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New Beginnings
User Topic: Ruh Roh
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
DOH!  Posted: 12:36 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Since I''m always posting whiney sad-sacky oh-woe-is-me stuff, I figured I better pony up what''s going on right now. Feel free to remind me of it when I start complaining that I''ll never meet anyone etc etc etc.

Last month was a bit of a downward spiral for me, I engaged in those coping behaviors that only harm me (e.g. eating compulsively). xWH is still pestering me via email, I''m still angry at what he did, and I''m lonely here in this new place surrounding by married people, single 20 year olds etc. Trigger city. I decided I''d cope by deleting my OLD profile, focusing on my lifting/crossfit workouts, and needlework (the ultimate in your face I''m staying home by myself move lol).

Anyhoo. Went to Crossfit on Monday and the trainer who I really like who''s been MIA for quite some time was back. Evidently he was on a long summer vacay. I was irrationally excited to see him. And he walked right up to me and asked, "did you miss me?" in that nice voice of his. So help me god I giggled and said yes. And it''s true! I did! I was so glad he was back. And so embarrassed at my month of excess (b/c I can feel the damage done). It was nice to see him. It reminded me I do need people. It wasn''t until I saw him that I realized part of my torpor towards Crossfit had actually been missing his presence and encouragement.

And then! I logged onto the OLD site to delete my profile and a guy popped up into my feed (which means he lives near me) that idk, I clicked on his profile. And the profile said he didn''t live anywhere near me but since he was cute, had interesting tattoos and a silly food preference/addiction that I also share, I sent him a note saying so. What was I thinking? That I was safe b/c he lived nowhere nearby? Whelp. He replied, and evidently is moving within a 2 hour drive of me, for a cool job (cool to me at least) and we''ve been chatting. And I talked to him on the phone, and we email constantly all day long, and and and, I''m really looking forward to meeting him in person.

And then! A colleague of mine, a male colleage who I find funny, approached me last week and told me that he had been made aware that I have an asocial streak and that it was important that my friends/colleagues rally around and not let me be a hermit. Seriously, he was reaching out in a nice way. And I like him. He was very helpful to me my first few days here at post. A super nice, polite fellow. Anyhoo. I thought he was married. But he said, let''s go out after work one day and talk. So that day was last night. Evidently, he''s separated and divorcing. We shared stories. We both have this job for similar reasons. It was a nice bonding moment. I felt heard and understood and he did too. Now mind you, he''s *still* married so it''s a no go for me.

But what is this embarrassing riches of attention? It all feels good. These 3 people. Usually attention makes me curl in on myself and engage in my crap coping behaviors. That really means it''s attention from people I don''t like and my gut knows it but my head hasn''t caught up with it yet.

But these 3 people? Not a flicker of bad coping behaviors raising their head. When that OLD guy asked to call the first time, I was excited nervous, not annoyed nervous. Last night at dinner, it felt like hanging out with an old friend. At the gym, the trainer makes me feel good and makes me want to try and enjoy myself.

No clue where any of this is going. But it feels good. And in the spirit of positive NB things, I thought I''d share.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, May 17th (Friday)

All I have to say is

But your title...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, May 17th (Friday)

WOOT!!!!!!!!!!

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6580 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Love it!!

Your title made me think of Scooby Doo.


Posts: 35857 | Registered: Mar 2011
Spirit13
Member
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 17th (Friday)

that sounds so great... enjoy your embarrassment of riches!


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Great update yay! So excited that you are starting to settle in and feel comfortable in your surroundings, and allow yourself to appreciate a little attention

Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Your title made me think of Scooby Doo.

With good reason, I was saying it in Scooby''s voice! lol


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 17th (Friday)

That's so cool cayc!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, May 17th (Friday)

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5982 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 17th (Friday)

It's good to have people.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Have fun and enjoy yourself!


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Sounds like the poles on the shit magnet are reversing.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
MyVoice
Member
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 17th (Friday)


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 471 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, May 17th (Friday)

With good reason, I was saying it in Scooby's voice! lol


Posts: 35857 | Registered: Mar 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

Sounds like the poles on the shit magnet are reversing.

cayc - This post is making me smile so goofily. Yay for positive interactions! Yay for overcoming the negative coping behaviors!

Just... YAY!!!


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25725 | Registered: Aug 2011
inhishands55
Member
Member # 9454
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

Enjoy all the extra attention...It is so nice to feel special....

Posts: 408 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: The Tarheel State, in the mts.
dlmos
Member
Member # 36839
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, May 19th (Sunday)


BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

Posts: 461 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Fort Worth,Texas
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

Yes I have to admit I'm rather smitten with OLD guy. Will likely meet him in person over Memorial Day weekend, so we'll see.

Not-yet-D-so-I-can't-date-him-colleague texted me yesterday while he was stateside and said "I'm at the grocery buying Ben & Jerry's, any partic flavor I can get you?" Oh. Talk about willpower to refuse the personal delivery of Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake flavored ice cream lol!

So there you go, men AND ice cream. How can it possible get any better!


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, May 19th (Sunday)


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

Oh my lord, a man who brings Ben & Jerry's without prompting? Keeper!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
VioletPush
Member
Member # 31365
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

That's awesome!!!

Kinda t/j, but how do you like Crossfit? I have taken two intro classes and am thinking of signing up...if I can ever walk normally again. I am so sore!! I was sore for almost a week straight after my first one - and I regularly work out!


Got rid of a lot of baggage, moved across the country, and am moving on with my life!

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, May 19th (Sunday)


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, May 20th (Monday)

Well so not-yet-D-collegue got bold & told me he liked me, as in wants to date me like me. Gah! I knew it was coming.

As the words were coming out of his mouth I was thinking, "no, stop, I don't want to deal with the reality, run run run".

I told him I was flattered, and appreciated him telling me, but my hands were tied. I told him I was dating around, so that there were other people "in my orbit" (well, only 1 but he's eligible and I think I *might* like him) and most importantly, he wasn't divorced yet. And I don't date men who aren't divorced. I said circumstances just meant that the only route for us was friends.

Those of you who know me know that I don't really think men & women can be friends like that b/c I think when they are 1 of the 2 always has the hots for the other in some form or fashion. Many of you will disagree, but since we're talking my opinion and my life, it is what it is. So now my challenge will be to maintain an appropriate level of contact. It could so easily turn into one of those things where I let him be too helpful b/c I need it and that would be wrong.

It's also a little tough b/c from a lifestyle/background/kindness perspective, not-yet-D-guy is a good fit for me. It's a shame really, the timing.

It's funny, b/c being open means people try to enter my life, lol, and I have to be upfront and say something. I can't hide. I have to deal. It was an interesting little lesson for me in dealing, rather than running and hiding from people, and using say food to do it. So this is progress still!

And OLD guy is now a 2 hour drive away, ooooh, can't wait to meet him!

(@VioletPush PM me if you want to chat CrossFit, it's awesome, I love it, and I'll share in any way you need to help you out).


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Topic Posts: 23