway. What he means is you made things worse FOR HIM!!! Because now he's lost his little piece of fantasy AND his marriage!!

Now a serious question Still...I'm Canadian and most of us only have guns for hunting (but the majority of Canadians don't even have those) so I fully admit my naiveity about the American culture of handguns. But his proclivity to reach for his gun these past couple of weeks...are you safe? Do you ever worry about his mental state and the potential for going "postal"? Did you feel threatened at all during this last exchange? I'm worried for you...

(((stilltrying)))


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

I don't know if he would go postal or not. I guess I don't know what his mind set is right now. I'm sure he was drunk last night when he was texting me. I have my door locked at all times, home or not. I'm thinking he just wanted to pick a fight with me and to let me know that he knew what I did and that I made things worse. How can it get any worse?? I have sent you a PM explaining the situation last night more.

I'm kinda scared for me too! Just gotta get through tonight and then hopefully he'll stay sober Sunday and then leave again on Monday for the week and I won't have to worry about it.

Thanks NoraLee for being there for me as much as you have been! You are an angel


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Promise me that you won't hesitate to call 911 if his behaviour starts to get threatening.

His actions last night feel like a tantrum to me - he's frustrated that you're not laying down for his behaviour and you are acting independently. Once he realizes you will not respond to his attempts to push your buttons - he'll either raise the bar (which is why I'm afraid for you) or he'll reach his bottom and start getting his head out of his ass. Don't even let him know that YOU know what he was up to last night. That's a discussion for if you decide to R. Don't take his bait or else you'll be back at square 1.

Good luck tonight. Do something nice for yourself - bubble bath or calling an old friend. (((stilltrying)))


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Thank you NoraLee! I'm going to do something fun for me tonight. I don't wanna run into him and don't want do anything that makes him think I care. I've cried enough today; he doesn't get to see that!!!!!! I'll update you tomorrow as to how the night went. Thank you!!!!!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Topic Posts: 10